"Unusual weather for New York City. Today it was 68 and foggy. No, wait a minute, that's me. I'm sorry, that's me." –David Letterman
"There are two sides in Iraq right now fighting. The side that hates us and the side that really hates us." --David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
"President Bush is criticizing the New York Times for revealing how we track terrorists' money. He's also criticized the Times for not having the funny pages." --David Letterman
"I think Dick Cheney is getting a little wacky, because earlier today, he came out in favor of same-sex waterboarding. Dick, are you all right? Are you okay, Dick?" --David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Dick Cheney was on television yesterday. He was giving an hour-long speech. In the speech, he's defending waterboarding. I thought, boy, that's a tough call — would you rather be waterboarded or listen to Cheney for an hour?" --David Letterman
"Good news from President Bush. At a press conference yesterday, he was upbeat, he was cheerful, he was optimistic. Yeah, that's right. He's drinking again. They say he's having a pretty good week and you got to give him credit because, earlier in the week, President Bush quietly sneaked into Iraq. Here's an idea: Why don't we quietly sneak out of Iraq?" –David Letterman
"Big news coming out of the Vatican. Pope Benedict resigned. And they're busy looking for replacements. The smart money is on Tim Tebow." –David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
"President Bush is in Austria. He's trying to convince European leaders to eliminate agricultural subsidies in order to promote global free trade. Yeah, he has no idea what that means either." --David Letterman
"Hillary Clinton has got a brand new diamond ring. A brand-new, huge, enormous diamond ring. It's oversized and it's flawed, just like her husband. The last time a Democrat had a stone that big, it was passed by Ted Kennedy." --David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Talking about presidents who smoked. You remember George W. Bush? Remember him? He's saying while he was president he would enjoy the occasional cigar. On a rare occasion, he would have a cigar because he said it helped him think. I want to tell you, occasions don't get more rare than that, ladies and gentlemen." –David Letterman
“Mitt Romney won in Michigan last night. It was certainly a close race — a real nail-biter or, in Romney's case, a real manicure.” –David Letterman
"Congratulations to Chelsea Clinton. Over the weekend, she gave birth to a baby girl. The baby girl will not confirm or deny whether she's running in 2056." –David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
"It's interesting to me that since they've been out of office, Dick Cheney has really got his nose out of joint. And now he is criticizing the Obama Administration for looking into the CIA torture policy. He says 'You shouldn't be looking into the CIA torturing policy.' He made that announcement, then he went back to his private island to hunt human prey." --David Letterman
"Dick Cheney accused Barack Obama of setting a 'terrible precedent.' That's what Cheney said, Obama is setting a 'terrible precedent,' not to be confused with George W. Bush, who was a terrible president. That's a different deal." --David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"One of the candidates, Abdullah Abdullah, has dropped out of the running, and they think now his dumb son is thinking about running, Abdullah W. Abdullah." --David Letterman
"This is not the first time a president has inspired a cocktail. We have the Obamarita. And remember George W. Bush? He inspired the Mojidiot." --David Letterman
"The Republicans in Congress voted no on the minimum wage. Wow, that's not the Republicans I know. I think they're confused. We're supposed to apply the economic sanctions to the Russians." –David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Osama bin Laden once got a speeding ticket in Pakistan. This guy had no respect for the law! When SEAL Team 6 broke into the house, he said to them, 'Is this about that speeding ticket?'" –David Letterman
"As governor of Texas, Rick Perry executed 236 people. Turns out many of them were guilty." –David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"If you are attending this campaign cookout in Iowa, please, this is sort of like the running of the bulls in Pamplona. Do not get between governor Christie and the potato salad." –David Letterman
"How about that Harry Potter movie? Opened today as a matter of fact. In this one, Harry goes up against Dick Cheney and his secret CIA hit squad." --David Letterman
"Anybody here from Minnesota? Congratulations, you have a brand new senator, our old friend, Al Franken. Al is an interesting guy. Went from being a comedian to a politician. George Bush, the other way around." --David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"It's day nine of the government shutdown. Are you like me? Are you beginning to miss the days when we were ruled by a mad English king?" –David Letterman
"How about that Harry Potter movie? Opened today as a matter of fact. In this one, Harry goes up against Dick Cheney and his secret CIA hit squad." --David Letterman
