Normally I’d say don’t quit your day job but in this case... (the hoax of Trickle Down economics)

There was a hydration break in the war between US and Iran with a second straight day of peace. President Trump decided to stop bombing the strait of Hormuz and to start bombing at the White House correspondents dinner. —Jon Stewart

The president’s performance at the annual event had been widely criticized for being awkward and unfunny. Normally I’d say don’t quit your day job but in this case … I will make an exception. —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Rocky took the chairlift (putting raisins on rice)

Tuesday marked the third consecutive day of US airstrikes in Iran after the country said that it would charge tolls for ships to pass through the strait of Hormuz. Meanwhile, Trump has announced his own plans to charge a 20% toll on cargo shipped that passes through the strait. How did we end up like this? We’re a global superpower and we’re haggling over tolls with the Iranians. We’re not going to beat the Iranians at haggling – they invented it, and putting raisins on rice. —Michael Kosta 

Donald Trump had a lackluster reaction while greeting IndyCar racing drivers at the White House. Maybe it didn’t have that Eye of the Tiger energy. This would be like, if instead of running up the steps of the museum, Rocky took the chairlift. —Michael Kosta

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's basically the Hard Rock Café of catastrophic policy decisions (This might solve the puzzle)

"It's basically the Hard Rock Café of catastrophic policy decisions." –Jon Stewart on the Bush Presidential Library

"I guess that's better than its original title, Disasterpiece Theater." –Jon Stewart on the "Decision Points Theater" exhibit at the Bush Presidential Library

"Lebanon. Our president, President Bush, has rejected calls for an immediate cease-fire on the grounds that he'd prefer a 'sustainable cease-fire.' It makes sense. He doesn't want the killing to stop until he's sure it will stop. So, there will be more killing until the president's convinced that there will be no more killing. Or everyone else runs out of people." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, AI, can you start Monday? (which you could get in three sizes: poodle, doberman and JD Vance)

Jon Stewart replayed some footage from the chaos during the attack at the White House correspondents dinner, with clips of people grabbing bottles of alcohol for themselves and one man continuing to calmly eat his salad as Secret Service agents rushed to evacuate the president and thwart the attacker. “There have been times I have been very worried about artificial intelligence and whether or not it’s going to replace us. And then there are other times where I think, ‘Hey, AI, can you start Monday?’ —Jon Stewart

On the Daily Show, Josh Johnson also recapped the state visit from King Charles, the “the world’s oldest nepo baby” to Congress, because “even though our country is falling apart right now, it’s also our 250th birthday. So no matter how sad the party is going to be, our friends are still coming over. Then on the ride home they’ll be like: ‘She is a rough 250.’ —Josh Johnson

“Donald Trump desperately wants to be a king. We all know this. He loves pageantry and fanfare and putting his face and name on everything. His official store sells everything from Trump golf balls to Trump beer koozies to Trump pickleball paddles to Trump dog collars, which you could get in three sizes: poodle, doberman and JD Vance.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

You both historically care deeply about the same thing (It’s never great when someone says...)

 

There have been public clashes between Donald Trump and Pope Leo XIV, which began when the pope delivered a beautiful, compassionate message for the Easter holiday calling for peace around the world. It does not come into my brain that anyone in the world hearing the Pope’s message of peace will have some kind of weird problem with it. Except for Trump, who posted on his social media website Truth Social that the leader of the Catholic church was “weak” and a “loser”. I am really starting to sour on this president. Look, President Trump, I know the Vatican’s been critical of your policies, but you gotta remember that at the end of the day you and the Catholic church both historically care deeply about the same thing – covering up sex scandals. —Jon Stewart

President Trump has criticized the pope, whom he has called a “loser”. According to one Italian religious historian, not even Hitler or Mussolini attacked the pope so directly and publicly. It’s never great when someone says, ‘You should really be more discreet and respectful. You know, like Hitler.’ —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 
and Orwell’s 1984.”
 

I'm willing to bet Big Government feels it's biggest when it's inside your... (If Not Now, When?)

