Which raises the question, when did Kamala Harris move to Florida? (I miss Obama)

After stealing an ambulance a Florida resident paused to finish a beer before surrendering to police. Which raises the question, when did Kamala Harris move to Florida? —Greg Gutfeld

Whoopi Goldberg said that any cast member of The View could find themselves being deported. Luckily for them ICE can't legally deport livestock. —Greg Gutfeld

In response to the trade war Canadians want to block US access to Canadian-owned Pornhub, which would cripple some of our most successful American companies, like Kleenex. —Greg Gutfeld

A New York City man was seen calmly eating a dead rat on a busy sidewalk. Now it's good to see Don Lemon still enjoys outdoor dining. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It'll be similar to the last version but with s'more features (I said "eating.")

Google has announced that the next version of its Android phone software will be called Marshmallow. It'll be similar to the last version but with s'more features. –Seth Meyers

According to a new study, roughly 20 percent of millennial parents have changed or seriously considered changing their baby's name based on what internet domain names were available at the time. "Don't make the same mistake my parents made," said Pornhub Collins. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

side of mayo (Pornhub Collins)

According to a new study, roughly 20 percent of millennial parents have changed or seriously considered changing their baby's name based on what internet domain names were available at the time. "Don't make the same mistake my parents made," said Pornhub Collins. --Seth Meyers

President Trump had lunch with Vice President Mike Pence today. He didn't mean to. He just asked a waiter for a side of mayo and they brought Pence over. --Seth Meyers

Google has announced that the next version of its Android phone software will be called Marshmallow. It'll be similar to the last version but with s'more features. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Do you need a skull? Because we can get you a skull (The perfect packaging design doesn't exi...)

Adult website PornHub offered free snow removal during the blizzard yesterday to people in Boston and New Jersey. They cleared your sidewalk, your driveway, and your browser history. –Seth Meyers

A new restaurant has opened in Los Angeles that creates special dinners based on the city's most notorious murders and crimes. So you have to be careful if you order an O.J. with your breakfast. –Seth Meyers

"To celebrate Shakespeare's 450th birthday, the Globe Theatre has plans to perform Hamlet in every country in the world, including North Korea. Said one North Korean official, 'Do you need a skull? Because we can get you a skull.'" –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

"Nah, I'm good," said Melania." (One of them even lost an eye... 26.)

A new study has found that when romantic partners hold hands while in pain, their brain waves can sync and decrease that pain. "Nah, I'm good," said Melania." --Seth Meyers

Two elderly women in Canada this week got into a physical fight after they both wanted to sit in the same chair during a game of Bingo. One of them even lost an eye... 26. --Seth Meyers

A doctor in the U.K. yesterday admitted misconduct charges after he accidentally performed a vasectomy on the wrong patient. Apparently, the patient was pretty upset when she woke up. --Seth Meyers

Adult website PornHub offered free snow removal during the blizzard yesterday to people in Boston and New Jersey. They cleared your sidewalk, your driveway, and your browser history. –Seth Meyers

That’s right. According to a new poll, 29% of people believe President Trump is a good role model for children. ”That’s all we needed to hear,” said Child Protective Services. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it was soaked in pepper spray and Mountain Dew Code Red (“Not so fast,” said Porn hub)

October 2021

At a republican rally in Virginia attendees recited the Pledge of Allegiance to a flag that was allegedly used during the capital riots. You could tell the flag was from the riots because it was soaked in pepper spray and Mountain Dew Code Red. —Michael Che

Colin Kaepernick revealed that he has maintained his 5:00 a.m. training regimen in case he gets called back up to the NFL. But the Giants are still going to stick with their current quarterback, a scarecrow on a Roomba. —Michael Che

Experts say that by 2026, Disney Plus will surpass Netflix to become the top streaming platform in the world. “Not so fast,” said Porn hub. —Michael Che

A California ranch once owned by Ronald Reagan, is being threatened by a large wildfire. Crews are hoping to put out the blaze by pouring water onto a nearby hill and hoping it trickles down. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

two pounds of bronzer/platinum blonde comb-over/teased to perfection (I think I even saw one on Pornhub)

Trump went on Geraldo Rivera’s podcast so Rivera could pick Trump’s brain. And you thought Al Capone’s vault was empty. —Bill Maher

I will happily vote for Michael Bloomberg if he is the winning bidder. —Bill Maher

Michael Bloomberg is not short on cash. He has ads running everywhere. Have you seen them. They’re on Facebook, they’re on Youtube, they’re on television. I think I even saw one on Pornhub. —Bill Maher

