Enjoy your holiday weekend (Sorry, creeps)

Hillary Clinton unveiled her technology plan which would offer broadband internet access to all Americans. Then she quickly added, "Except for my husband." –Conan O’Brien

The Miss Teen USA pageant has officially gotten rid of the swimsuit portion of the competition. They announced this in a brief press release that simply said, "Sorry, creeps." –Conan O’Brien

Toyota announced another massive recall because their airbags can explode at any moment. Toyota then said, "Enjoy your holiday weekend." –Conan O’Brien