"Here's the detail I found most interesting: all the television sets must be tuned to Fox News. Wow! Because god forbid he walks into a hotel room, and the TV is on another channel, and he finds out what a sh---y job he's been doing. He's got to avoid not just CNN and MSNBC, I think Animal Planet is doing stories on that now. There was one other detail on the bottom of the rider, it was handwritten and somewhat cryptic. He also requests a rifle, some ammo and an old man's face." --Jon Stewart, on Dick Cheney's hotel suite demands

"The Supreme Court ruling that anyone who's arrested -- even accidentally -- can be strip-searched was decided five to four, with the votes for the searches coming from the Court's five conservatives. You know -- the 'defending personal liberty' guys. Which is weird because I'm not a constitutional scholar, but I'm willing to bet Big Government feels it's biggest when it's inside your anus." –Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the human centipede portion of the war (America’s first improv war)

This week marks a month of Donald Trump’s unauthorized war in Iran, and as we all know, one month is the elevated threat anniversary. Trump is threatening to escalate our bombing campaign unless Iran opens the strait that they closed in response to Trump’s bombing campaign. I believe we’ve entered what General Patton used to refer to as the ‘human centipede portion’ of the war. —Jon Stewart

Despite claiming that the war is won, Trump is reportedly threatening to send troops, giving the war “an erratic, make-it-up-as-you-go feel”, as the New York Times put it. Yes, it is officially America’s first improv war. —Stephen Colbert 

Thanks to Trump’s war in Iran gas prices are skyrocketing. Oil prices won’t come down until the strait of Hormuz is as open as Kristi Noem’s marriage. —Desi Lydic  

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Does he run on our misery? Does that make him stronger? (unless they have shovels)

I hope you had a happy Monday, because the dizzying, chaotic carnival ride that is Donald Trump’s America continues to careen down Shitshow Hill. It’s fucking madness out there: TSA lines longer than your actual trip, escalating threats in the Middle East, planes driving into trucks. But luckily, with everything going wrong in our country, our intrepid leader is utterly unbothered. The world disintegrates around President Trump, largely due to his actions, yet he still managed to spend the weekend golfing a couple of times and partying at Mar-a-Lago. I really think that the less fun we’re all having, the better he seems to be doing. Does he run on our misery? Does that make him stronger? —Jon Stewart

Look, Donald Trump is without a doubt one of the most prodigious liars this country has ever produced. He’s our Supreme Misleader. But the chaos this very actual war is creating is making us question even his reality-distorting powers. Let’s step back into the wayback machine. All the way back, I don’t know, June, when Israel and the United States first bombed Iran’s nuclear program. Remember when Trump claimed, among other things, that “we wiped out the nuclear capability of Iran. Obliterated it.” “It was obliterated like nobody’s ever seen before.” “I would say it’s set back permanently.” “That place is under rock. That place is demolished” And “They’re never gonna have nuclear.” CNN host Kaitlan Collins asked him: “If you obliterated their nuclear sites last summer with your strikes, then how can you argue it was an imminent threat now?” “We hit them so hard we oblitted them – obliterated them, but that doesn’t mean with the right equipment you can’t dig down and go get it.” Actually, I think it’s exactly what it means. God damn it. Motherfucker. It’s so annoying. Let’s consult the dictionary: “‘To obliterate: to destroy completely, leaving nothing behind.’ There’s nothing in here about, ‘Well, we completely obliterated it, unless they have shovels.’” —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

finally this administration has a sex scandal involving consenting adults (I think you have to take that seriously)

President Trump’s said that he expected his State of the Union speech to be long. Oh yeah, I think we’re all expecting that. He is incapable of being brief. Even if Trump were just going to read a haiku, I would expect two intermissions. —Seth Meyers

We have a status update on the homeland security secretary, Kristi Noem. As head of DHS, Noem has a busy job starting wars in American cities, but somehow she seems to have found time for love. There are many reports that Noem, who is married, is having a poorly concealed affair with her deputy, Corey Lewandowski. Both have denied the rumors. Guys, finally this administration has a sex scandal involving consenting adults. We did it! USA, USA, USA! —Desi Lydic

President Trump’s controversial tariffs, which the supreme court, even stacked with conservative justices, declared unconstitutional in a 6-3 opinion. Somebody finally had the balls to say they were illegal. A court composed mostly of his own party’s appointees has struck down the constitutionality of Trump’s go-it-alone tariff regime. That’s bound to cause him some introspection. Not quite. In a post on Truth Social, Trump called the supreme court a “disgrace to our nation” and suggested the justices were an “embarrassment” to their families. When a guy who had sex with a porn star right after his wife had given birth tells you you’re an embarrassment to your family, I think you have to take that seriously. —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

no one in the Army understands that language now (That was my idea)

