It's basically the Hard Rock Café of catastrophic policy decisions (This might solve the puzzle)

"It's basically the Hard Rock Café of catastrophic policy decisions." –Jon Stewart on the Bush Presidential Library

"I guess that's better than its original title, Disasterpiece Theater." –Jon Stewart on the "Decision Points Theater" exhibit at the Bush Presidential Library

"Lebanon. Our president, President Bush, has rejected calls for an immediate cease-fire on the grounds that he'd prefer a 'sustainable cease-fire.' It makes sense. He doesn't want the killing to stop until he's sure it will stop. So, there will be more killing until the president's convinced that there will be no more killing. Or everyone else runs out of people." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Ultimately, that decision comes down to the man controlling our military (when he cracked open her shipping container)

 

There is growing confusion over whether Israel being allowed to continue bombing Lebanon was part of the ceasefire with Iran. Ultimately, that decision comes down to the man controlling our military, Benjamin Netanyahu. —Michael Che    

First Lady Melania Trump made a rare public statement to deny reports that Jeffrey Epstein introduced her to Donald Trump, because they actually met when Trump cracked open her shipping container. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 
and Orwell’s 1984.” 

When a clown and a serial killer love each other very much (Sarah Palin is not looking to bad now, is she?)

"Much like the Republicans, the Democrats are also going to have a mystery speaker. I believe it's Mitt Romney's dog." –Jay Leno

"Mitt Romney said the 47 percent of people who don't pay taxes are going to vote for Obama. You know what that means? He's going to vote for Obama." –Jay Leno

"After watching Clint Eastwood last night, be honest, Sarah Palin is not looking to bad now, is she?" –Jay Leno

"Humanitarian aid in the U.S. has begun arriving in Lebanon. The U.S. Government sent 10,000 medical kits, 20,000 blankets, $30 million cash and today the people of New Orleans said: 'They did what?'" --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Everybody Loves Hackalackal (So far, no word yet from Dan Fogelberg)

"Tense situation right now in the Middle East. Earlier today, Israel completely destroyed Hezbollah's TV station in Lebanon. The attack occurred half way through an episode of 'Everybody Loves Hackalackal.'" --Conan O'Brien

"I don't know if you have seen this. It's everywhere. They have a controversial photo of Barack Obama wearing a turban. It's been circulating on the Internet. Yeah, the turban photo should help Obama with a key group of voters, the New York taxi drivers." --Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday Pope Benedict was severely criticized for his anti-Muslim remarks by 1970's singer Cat Stevens. So far, no word yet from Dan Fogelberg." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I hope they got rid of the scary thing under my bed (retirement alcohol)

"President Bush's childhood home was turned into a museum. After hearing about it, President Bush said, 'I hope they got rid of the scary thing under my bed.'" --Conan O'Brien

"The president of Venezuela said maybe we need to move the U.N. out of the United States. Afterwards, a confused President Bush said, 'But then it would just be the ited States'." --Conan O'Brien

"To be fair, we are getting Americans out. Earlier today, 1,000 Americans were evacuated from Lebanon aboard a cruise ship called the 'Orient Queen.' The evacuation should go twice as fast once the 'Orient Queen' is joined by its sister ship, the 'Asian Flamer.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Duck Dynasty and the guy in the Chewbacca bikini (sustainable cease-fire)

 

"It's hard to say you're sorry, especially when you're infallible. But by last weekend, Pope Benedict offered these words of apology. He's sorry that people felt bad. That's known in Vatican terminology as a 'me-a-kinda.' It's a time-honored tradition in the Catholic Church dating back to the Inquisition when Pope Innocent IV said, 'We deeply regret the fact that so many nonbelievers happen to be flammable'." --Jon Stewart

"I guess now Dick Cheney knows what it feels like when someone you thought was a friend shoots you in the face." --Jon Stewart on Fox News' Megyn Kelly calling out Cheney for being wrong on Iraq

"Lebanon. Our president, President Bush, has rejected calls for an immediate cease-fire on the grounds that he'd prefer a 'sustainable cease-fire.' It makes sense. He doesn't want the killing to stop until he's sure it will stop. So, there will be more killing until the president's convinced that there will be no more killing. Or everyone else runs out of people." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

I think I might have ovulated (Adjust your graphics accordingly)

