it's a win-win/Call it a hunch/surrender fries

"Big news on the international front this morning. A cease-fire went into effect between Israel and Hezbollah. Total disaster. We are no longer on the road to World War III. Jesus was half way here. Now he has turn his cloud of glory around and go back to heaven -- and it does not get good mileage. Here's the worst part. Guess who brokered this peace in the Middle East? The U.S. and the French working through the UN. The only non-offensive word in that sentence is 'through.'" --Stephen Colbert

"Changing 'french fries' to 'freedom fries' was arguably the Republican Congress' greatest accomplishment. Democrats would have called them 'surrender fries'." --Stephen Colbert

"There has been a myriad of sporadic cease-fires in the MidEast over the last sixty years. Indeed, over the last three millenia and each has proved but a tiny foyer opening onto yet another grand dark ballroom, whose weary dancers waltz endlessly to the dismal music of war. Still, I think this one's going to last. Call it a hunch." --Rob Corddry

"The ground fighting is only one front in the war between Israel and Hezbollah. There's also the propaganda war. Today Hezbollah claimed the month of fighting represented divine victory. Israel claimed it had achieved many of its military objectives. So, it proves what I've been saying about this conflict all along -- it's a win-win." --Jon Stewart