I mean, these people can barely deliver a pizza (Y'all Wild)

Bill O’Reilly has been fired by Fox News. It’s not that big of a surprise. We all saw this coming at us, you know, like an old man cornering an intern in the break room. –Stephen Colbert

Fox issued an official statement this afternoon on Bill O’Reilly’s dismissal. I think they just took the Roger Ailes statement and just changed the nouns. –Stephen Colbert

One adult video website announced it would donate snow removal services to several cities in the Northeast because it wants to “plow Boston.” Very generous. Very, very generous. I’m not sure I trust the porn industry with city services. I mean, these people can barely deliver a pizza. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He violated Fox News’s strict 11-woman limit (Americans with legitimate grievances)

Bill O’Reilly has been fired from Fox News after being accused of sexually harassing up to 12 women. Apparently O’Reilly violated Fox News’s strict 11-woman limit. –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump is now making fun of what he calls John Kasich's "disgusting" table manners. As an example, Trump named Kasich's gross habit of having dinner with a wife who’s about his own age. –Conan O’Brien

"A Colorado company has introduced the first marijuana vending machine. As a result, the vending machines around it are doing much better." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Welcome aboard! (So, do I get a doubles trophy?)

Fox News announced that Bill O’Reilly has been fired, after his sexual harassment scandal. Experts say it is not likely that any self-respecting network will ever hire him — then CNN said, “Welcome aboard!” –Jimmy Fallon

Congrats to Serena Williams! She just announced that she’s expecting a baby, which means she won the Australian Open while she was pregnant. Then the baby said, “So, do I get a doubles trophy?” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How can I oppose anything that brings more cake into New Jersey? (Good hair and a soul)

"As of today, same-sex marriages are now legal in New Jersey. And today New Jersey governor Chris Christie announced he would no longer oppose gay marriage. He said, 'How can I oppose anything that brings more cake into New Jersey?'" –Conan O'Brien

Bill O’Reilly revealed that he is mad at God for putting him through his sexual harassment scandal. Today, God refused to comment; instead, she just laughed. –Conan O’Brien

Joe Biden announced he is not running for president. And so, as promised, Hillary Clinton immediately released his dog. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Leave it to Fox News to provide a fair and balanced view of slavery (Now where’s my check?)

After Michelle Obama’s speech where she said the White House was built by slaves, Fox News host Bill O’Reilly said the slaves who built the White House were "well fed" and had "decent lodging." Leave it to Fox News to provide a fair and balanced view of slavery. --Conan O’Brien

Hillary Clinton gave her big speech at the Democratic Convention this evening. And there was an awkward moment when she finished the speech and said, "Now where’s my check?" –Conan O’Brien

"Queen Elizabeth met the royal baby yesterday. The baby cried, so Queen Elizabeth explained, 'You'll never have to work a day in your life.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

3% of U.S. military spending could end starvation on earth (However, he ended the tweet with #Alibi)

A new exhibit shows eight of the alternate endings Ernest Hemingway considered using for his classic novel "A Farewell to Arms." In my opinion the worst is the one that ends with "see ya later, arms!" –Conan O’Brien

This weekend, Bill Clinton tweeted that he was in Houston visiting Former President George H.W. Bush. However, he ended the tweet with #Alibi. –Conan O’Brien

Because of the sexual allegations against him, it’s rumored that Bill O’Reilly’s show may be going off the air. For continuity’s sake, Fox will replace it with reruns of "The Cosby Show." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He says he can't wait to just take it all in, hold it for several seconds, and then exhale (It's all fake news buddy!)

I saw that earlier today, Bill O’Reilly actually met with Pope Francis at the Vatican. And when he saw O’Reilly go into confession, the next guy in line said, “You know what? I’ll come back tomorrow.” –Jimmy Fallon

"Yesterday President Obama traveled to Jamaica, where he will meet with students and Caribbean leaders. Jamaica's such a beautiful place, Obama says he can't wait to just take it all in, hold it for several seconds, and then exhale." –Jimmy Fallon

Next week Donald Trump is hosting German Chancellor Angela Merkel at the White House for the second time. This is so historic. It's the first time Trump has met with a woman this often, and not paid her $130,000. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He violated Fox News’s strict 11-woman limit (his secret business trick called “not paying for stuff”)

