"Former President
Bill Clinton said that if his wife, Hillary, is elected president, he will do
whatever she wants. You know Bill Clinton -- when he makes a vow to Hillary,
you can take that to the bank." --Jay Leno
"Today was Dan
Rather's last day at CBS. He turned in his letter of resignation, which later
turned out to be a forgery." --Jay Leno
"This is a little
frightening. The White House says North Korea has missiles with the capability of
being launched in North Korea and landing on the west coast of the United
States. I was thinking about this and was like, 'Oh hell, that's Leno's problem.'"
--David Letterman
"According to
scientists one day we may have sex with robots. And if you want to know what
that's like, just ask Maria Shriver." --David Letterman
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