"Those of you
following the Iraq war on television know that it has been pre-empted by the
summer action-packed replacement series, 'Lebanon.' It's new. It's scary, but
it's important for everyone to remain calm and keep the situation in
perspective [on screen: various politicians calling the situation World War
III]. So rest of the news media, stop calling it a 'regional conflict' or a
'police action.' It's a World War III or IV. Adjust your graphics
accordingly." --Stephen Colbert
"A tip of my hat to
Iraqi television for airing the TV show, 'Iraqi Star'-- a show very similar to
our own 'American Idol,' as if you needed any more proof that democracy is on
the march in Iraq. Iraqis are voting for their next pop superstar. Mission
accomplished. This was all part of the Bush administration's secret plan
titled, 'Operation Enduring Seacrest.'" --Stephen Colbert
"A wag of the finger
for the state of Arizona. According to the Arizona Republic, the state is
considering a new voting initiative that would 'use unclaimed Arizona Lottery
prize money to provide a $1 million reward to one randomly selected voter after
each general election.' First of all, if you're going to play the lottery, you
shouldn't even bother until it hits at least $150 million. What am I supposed
to do with $1 million? But more importantly, enticing people to register by
bribing them attracts the wrong kind of voter -- the poor kind. If you want to
get the right people at the polls, offer one lucky voter a capital gains tax
cut." --Stephen Colbert
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
No comments:
Post a Comment