Bill O’Reilly has been fired from Fox News after being accused of sexually harassing up to 12 women. Apparently O’Reilly violated Fox News’s strict 11-woman limit. –Conan O’Brien

An archaeologist is claiming he’s discovered an amazing lost city in Kansas. Then he realized he just got drunk and watched “The Wizard of Oz.” –Conan O’Brien

A new report says the U.S. border wall could cost three times as much as previously estimated. However, Trump says he’ll keep costs down with his secret business trick called “not paying for stuff.” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In a related story, Fox News has finally found its replacement for Bill O’Reilly (Loving, Touching, Squeezing)

Today, Russian President Vladimir Putin said he had nothing to do with the firing of FBI Director James Comey. Putin said, “How could I? He’s still alive, isn’t he?” –Conan O’Brien

Today, President Trump promised to bring back “the spirit and prestige of the FBI.” Trump said, “When I’m arrested, I want to be arrested by the very best.” –Conan O’Brien

Yesterday, Kim Jong Un hurled a series of insults at Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. In a related story, Fox News has finally found its replacement for Bill O’Reilly. –Conan O’Brien

"A group of TSA agents has formed a choir to entertain travelers as they go through security. It's not helping that the only song they sing is Journey's 'Loving, Touching, Squeezing.'" –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know what? I’ll come back tomorrow (So, do I get a doubles trophy?)

I saw that earlier today, Bill O’Reilly actually met with Pope Francis at the Vatican. And when he saw O’Reilly go into confession, the next guy in line said, “You know what? I’ll come back tomorrow.” –Jimmy Fallon

Congrats to Serena Williams! She just announced that she’s expecting a baby, which means she won the Australian Open while she was pregnant. Then the baby said, “So, do I get a doubles trophy?” –Jimmy Fallon

Fox News announced that Bill O’Reilly has been fired, after his sexual harassment scandal. Experts say it is not likely that any self-respecting network will ever hire him — then CNN said, “Welcome aboard!” –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or as that’s called in the Trump administration, "overqualified." (Fox News’s strict 11-woman limit)

A new report says the U.S. border wall could cost three times as much as previously estimated. However, Trump says he’ll keep costs down with his secret business trick called “not paying for stuff.” –Conan O’Brien

Bill O’Reilly has been fired from Fox News after being accused of sexually harassing up to 12 women. Apparently O’Reilly violated Fox News’s strict 11-woman limit. –Conan O’Brien

President Trump's new nominee to head NASA is a Republican congressman with no science background. Or as that’s called in the Trump administration, "overqualified." --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

For continuity’s sake, Fox will replace it with reruns of The Cosby Show (However, he ended the tweet with #Alibi)

Researchers are saying that men who marry intelligent women are less likely to develop dementia later in life. After hearing this, Kanye West said, "Where am I?" –Conan O’Brien

A 104-year-old man just became the oldest person in the world to get a first tattoo. The tattoo says, "Do Not Resuscitate." –Conan O’Brien

Because of the sexual allegations against him, it’s rumored that Bill O’Reilly’s show may be going off the air. For continuity’s sake, Fox will replace it with reruns of "The Cosby Show." –Conan O’Brien

This weekend, Bill Clinton tweeted that he was in Houston visiting Former President George H.W. Bush. However, he ended the tweet with #Alibi. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We’ve seen this with his ties, his steaks, his university, and his children (What’s the worst that could happen?)

December 2021

“California’s governor, Gavin Newsom, plans to use Texas’s restrictive abortion law as a model for gun control in the state. Under Newsom’s plan, California citizens will be able to sue anyone who makes, distributes or sells the assault weapons, citing supreme court rulings that have allowed the Texas anti-abortion law to stay in effect. The idea is that because the supreme court is allowing this for banning abortion, they’re going to have to allow it for banning guns, too. But here’s the thing: the problem with this idea is that the supreme court can make up whatever rules they like. If they want to strike down these gun laws, they’ll find a way, you know? The supreme court is like that annoying kid that your mom made you have play dates with. ’Tag, I got you!’ ‘Nuh uh, I have a vest that makes me invisible.’ America has gotten so divided right now, that at this point I think maybe some states should just like, secede? And try to do their own thing. Have they tried that before? What’s the worst that could happen?” —Trevor Noah

