"Today is a historic
day. On this day in 1804 Vice President Aaron Burr shot Alexander Hamilton. A
vice president shooting a guy? I mean, luckily something like that couldn't
happen today." --David Letterman
"Enron's president,
Ken Lay, passed away last week. So I guess even God lost money on that Enron
deal. I believe the official cause of death was listed as 'karma.' The family
asked in lieu of flowers, please send some elderly retiree's entire life
savings." --Jay Leno
"Now the detainees at
Guantanamo will be treated in accordance with the Geneva Conventions. The
government is going the extra mile. Each one of them will also be receiving --
and this, I think, is exciting -- a Valpak savings envelope from Smart Shopper.
I mean, just a plethora of discounts for airport travel, pizza, dry cleaning,
dog food. I tell ya, these guys have really hit the lottery." --Jon
Stewart
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