NBA2K: Indiana Pacers vs Los Angeles Lakers (Dunks-OT-Buzzer Beater)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

especially if they look exactly like you and keep calling you dad (plus you get the entire playoff season off)

"Arnold Schwarzenegger was on '60 Minutes' promoting his book. He said you can't run from your mistakes. You have to confront them. Yeah, especially if they look exactly like you and keep calling you dad." –Conan O'Brien

There’s a rumor that the Lakers are trying to sign LeBron James. They’re telling him, "The weather in L.A. is great, plus as a Laker, you get the entire playoff season off." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So finally, some good news for Laker fans (American Exceptionalism)

Some scientists say it’s theoretically possible that there may be a universe where time moves backwards. So finally, some good news for Laker fans. –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump now says that this week he will allow 872 refugees into the United States; 872. Trump says the immigrants will arrive on Friday and start their modeling careers on Monday. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

At one point, Trump was so far ahead they put in Bronny James (That's it. I'm listening to R Kelly again)

And how did I let y'all convince me that rural Pennsylvania would pick the Jamaican Indian lady. Clearly, I've been spending too much time with you white liberals and your goofy optimism. It wasn't even close. At one point, Trump was so far ahead they put in Bronny (James). —Michael Che

So y'all gonna let a man with 34 felonies lead the free world and be the president of the United States? That's it. I'm listening to R Kelly again. I already do, but I'm gonna stop pretending I don’t. If white people can elect their felons, I can dance to mine. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Apparently it's Katy Perry's "Roar." (Just in time for Lakers season)

California governor Jerry Brown signed a controversial new bill allowing assisted suicide. Yeah. Just in time for Lakers season. –Conan O’Brien

I'm a big fan of scientific advances in the field of medicine. Scientists announced they just developed a robotic caterpillar that can crawl inside you for medical procedures. And for an extra $50, for nonmedical procedures. --Conan O’Brien

The Pope is at the White House today, the band played the Vatican's national anthem. The Vatican has a national anthem, isn't that crazy? Apparently it's Katy Perry's "Roar." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The weather in L.A. is great, plus as a Laker, you get the entire playoff season off (These experts have been described as "single")

In Boston, experts believe they have found Paul Revere's outhouse and they say they are excited to examine his fecal matter. These experts have been described as "single." –Conan O’Brien

There’s a rumor that the Lakers are trying to sign LeBron James. They’re telling him, "The weather in L.A. is great, plus as a Laker, you get the entire playoff season off." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

OK, I'll do it! I talked me into it! (Panera coupons)

Donald Trump just gave a big interview to the Hollywood Reporter. And when he was asked what actor he’d want to play him in a movie, he said, “Somebody really, really handsome.” Then he said, “OK, I'll do it! I talked me into it!" –Jimmy Fallon

“Thirty-seven year old LeBron James just agreed to a two-year, $97 million contract extension with the Los Angeles Lakers. Thirty-seven isn’t that old, but in Los Angeles he’s 150. Yep, $97 million for LeBron, which means the rest of the team gets paid in Panera coupons.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Lies the rich and corporations tell (And Trump did it without Wilt Chamberlain or Jerry West)

“Our one-time commander-in-thief scored the most guilty verdicts of every president ever. Thirty-four in all, topping the 1972 Lakers, who won 33 in a row. And Trump did it without Wilt Chamberlain or Jerry West.” —Jimmy Kimmel

It was a day that will be written about in history books. And for those of you watching in Florida, history books are things you used to have in your schools before Ron DeSantis was governor. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You had me at L (So finally, some good news for Laker fans)

Today, a top LGBTQ organization officially endorsed Hillary Clinton. Upon hearing this, Bill Clinton said, "You had me at L." –Conan O’Brien

Some scientists say it’s theoretically possible that there may be a universe where time moves backwards. So finally, some good news for Laker fans. –Conan O’Brien

Today, Donald Trump got the endorsement of Sarah Palin. When he heard, John McCain said, "Well, then you’re all set." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

that quote's being engraved on the wall of the Bush presidential library (Make the rich kids fight)

Lexus has built a drivable car made of cardboard. Part of the new motto is, "Nothing can stop our cars except a light drizzle." –Conan O’Brien

California governor Jerry Brown signed a controversial new bill allowing assisted suicide. Yeah. Just in time for Lakers season. –Conan O’Brien