"Wall Street says they prefer Mitt Romney for president. And by God, who could question Wall Street's judgment?" –David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"So Jeb Bush is running for president. I don't know about the rest of the country, but thank God, ladies and gentlemen, the comedy recession is over!" —David Letterman
"And you know who else is going to be at the Beer Summit? Dick Cheney, former Vice President Dick 'Kaboom' Cheney will be there. He's going to go down to his old dudgeon and play the organ." --David Letterman
"The brother of former President George Bush, Jeb Bush, is running for president. Yep, and the campaign slogan is, 'I'm going to finish what my brother started.'" —David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Pope Francis is considering repealing celibacy for priests. Priests will no longer have to take a vow of celibacy. See what you can accomplish when you don't have Congress standing in your way?" –David Letterman
"If you are attending this campaign cookout in Iowa, please, this is sort of like the running of the bulls in Pamplona. Do not get between governor Christie and the potato salad." –David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Mitt Romney is worth $250 million. I saw him interviewed and they said, 'Mitt, how did you get so much money?" He said, "You know what? I always buy store-brand ketchup.'" –David Letterman
"Osama bin Laden once got a speeding ticket in Pakistan. This guy had no respect for the law! When SEAL Team 6 broke into the house, he said to them, 'Is this about that speeding ticket?'" –David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Congratulations to Chelsea Clinton. Over the weekend, she gave birth to a baby girl. The baby girl will not confirm or deny whether she's running in 2056." –David Letterman
"The Bush Presidential Library is beautiful, and they have a huge section devoted to weapons of mass destruction, but nobody can find it." –David Letterman
"Dick Cheney is all excited about the 2016 Olympics. He's really looking forward to the freestyle waterboarding." --David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Mitt Romney wants to prove he's a regular guy, so he was
someplace and he ordered a bucket of pheasant McNuggets."
–David Letterman
"I am excited about the World Cup and the U.S. soccer team. But I will admit there are nuances to the game that are lost on me. For example, the United States has won one game, tied one game. They play Germany, and if they tie Germany 0-0, they advance to the finals. It's just that exciting, ladies and gentlemen." –David Letterman
"The Republicans in Congress voted no on the minimum wage. Wow, that's not the Republicans I know. I think they're confused. We're supposed to apply economic sanctions to the Russians." –David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"The SEAL Team 6 broke into his compound and Osama bin Laden never knew what hit him. It's like a Kardashian husband." –David Letterman
I did some historical research today. Adolf Hitler, it turns out, was delinquent in his income taxes. He owed over $3 million in taxes. Boy, you think you know somebody. –David Letterman
"Is anyone here stranded because of the volcano? Well, that's what you get for traveling during volcano season." –David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Now, in Obama's defense, the president has always had his own particular way of relaxing. For example, George W. Bush had his way of relaxing. He was president. That's how he relaxed." –David Letterman
"Soccer is one of those things that the rest of the world cares more about than we do – you know, like healthcare, education, gun control." –David Letterman
They had a fundraising softball game at Yankee Stadium over the weekend, and do you know who played? New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. He had a great day at the plate. I'm talking about lunch.—David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Since Osama bin Laden was killed, they say the brand name of Al Qaeda has been damaged. Osama bin Laden's death has damaged the brand — that and poor customer service." –David Letterman
"President Bush is everywhere talking about his book and he's being very candid. In one interview, he said that he used to do stupid things while he was drunk. But think about it, who among us hasn't had a couple of drinks and invaded Iraq?" –David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"I think Dick Cheney is getting a little wacky, because earlier today, he came out in favor of same-sex waterboarding. Dick, are you all right? Are you okay, Dick?" --David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Dick Cheney went to see the Tom Hanks film 'Angels and Demons,' and through the whole movie he's screaming, 'Go Demons! Go Demons.'" --David Letterman
"In college, Dick Cheney went through a rebellious phase where he experimented with smiling." –David Letterman
"This oil spill in the Gulf is affecting everybody. In fact, when I went to lunch this weekend and ordered the sea bass, they asked if I wanted it regular or unleaded." –David Letterman
"You folks been following the big British Petroleum oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? I'm telling you, British Petroleum has put more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders." –David Letterman
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