"Those of you following the Iraq war on television know that it has been pre-empted by the summer action-packed replacement series, 'Lebanon.' It's new. It's scary, but it's important for everyone to remain calm and keep the situation in perspective [on screen: various politicians calling the situation World War III]. So rest of the news media, stop calling it a 'regional conflict' or a 'police action.' It's a World War III or IV. Adjust your graphics accordingly." --Stephen Colbert

It’s Donald Trump’s birthday. Seventy-one candles on that cake. Although, Trump later said it was “over a million candles. Most candles ever.” –Stephen Colbert

This year the Kennedy Center honored Carole King. Now the night culminated in a tribute to Carole King with the great Aretha Franklin singing "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman." Aretha's so powerful that at the end of that song, I felt like a natural woman. I think I might have ovulated. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It certainly has reduced sexual harassment (Or, as I call her, the Poprah)

"Those of you following the Iraq war on television know that it has been pre-empted by the summer action-packed replacement series, 'Lebanon.' It's new. It's scary, but it's important for everyone to remain calm and keep the situation in perspective [on screen: various politicians calling the situation World War III]. So rest of the news media, stop calling it a 'regional conflict' or a 'police action.' It's a World War III or IV. Adjust your graphics accordingly." --Stephen Colbert

"Today, more huge news for Barack Obama, as Patrick, Caroline and Ted Kennedy declared their endorsement for president. Ted Kennedy, of course, called the lion of the Senate, because he can pull down and devour a zebra. The big question is, why would the Kennedys do this? Why would they go all out for Obama? Well, they're saying it's because Obama reminds them of JFK. Let me just say something. I'm going to be very clear. I've never been a fan of JFK, but there is one aspect that I did admire about President Kennedy, and that was in times of crisis, he took counsel from his brother and direct orders from the Pope. Catholics know that. We just didn't tell you people. And the reason why Obama, I think, is just like Kennedy is 'cause he, too, will take orders from a higher power -- Oprah. Or, as I call her, the Poprah.' Copyright Stephen Colbert." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Finally some good news for the oil companies (Asian Flamer)

"Obama said that one solution for using less oil is more nuclear power. He also admitted that he doesn't follow the news." –Conan O'Brien

"President Obama says that he prays every night before bed. Or as Fox News reported, 'Obama in Daily Talks With Allah.'" –Conan O'Brien 

"This week a new oil field was discovered under the Gulf of Mexico that could boost the U.S.' oil and gas reserves by 50%. Finally some good news for the oil companies." --Conan O'Brien

"To be fair, we are getting Americans out. Earlier today, 1,000 Americans were evacuated from Lebanon aboard a cruise ship called the 'Orient Queen.' The evacuation should go twice as fast once the 'Orient Queen' is joined by its sister ship, the 'Asian Flamer.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Or as it's known in the Middle East, Tuesday (it's been having some weird feelings)

"In the State of the Union address tonight, President Obama focused his speech on how to bring prosperity back to America. It basically involves all of us convincing Oprah we're her half sister. That's the plan." –Conan O'Brien 

"The terrorist group Hezbollah has taken power in Lebanon and opponents have declared a day of rage. Or as it's known in the Middle East, Tuesday." –Conan O’Brien

"President Bush said that when it comes to hurricane preparedness, step number one is, quote, 'pray that there's no hurricanes.' Later President Bush admitted, yeah, that's our entire plan." --Conan O'Brien

"The Pentagon admitted it's been spying on gay groups. The Pentagon also admitted that since it's started spying on gay groups, it's been having some weird feelings." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

That's ridiculous. I had my circumvention done when I was a baby (Lebanese)

"Earlier today at the White House, President Bush met with an official from Lebanon. He said he's always admired the Lebanese. He said in fact, Dick Cheney's daughter is Lebanese." --Conan O'Brien

"Inspiring developments -- Democracy is on the march in the Middle East. Yesterday, hundreds of thousands of Palestinians hit the polls for the first time of parliamentary elections in ten years. Which democratically elected party walked away victorious? Oh, it's Hamas! Yes, Hamas the militant Islamic group that is very anti-American and calls for the destruction of Israel, and wants a theocracy in Palestine. Though, on the plus side, they have returned all the money given to them by Jack Abramoff." --Jon Stewart

