Our goal is to be the New Jersey of Europe (support lesbian independence for all)

"Russia announced that it is willing to store nuclear waste from other countries. A spokesperson for Russia said, 'Our goal is to be the New Jersey of Europe.'" --Conan O'Brien

"In a speech yesterday, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announce that he 'supports lessening our dependence on foreign oil.' Unfortunately, it came out sounding more like, 'I support lesbian independence for all.'" --Conan O'Brien

"When it gets hot, so hot you can't stand it and the steam is rising from your scalp, do you worry about global warming? Well, George Bush is now also worried about global warming, but he has a plan. He's going to invade the sun." --David Letterman