"Hey, speaking of presidents, a former speechwriter to President Bush was quoted as saying that, contrary to what people think, 'Bush wasn't dumb.' In fact, as we speak, that quote's being engraved on the wall of the Bush presidential library." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

you get the entire playoff season off (performance-enhancing ramen)

There’s talk of including video gamers in future Olympics. Olympic gamers would be treated like all other athletes, except they’d be tested for "performance-enhancing ramen." –Conan O’Brien

There’s a rumor that the Lakers are trying to sign LeBron James. They’re telling him, "The weather in L.A. is great, plus as a Laker, you get the entire playoff season off." –Conan O’Brien

Cleveland Cavaliers star LeBron James has endorsed Hillary Clinton for president. Experts say LeBron’s endorsement will help Hillary Clinton win in Ohio and lose in Florida. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is outta my league, bro (the rest of the team gets paid in Panera coupons)

“Thirty-seven year old LeBron James just agreed to a two-year, $97 million contract extension with the Los Angeles Lakers. Thirty-seven isn’t that old, but in Los Angeles he’s 150. Yep, $97 million for LeBron, which means the rest of the team gets paid in Panera coupons.” —Jimmy Fallon

"CNN plans to air a 90-minute documentary on Mitt Romney before the Republican National Convention. Yeah, 90 minutes of Mitt Romney. Even Red Bull is like, 'This is outta my league, bro.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

So finally, some good news for Laker fans (or as Mitt Romney calls that, a full bar)

“Meanwhile, one senator claims that during the impeachment trial they’re only allowed to drink water and milk on the Senate floor. Yeah, or as Mitt Romney calls that, a full bar.” —Conan O’Brien

Some scientists say it’s theoretically possible that there may be a universe where time moves backwards. So finally, some good news for Laker fans. –Conan O’Brien

"Big news, of course, this Friday, President Bush is going to be in New York City to give a speech on the U.S. economy. Speech is made up of only two words -- It blows. Get in, get out." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, when I said I'm pro-life, I meant I'm pro-MY-life. (Lesser of two evils)

In Pennsylvania, a pro-life republican congressman is accused of asking his mistress to get an abortion so his wife wouldn't find out about his affair. He defended himself saying, "Hey, when I said I'm pro-life, I meant I'm pro-MY-life." –Conan O’Brien

Over the weekend, a 102-year-old woman got herself arrested so she could check that off of her bucket list. Now, it all seems like a cute story until you learn that the arrest was for triple homicide. –Conan O’Brien

Byron Scott, a former coach of the Lakers, had his home broken into and money and valuables stolen. Afterwards, Scott said, "It could be worse, I could still be the coach of the Lakers." –Conan O’Brien

It’s rumored that Donald Trump’s tax returns were leaked by one of Trump’s ex-wives. In other words, it could be anybody. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When you’re 79, your surges aren’t as strong as they used to be, if you know what I’m saying (the rest of the team gets paid in Panera coupons)

August 2022

“Thanks to some big wins in congress, falling gas prices, and a stronger economy, President Biden’s approval rating has surged three points. That’s it? That’s like donating a kidney and getting a text back that says, ‘Thanks.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Come on. Three points. It makes sense, because when you’re 79, your surges aren’t as strong as they used to be, if you know what I’m saying.” —Jimmy Fallon

“President Biden only has a 40% approval rating. But that’s a win. I mean, at one point, he was polling lower than paper straws.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Pabst Blue Ribbon is partnering with a motel in Michigan to create PBR-themed rooms. That’s right, a beer-themed motel room, or as it’s also known, a motel room.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Thirty-seven year old LeBron James jus agreed to a two-year, $97 million contract extension with the Los Angeles Lakers. Thirty-seven isn’t that old, but in Los Angeles he’s 150. Yep, $97 million for LeBron, which means the rest of the team gets paid in Panera coupons.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's lower than CNN's ratings. Lower than Tom Cruise's foot stool. (I hope that clears it up for you)

April 2014

"Today the Pentagon announced they are going to spend millions shooting clouds with super-lasers to create more precipitation. Controlling the weather would be great because L.A. is so dry right now. Our rainfall is lower than Obama's approval ratings. It's lower than the Lakers winning percentage. It's lower than CNN's ratings. Lower than Tom Cruise's foot stool. Lower than the box office for that new Johnny Depp movie." –Craig Ferguson

