There are now more weapons of mass destruction in the Bronx than there are in Iraq

"In the debate in the House the other day on banning gay marriage, Democratic Tennessee Congressman Lincoln Davis said we should go one step further and outlaw adultery and make it a felony. Have an affair and you can go to prison. And you thought a lot of congressmen went to jail for bribery. How overcrowded it is going to be now?" --Jay Leno

"On this date in 1969, do you know what happened? Neil Armstrong, was the first man to set foot on the moon. It's interesting now from this perspective: Sure we can put a man on the moon, but we still can't put a man on Condoleezza Rice." --David Letterman

"Despite the heat, President Bush is keeping busy. Earlier this week at the White House, President Bush met with the Prime Minister of India. There was an awkward moment when Bush asked the Indian Prime Minister, 'Now that you're here, could you see why my computer is acting up?'" --Conan O'Brien

"A Tomahawk cruise missile fell off a truck in the Bronx this week. A cruise missile, isn't that unbelievable? You know what that means? There are now more weapons of mass destruction in the Bronx than there are in Iraq." --Jay Leno