"While the Mexicans
are fighting over which president they want, the Polish have decided to double
their pleasure by naming Jaroslaw Kaczynskias Prime Minister on Saturday,
joining his twin brother, Lech, who is the current president. How to tell the
Kaczynskias apart? Well, follow the guidelines provided by Sunday's Washington
Post: 'Lech is distinguished by two extra moles on his face; Jaroslaw is the
unmarried brother who lives with their mother.'" --Jon Stewart
"Here are the rules
of campaign trail kissing for a male politician: If you're campaigning to a
group of men, no kissing. Firm handshakes only. Middle-aged women you could go
for a hand or cheek kiss. Toddlers...anything not covered by clothes, you can
kiss. If you lift something up, you're asking for trouble. Now the good news,
babies -- pretty much open season -- anywhere but the anus." --Jon Stewart
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