"Let's not forget the disturbing news about the Middle East coming out of America. This week Bleu Copas became the 55th Arabic translator discharged under the Army's 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy. After being tipped off by anonymous emails investigators asked him if he had any gay friends and, this is true, if he was involved in community theater. By the way, Bleu Copas, who would have thought somebody named for a French cheese would be gay? Copas is accepting an honorable discharge but only to keep friends from being targeted. He says of his situation: 'It is unfair. It is unjust. Even with the policy we have, it should never have happened.' Sadly his protest was for naught as he made the statement in Arabic and no one in the Army understands that language now." --Jon Stewart

"Al Qaeda wasted no time in naming Zarqawi's successor and he is Abu Hamza al-Muhajer. Congratulations, al-Muhajer. You're the new leader of al Qaeda in Iraq and with that comes this beautiful dinette set and a brand new Pontiac Firebird. Come on down and collect your prize. I guess we'll have to find another way to catch him. That was my idea." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm just going to assume that is some euphemism for solving the Middle East crisis (We deeply regret/Basic Needs of Americans)

"It's hard to say you're sorry, especially when you're infallible. But last weekend, Pope Benedict offered these words of apology. He's sorry that people felt bad. That's known in Vatican terminology as a 'me-a-kinda.' It's a time-honored tradition in the Catholic Church dating back to the Inquisition when Pope Innocent IV said, 'We deeply regret the fact that so many non-believers happen to be flammable'." --Jon Stewart

"It's been a very busy and somewhat disturbing day throughout the world. President Bush was overseas in Germany as events unfolded. Here is his press conference with Chancellor Angela Merkel in Germany where he wasted no time addressing the many troubling developments [on screen: Bush saying, 'I'm looking forward to the feast you're going to have tonight. I understand I may have the honor of slicing the pig']. He may have the honor of slicing the pig? I'm just going to assume that is some euphemism for solving the Middle East crisis." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You still don't get the game that's being played (Marie Antoinette)

“On the very night Snap benefits ended, Trump threw a Great Gatsby-themed ode to decadence and hedonism that even Jeffrey Epstein would have thought was a little over the top. There were dancers, costumes, champagne – a wonderful celebration where the theme was apparently gross income inequality.” —Jon Stewart

“Your healthcare premiums may be going up, tariffs may be shutting down your small businesses, you may be losing your food assistance, but it’ll all OK because Donald Trump is building a ballroom that looks like the inside of Marie Antoinette’s vagina.” —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they could teach him a thing or two about blending foundation (getting rid of the taste)

Jon Stewart returned to his Monday perch for The Daily Show’s new season amid rampant speculation over the president’s health, after he wasn’t seen in public for several days over Labor Day weekend. “You people, you reporters, have no chill! Guy can’t take a few days for some R&R and a non-surgical breast reduction without everybody suddenly pulling out the toe tags? It does say something about the ubiquity of Donald Trump in our lives that we don’t hear from him for 20 minutes and we’re like: ‘He’s dead!’ Of course Trump didn’t die in office. But I wouldn’t put it past him, trying once again to take credit for something Biden had already accomplished.” —Jon Stewart

At the US Open tennis match, Trump sat in the Rolex booth – anything with a crown is like catnip to him, he can’t resist it. And once again, all eyes were on his hands. The president’s right hand was obviously plastered with some kind of putty that did not match the color of his skin. Between his face, his neck and his hand, his skin has more colors than a Sherwin-Williams store right now. It’s too bad he hates drag queens, because they could teach him a thing or two about blending foundation. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When Big Government feels it's biggest (they don't appear to know what it's doing)

"The Supreme Court ruling that anyone who's arrested -- even accidentally -- can be strip-searched was decided five to four, with the votes for the searches coming from the Court's five conservatives. You know -- the 'defending personal liberty' guys. Which is weird because I'm not a constitutional scholar, but I'm willing to bet Big Government feels it's biggest when it's inside your anus." –Jon Stewart

