"A lot of trouble in
the Middle East right now between Lebanon and Israel. Last night Israel bombed
the runways at Beirut's airport, putting a stop on all flights in and out. So
I'm sorry everybody, you're just gonna have to cancel that relaxing weekend
getaway to Beirut." --Conan O'Brien
"At a joint press
conference with President Bush, German Chancellor Angela Merkel called for a
'de-escalation of Mid-East violence.' Later, Bush called for both sides to
'de-angrify' and 'de-hurt' each other." -Conan O'Brien
"It's been a very
busy and somewhat disturbing day throughout the world. President Bush was
overseas in Germany as events unfolded. Here is his press conference with
Chancellor Angela Merkel in Germany where he wasted no time addressing the many
troubling developments [on screen: Bush saying, 'I'm looking forward to the
feast you're going to have tonight. I understand I may have the honor of
slicing the pig']. He may have the honor of slicing the pig? I'm just going to
assume that is some euphemism for solving the Middle East crisis." --Jon
Stewart
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