Or everyone else runs out of people (Chuck Norris bridge)

"The Hungarian government put together an internet voting thing to let their citizens vote on who a new bridge that will span the Danube River will be named after and so far the frontrunner is Chuck Norris. So either the Hungarians have a very good sense of humor or very bad taste. It's not a bad strategy though, because if war ever breaks out with Hungary what red-blooded American pilot is going to bomb the Chuck Norris bridge? Not one who's seen 'Missing In Action 2,' I'll tell you that." --Jimmy Kimmel

"On Friday, President Bush held a press conference with British Prime Minister Tony Blair and then he met with the 'American Idol,' Taylor Hicks. Those are our two last remaining allies apparently." --Jay Leno

"Lebanon. Our president, President Bush, has rejected calls for an immediate cease-fire on the grounds that he'd prefer a 'sustainable cease-fire.' It makes sense. He doesn't want the killing to stop until he's sure it will stop. So, there will be more killing until the president's convinced that there will be no more killing. Or everyone else runs out of people." --Jon Stewart