"Lasers that control the weather are hard to explain. Basically they hit the cloud and create nitric acid particles that bind water molecules to create condensation nuclei. I hope that clears it up for you." –Craig Ferguson

"President Obama is in Japan today. They showed him a robot developed by Honda that can kick a soccer ball. It's cute watching the president interact with a prototype that will one day enslave us all, isn't it? " –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So basically, they’re the Lakers (Haze a nipple heave)

March 2022

Some military experts have been surprised that despite having superior firepower the Russian army has been slowed by aging equipment, poor motivation and inept leadership. So basically, they’re the Lakers. —Colin Jost

The House voted to award the congressional gold medal to the only female all-black unit to serve in World War II. And Tyler Perry plays them all in his new film Inglorious Basterds. —Colin Jost

Dunkin’ Donuts has announced a new beverage called the Shamrock Macchiato, which combines espresso, vanilla and Irish creme. It’s the festive, sugary drink that will have you saying, Top O’ the Morning and losing the bottom O’ your leg. —Colin Jost

 Pat Sajak is asking Wheel of Fortune fans to stop making fun of the two contestants who were unable to solve an easy saying, ‘Have a little heart.’ Or as the contestants would guess, ‘Haze a nipple heave.’ —Colin Jost

According to a new study, just one drink a day may shrink the overall volume of your brain. Though I think I speak for all alcohol enthusiasts when I say, ‘Buh?’ —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In a related story, Donald Trump has gone into hiding (So finally, some good news for Laker fans)

"Today, Angelina Jolie met with Pope Francis at the Vatican.

Long story short: She adopted him." –Conan O'Brien

Some scientists say it’s theoretically possible that there may be

a universe where time moves backwards. So finally, some good

news for Laker fans. –Conan O’Brien

"Next year's Super Bowl is already in the news. It takes place

in New Jersey. The NFL says it wants to prevent another

blackout. This one involves keeping Chris Christie away

from his microwave." –Conan O'Brien

"U.S. employers just added 157,000 jobs to the economy.

Of course, most of those were backup dancers for Beyoncé."

–Conan O'Brien

"A Justice Department memo claims that President Obama

has the right to order the assassination of an American

anywhere in the world. Isn't that crazy? In a related story,

Donald Trump has gone into hiding." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A nation that is afraid of its people (Go Cryptos!)

November 2021

“Starting Christmas Day, Staples Center will be known as Crypto.com Arena, which doesn’t sound creepy at all.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“But a lot of people around here don’t like the new name at all. You know you’re in a weird spot when fans are like, ‘We have to go back to when it was named after an office supply chain!’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“It’s a bad name, but thankfully, Crypto.com still isn’t the worst-named arena in sports. That honor belongs to the New Orleans Pelicans’ Smoothie King Center.”  —Jimmy Kimmel

“So, look for the Lakers to be up by 20, then back down by 40, then up by 10,000, then back to zero.”  —Seth Meyers

“Generations of fans have grown up with the Staples Center. For my younger viewers, that name refers to the Staples office supply company. An office is something you used to go to for meetings, which are like very boring in-person emails. Oh, emails are long texts with more words, and words are faceless emojis that remind you you’re a relic of the past and the future no longer belongs to you. Go Cryptos!” —Stephen Colbert

“It’s not like Staples is a sacred name from the ancestors — it’s a store where you buy 50 packs of binders even though you only need one.” —Trevor Noah

“True story, we almost called our youngest daughter Crypto.com. Crypto.com Corden. Crypto.com Jennifer Corden.” —James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We can't afford the rich anymore! (we found out today why she passed out)

December 2012

"Police are now looking for a man who robbed a bank wearing a Mitt Romney mask. He robbed the bank, fled the area, and then stashed the money somewhere in the Cayman Islands." –Jay Leno

"Over the weekend, Hillary Clinton passed out, hit her head, and suffered a minor concussion. Well, we found out today why she passed out. Apparently, she heard the Lakers won two games in a row." –Jay Leno

"It's rumored that John Boehner and President Obama are considering a partial deal to avoid the fiscal cliff at the end of the year. Yeah, it's RUMORED that a PARTIAL deal is being CONSIDERED — or to put that in layman's terms: We're going off this cliff." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”