"The Bush administration is searching for a war czar to manage all the wars we're in and cut through the federal bureaucracy. Because the federal bureaucracy is why we're losing. So far, at least five four-star generals have declined the position, some citing that the Bush administration -- this is true -- doesn't appear to know what it's doing." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This chocolate cake is so moist and job creator (Average & Below Average)

"Republicans are no longer allowed to say that people are rich. You have to refer to them as 'job creators'. You can't even use the word 'rich'. You have to say, 'This chocolate cake is so moist and job creator.'" –Jon Stewart

"There is a rating agency called Standard & Poor's. Who's going to listen to a company whose name translates to Average & Below Average?" –Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow. $100 million worth of writers must have really paid off (I stepped up and banged his wife)

It was one year ago today that President Biden dropped out of the 2024 campaign. Time flies when you're dead. Meanwhile, his son Hunter unleashed on George Clooney and the Democrats for being disloyal to his father, adding, “I know about loyalty. When my brother died, I stepped up and banged his wife.” —Greg Gutfeld

Since Colbert's firing, Jon Stewart told CBS to go f yourself and Colbert told Trump to go f yourself. Wow. $100 million worth of writers must have really paid off. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

eight years after you buy it, its value decreases $14 trillion (and to your right you'll see a fire-breathing dragon)

"I just read that George W. Bush is getting his own limited edition baseball card. You can tell it's Bush's card because eight years after you buy it, its value decreases $14 trillion." –Jimmy Fallon

A JetBlue pilot was arrested this week and charged with heroin possession. Passengers could tell something was up when, during their flight, he announced, "To your left you'll see the Grand Canyon, and to your right you'll see a fire-breathing dragon." —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unions are a better deal than textbooks made them out to be (LA continues to be our most flammable city)

“Whether you win a basketball championship, a World Series championship, whether you have an exploding piñata gender reveal gone wrong, congratulations, it’s a boy and an evacuation. Or you’re just protesting the Trump administration’s expanded deportation raids. LA continues to be our most flammable city.” —Jon Stewart

President Trump, meanwhile, is set to attend the opening night of Les Misérables this week at the Kennedy Center. It’s the story of a convicted criminal who struggles to find redemption by going to see Les Misérables at the Kennedy Center. Les Misérables is French for how Trump will feel while sitting through it. —Seth Meyers

The fast-food chain Chipotle is set to launch a new adobo ranch dip. And then about four hours later, you’ll launch it. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He’s like the reverse Oprah (spoiler alerts)

Donald Trump plans to accept a super luxury Boeing jumbo jet from the royal family of Qatar, with an estimated value of $400 million. The aircraft would be used by Trump as a new Air Force One and then transferred to the Trump Presidential Library Foundation shortly before he leaves office. What? Qatar is giving us a plane that Trump gets to keep? He’s like the reverse Oprah – ‘I get a jet! … and that’s it. I get a jet, for my library.’ Why does his library need a jet? ‘Yeah, I’m calling from Europe, and I need a book about Trump by morning. And the book must travel in the comfort and style one can only get from Qatar.’ The 13-year-old 747 plane, known as the most luxurious private jet in the world, boasts the biggest master bedroom in the sky, several private offices and nine bathrooms. That is not a plane. That is a flying fuck palace. I’m not going to tell Trump how to run his business, but I would steam the shit out of those carpets. —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In the middle of an economic meltdown and you’re getting all philosophical? (the same tagline as season 3 of Squid Game)

Mr. President, now is the time to soothe a worried nation. Donald Trump put this out on social media. "Don't be weak. Don't be stupid. Don't be a ‘Panican’. Which he has termed a new party based on weak and stupid people. Panican? The genius who gave us classics like Sleepy Joe and Crooked Hillary just shit out, you're a Panican? How about Hysterocrats? Repussicans? How about how about Cryontologists? Did the overseas factory you had been sourcing your nicknames from get shut down during the tariff war? —Jon Stewart

President Trump is holding firm, posting on Truth Social, "Only the weak will fail.” What are you doing? Your economic policy has the same tagline as season 3 of Squid Game? That's supposed to make us feel better? —Jon Stewart

Right-wing conservatives are telling us to calm down and not to panic. When did the right become so chill? Aren't you the "Bud Light's turning my kids trans" folks? But in the middle of an economic meltdown and you’re getting all philosophical? —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”