"Today at a press conference, President Bush defended his domestic wiretapping program when a reporter called it a circumvention of the law. The president said 'That's ridiculous. I had my circumvention done when I was a baby.'" --Conan O'Brien

Incidentally, Schwarzenegger Angelides is my porn name (Adjust your graphics accordingly)

"Californians selected state Treasurer Phil Angelides as their the candidate for the upcoming gubernatorial election, setting up a much anticipated Schwarzenegger/Angelides contest in November. Incidentally, Schwarzenegger Angelides is my porn name." --Jon Stewart

"Those of you following the Iraq war on television know that it has been pre-empted by the summer action-packed replacement series, 'Lebanon.' It's new. It's scary, but it's important for everyone to remain calm and keep the situation in perspective [on screen: various politicians calling the situation World War III]. So rest of the news media, stop calling it a 'regional conflict' or a 'police action.' It's a World War III or IV. Adjust your graphics accordingly." --Stephen Colbert

200 guys in rubber dingies (still not sure if that helps or hurts a guy)

"The shaky cease-fire in Lebanon continues to hold out against all odds. The peace plan, which was hammered out by the French and the U.N., called for 15,000 peace keepers led by sizable French contingent. Turns out in French, sizable translates as 200 guys in rubber dingies. Now it's all very predictable. You can't blame the French -- they're just being French. Of course, it's no great loss. Honestly, the difference between 200 French troops and 15,000 French troops is just fewer French prisoners." --Stephen Colbert

"Between you and me, I don't know what 'macaca' means, but it sure as s--- sounds racist. And here in Virginia, still not sure if that helps or hurts a guy." --Rob Corddry

"Miami's Hispanic population took to the streets last night to celebrate Fidel Castro temporarily stepping down from power. Way to go America! Our plan to slowly deteriorate his health over the course of 50 years is working." --Stephen Colbert

The best way to bring Bush's approval rating up. Just don't do anything.

"Humanitarian aid in the U.S. has begun arriving in Lebanon. The U.S. Government sent 10,000 medical kits, 20,000 blankets, $30 million cash and today the people of New Orleans said: 'They did what?'" --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton's opponent in the U.S. Senate race, Rudy Giuliani, the Republican she's going to be running against, has been married three times, had an affair with his chief of staff, had two kids with her while still married to his second wife. This is the first time in history that a Clinton is the 'family values' candidate." --Jay Leno

"As you know President Bush is currently on vacation in Texas. He said he's going to try and do absolutely nothing for the next ten days. His advisors think this is the best way to bring his approval rating up. Just don't do anything." --Jay Leno 

President Bush's approval rating is dropping (Home of Cindy Sheehan)

"According to a poll in Health Magazine, more Americans said they'd rather have Bill Clinton as their father than President Bush. Well sure, with Clinton you get away with a lot more, don't you think? 'Look, I won't mention you coming home late, if you don't mention me coming home late.'" --Jay Leno

"Since the bombing began, Israel has tried to make it clear Hezbollah and Syria are to blame for Lebanon's current nightmare. To that end, Israeli warplanes have dropped thousands of leaflets on Beirut over the last few days showing a caricature of Hezbollah chief Hassan Nasrallah as a cobra threatening the Lebanese capital. And really, what a great idea, because if there's anything that calms the Arab world down, it's a cartoon." --Jon Stewart

"I don't want to say President Bush's approval rating is dropping, but I understand there's a sign outside of Crawford, Texas, that now says, 'Home of Cindy Sheehan.'" --Jay Leno

a large percentage of my audience is terrorists (Adjust your graphics accordingly)

"Those of you following the Iraq war on television know that it has been pre-empted by the summer action-packed replacement series, 'Lebanon.' It's new. It's scary, but it's important for everyone to remain calm and keep the situation in perspective [on screen: various politicians calling the situation World War III]. So rest of the news media, stop calling it a 'regional conflict' or a 'police action.' It's a World War III or IV. Adjust your graphics accordingly." --Stephen Colbert

