there's no longer a severe chance of exploding (still not sure if that helps or hurts a guy)

"Between you and me, I don't know what 'macaca' means, but it sure as s--- sounds racist. And here in Virginia, still not sure if that helps or hurts a guy." --Rob Corddry

"According to a recent poll, more Americans can name the seven dwarfs than can name the nine Supreme Court justices. Strangely, Justice Souter is on both lists." --David Letterman

"Did you have trouble at the airport this week? I had to throw away all my make-up. They said it's because of this terrorist plot they foiled over in England. I believe it's an elaborate ruse perpetrated by the big cosmetics industry. Maybe it's not terrorism. Maybe it's Maybelline." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The TSA downgraded the threat level for flights between the U.S. and England from severe to high. So if you're nervous about taking a trip to London, there's no longer a severe chance of exploding, just a high one now." --Jimmy Kimmel