"Tonight's Word.
'Single Serving'. You see it everywhere folks. Nowadays there are pizzas made
for one, vacations packages for one. What's next? [on screen: Bicycles Built
For One?]. You know what, no more, we're at war here singles, pick a side, you
can be married or you can be gay. [on screen: Both, If Married to Liza
Minelli]. And folks, by married, I mean the way God originally intended. [on
screen: To A Woman Made From Your Rib?]. Listen up, two by two, paired off, male
to female, to ensure the survival of the species, just like Noah's Ark. [on
screen: Will Come In Handy When Glaciers Melt]. In this analogy gays are the
unicorns, fabulously mystical creatures who live in a world of rainbows."
--Stephen Colbert
"Miami's Hispanic
population took to the streets last night to celebrate Fidel Castro temporarily
stepping down from power. Way to go America! Our plan to slowly deteriorate his
health over the course of 50 years is working." --Stephen Colbert
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