“Donald Trump and former Fox News host Bill O’Reilly held an event in Orlando that drew disappointing crowd sizes. The event, the first in their planned ‘history tour’, played to an arena with many empty seats, reported the Sun-Sentinel. If the place was any emptier, it would be Don Jr’s head. Though tickets originally sold for upwards of $100, the tour eventually gave away some for free. This happens a lot with things Trump puts his name on. First they’re considered to be valuable, and then everyone realizes they are garbage. We’ve seen this with his ties, his steaks, his university, his children.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

Oh, my God — the fire was set by Bill O’Reilly! (this never would have happened if the tree had a gun)

December 2021

“And Fox News tried to warn us this was coming. Every time a store clerk says, ‘Happy holidays,’ a Christmas tree bursts into flames.” —Stephen Colbert

“Authorities arrested a suspect last night, and police say that they believe he is homeless and mental illness may have played a factor. Homeless and mentally ill? Oh, my God — the fire was set by Bill O’Reilly!” —Stephen Colbert

“[To the tune of ‘It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas’] It’s beginning to look a lot like arson, everywhere you go. Take a look at the tree and then, the flames are roaring once again. Doocy, stop, drop, roll.” —Stephen Colbert

“Of course, this never would have happened if the tree had a gun.” —Stephen Colbert

“The fire was particularly upsetting for the friends at Fox because the evergreen tree is of course a symbol of the eternal life given by Christ. Or as Fox and Friends cohost Ainsley Earhardt put it, ‘a tree that unites us, that brings us together, it’s about the Christmas spirit, it’s about the holiday season, it’s about Jesus, it’s about Hanukah.’ Ainsley, you’re a gift from Jesus. But I’m gonna go out on a burning limb and say this is not about Hanukah. But on the other hand, maybe it is about Hanukah, because I have a feeling Fox will miraculously make this story last for eight days.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

An Actual Devil’s Advocate (getting strangled by a rainbow)

June 2021

“There was a surprise reversal of Bill Cosby’s sexual assault conviction, after the Pennsylvania supreme court ruled that an earlier no-prosecution agreement prevented him from being charged in the case. Cosby will be released from Pennsylvania state prison after serving over two years of his three-to-10-year sentence after being convicted of drugging and molesting Andrea Constand at his home in 2004. Got no idea what’s next for Cosby. My guess is he’s going to join Bill O’Reilly and the former president on a Monsters of Being Monsters tour. Cosby was released on a technicality rather than exoneration; the ruling stems from a 2005 agreement with then prosecutor Bruce Castor, who declined to prosecute Cosby in exchange for his testimony during a civil trial. If the name Bruce Castor rings a bell, it’s because he’s the same paragon of legal ethics who went on to represent the former president during his second impeachment trial. His business card just says: Bruce Castor, Actual Devil’s Advocate.” —Stephen Colbert

“Meanwhile, the country is as hot as hell, so at least Cosby has a preview of the afterlife. New York City hit real-feel temperatures of 105 degrees on Wednesday – it’s so hot, the Statue of Liberty dropped the toga. Even parts of Alaska reached 92 degrees this week, leading to an ice quake. That’s right, global warming has gotten so bad we have to learn all new disasters. Now we’ve got ice quakes, sand rain, thunder-namis, leaf herpes, and getting strangled by a rainbow.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Backstage passes automatically come with a hush money payment of $130,000. Isn’t that nice? (The Girl Is Mine)

June 2021

“Donald Trump and Bill O’Reilly announced a new speaking tour on Tuesday, with dates lined up in Texas and Florida for December. It should be a fun tour. Backstage passes automatically come with a hush money payment of $130,000. Isn’t that nice?” —Jimmy Fallon

“He’s teaming up with Bill O’Reilly for a series of live events they’re calling ‘The History Tour,’ which was also the name of Michael Jackson’s tour 25 years ago. And wait until you hear those two duet on ‘The Girl Is Mine.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“They’re planning to do four shows, and tickets go on sale next week. So if you enjoyed Charlie Sheen’s ‘Violent Torpedo of Truth’ tour, but weren’t so excited about the ‘truth’ part, this might be your thing.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”