Rush Limbaugh doesn’t think that Mayor Pete, if he gets the nomination, would stand a chance against ‘Mr. Man’ Donald Trump. Because Rush said, ‘how is it going to look a gay guy kissing his husband on stage next to Mr. Man, Donald Trump.’ Maybe Rush has a point. I tell you when I see a guy wearing two pounds of bronzer, has a platinum blonde comb-over that’s teased to perfection, the first thing I think of is, what a man! —Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

cuz I’m pulling for the country to have a happy ending (if you don’t let him score, you are slapped and then shot)

A Danish political candidate is putting campaign ads on PornHub. The ad placed by candidate Jokke Olsen even included a slogan that translates to, “When you are finished masturbating, vote for Jokke.” Come on, man! You can do better than that. How about, I’ll rub out the deficit, cuz I’m pulling for the country to have a happy ending. --Stephen Colbert

Over the weekend Donald Trump said that Democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg looked like Alfred E. Neuman the mascot of Mad Magazine. I see the similarity in that they are both more qualified to be president than Donald Trump. --Stephen Colbert

Russian president Vladimir Putin took part in an annual exhibition hockey game in Sochi, and he reportedly scored eight goals. No surprise. He has an incredible slap shot, where if you don’t let him score, you are slapped and then shot. --Stephen Colbert

A Florida man got a DUI after crashing a lawnmower into a police car. Yet another headline that did not need to specify what state it happened in. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I did not tell President Trump that vampires are real (one sock)

It keeps happening. Trump makes up something insane about another country and then the president of that country has to come out and say it's not true. We're like a week away from the president of Romania calling a press conference to say, "I did not tell President Trump that vampires are real." --Seth Meyers

President Trump will pardon two Turkeys tomorrow, but, first, Robert Mueller will subpoena them. --Seth Meyers

And, finally, the adult website Pornhub has launched a new fashion collection featuring tote bags, T-shirts, and socks. Well, one sock. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

"Don't make the same mistake my parents made," said Pornhub Collins (side of mayo/a little bit gay)

Democrats and some Republicans are voicing concerns about President Trump's proposed military parade and feel the event may come off as totalitarian. You think? That's like someone being worried that the Pride Parade is going to come off as a little bit gay. --Seth Meyers

President Trump had lunch with Vice President Mike Pence today. He didn't mean to. He just asked a waiter for a side of mayo and they brought Pence over. --Seth Meyers

President Trump tweeted today that there is nothing that he would want more for the country than true freedom of the press. And then even the Twitter bird rolled its eyes. --Seth Meyers

According to a new study, roughly 20 percent of millennial parents have changed or seriously considered changing their baby's name based on what internet domain names were available at the time. "Don't make the same mistake my parents made," said Pornhub Collins. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

JOKES: Trump claimed over $100 million in business losses in 2005 (Ginsburg’s 84th birthday)

Maddow also reported last night that President Trump claimed over $100 million in business losses in 2005. How do you lose $100 million in 2005? Did you buy stock in Heidi Montag? –Seth Meyers

Today was Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s 84th birthday. I don’t know how she celebrated, but I hope it was carefully. –Seth Meyers

Adult website PornHub offered free snow removal during the blizzard yesterday to people in Boston and New Jersey. They cleared your sidewalk, your driveway, and your browser history. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: she won the Grammy for Best Mistake (W's Iraqalypto)

Scott Baio said he is furious with Nordstrom for dropping Ivanka Trump’s clothing line. But mostly, Baio’s mad at Nordstrom for cutting his hours working in the stockroom. –Conan O’Brien

On Valentine’s Day, the most popular search terms on Pornhub are “love” and “romance.” Those searches result in the message, “What’s your problem? This is Pornhub.” –Conan O’Brien

Last night at the Grammys, Adele started a tribute to George Michael but messed up and so she started over. She was on such a roll that she won the Grammy for Best Mistake. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

today Hillary was endorsed by the CEO of PornHub (loud leaf blower)

New York City is officially making its public bathrooms gender-neutral. So next time you try to use a public bathroom in New York, there could be either a man or a woman living in it. –Conan O’Brien

Hillary Clinton has unveiled a technology plan that would offer broadband Internet access to all Americans. Which is why today Hillary was endorsed by the CEO of PornHub. –Conan O’Brien

Nancy Grace is leaving Headline News in October. The network announced she will be replaced by an especially loud leaf blower. –Conan O’Brien