"Saddam Hussein has
been on a hunger strike for seventeen days. They had to nurse him back to
health with a feeding tube to get him healthy enough so he can go back on
trial. And then be put to death. It is an odd thing. Two years ago, we were
dropping ten thousand pound bombs on the guy. Now we're feeding him nutrients
through a tube. No wonder he's confused." --Jimmy Kimmel
"We won the Miss
Universe pageant. Meet Miss Puerto Rico, or as I call her, Miss 'U.S.A.'s
Territory with Commonwealth Status' Puerto Rico. She is so beautiful, you
almost want to let her vote in federal elections." --Stephen Colbert
"This Friday,
'American Idol' winner Taylor Hicks will go to the White House to meet with
President Bush. That's pretty cool, isn't it? Imagine an awkward Southern guy,
who nobody thought could win anything, sitting down with the 'American Idol,'
Taylor Hicks." --Jay Leno
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