What's it like to be celibate? (They did what?)

"Condoleezza Rice was in Rome and she visited the Vatican and all the priests were very happy to see her. And everybody kept asking her 'What's it like to be celibate?'" --David Letterman

"President Bush met with Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki and he spent the first hour trying to pronounce Nouri al-Maliki." --David Letterman

"We talk a lot about Iraq, the Middle East, and Baghdad in particular, which hasn't had what they call utility services. They haven't had water, electric return to the state the way they were before the war, but the United States isn't really doing so great with that here either." --Jon Stewart

"Humanitarian aid in the U.S. has begun arriving in Lebanon. The U.S. Government sent 10,000 medical kits, 20,000 blankets, $30 million cash and today the people of New Orleans said: 'They did what?'." --Jay Leno