"Every time the president comes up with a new secret tactic to down al Qaeda, the media blows its cover: torture, monitoring our phone calls, monitoring our e-mails, secret prisons. All perfectly reasonable temporary concessions of freedom that will only be in effect as long as our never-ending war on terror. Well last week, the New York Times did it again folks. Now, I don't want to give to much information away on what they revealed, because a large percentage of my audience is terrorists." --Stephen Colbert

Bush asked if he could see the site where they filmed Hogan's Heroes

"A whole lot of turmoil this week, so let's get right to it. Starting as always with the Middle East. This week, the area's usual subconscious depression collided with storms of violent anger moving on from Israel on up to Gaza and straight on up through to Lebanon. By the way, if you're in the Mid-East, this is your 6,021 straight week of seething rage, and guess what guys? That's a new record, breaking the old mark of 6,020 weeks set by you last week. --Daily Show correspondent Jason Jones

"President Bush is in Germany right now. One embarrassing moment when he asked the German Chancellor if he could see the site where they filmed 'Hogan's Heroes.'" --Jay Leno

"Iraq's Prime Minister warned today that he would not hesitate to shut down any biased news media outlets. I didn't know they had the New York Times in Iraq." -Jay Leno

some euphemism for solving the Middle East crisis (de-angrify and de-hurt)

"A lot of trouble in the Middle East right now between Lebanon and Israel. Last night Israel bombed the runways at Beirut's airport, putting a stop on all flights in and out. So I'm sorry everybody, you're just gonna have to cancel that relaxing weekend getaway to Beirut." --Conan O'Brien

"At a joint press conference with President Bush, German Chancellor Angela Merkel called for a 'de-escalation of Mid-East violence.' Later, Bush called for both sides to 'de-angrify' and 'de-hurt' each other." -Conan O'Brien

"It's been a very busy and somewhat disturbing day throughout the world. President Bush was overseas in Germany as events unfolded. Here is his press conference with Chancellor Angela Merkel in Germany where he wasted no time addressing the many troubling developments [on screen: Bush saying, 'I'm looking forward to the feast you're going to have tonight. I understand I may have the honor of slicing the pig']. He may have the honor of slicing the pig? I'm just going to assume that is some euphemism for solving the Middle East crisis." --Jon Stewart

If it wasn't for Germany, there would be nothing to watch on the History Channel

"The United States is trying to evacuate 5,000 of our citizens from Lebanon, but the Pentagon says it's hard to move people across the border without any paperwork. You know what we should do? Ask the Mexican government to help. They moved 12 million people over the border with no paperwork." --Jay Leno

"President Bush has been overseas. He just got back today. While he was in Germany, President Bush praised the German people on their contributions that the country has made. He said, 'If it wasn't for Germany, there would be nothing to watch on the History Channel.'" --Jay Leno

"Valerie Plame. You know who she is? She was the CIA agent whose name was leaked to the press and is now suing Vice President Dick Cheney for violating her constitutional rights. She's suing Dick Cheney. Is that smart? Even the guy who Dick Cheney shot in the face isn't suing him and he's a lawyer." --Jay Leno

Whips and Cheneys (Adjust your graphics accordingly)

"Those of you following the Iraq war on television know that it has been pre-empted by the summer action-packed replacement series, 'Lebanon.' It's new. It's scary, but it's important for everyone to remain calm and keep the situation in perspective [on screen: various politicians calling the situation World War III]. So rest of the news media, stop calling it a 'regional conflict' or a 'police action.' It's a World War III or IV. Adjust your graphics accordingly." --Stephen Colbert

"A tip of my hat to Iraqi television for airing the TV show, 'Iraqi Star'-- a show very similar to our own 'American Idol,' as if you needed any more proof that democracy is on the march in Iraq. Iraqis are voting for their next pop superstar. Mission accomplished. This was all part of the Bush administration's secret plan titled, 'Operation Enduring Seacrest.'" --Stephen Colbert

"A wag of the finger for the state of Arizona. According to the Arizona Republic, the state is considering a new voting initiative that would 'use unclaimed Arizona Lottery prize money to provide a $1 million reward to one randomly selected voter after each general election.' First of all, if you're going to play the lottery, you shouldn't even bother until it hits at least $150 million. What am I supposed to do with $1 million? But more importantly, enticing people to register by bribing them attracts the wrong kind of voter -- the poor kind. If you want to get the right people at the polls, offer one lucky voter a capital gains tax cut." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”