When I hear the National Anthem I just put my hand over my heart (This makes Charlie Sheen our most decorated veteran)

"Newt Gingrich explained why he fooled around on his first two

wives by saying he loved this country so much that it led him to

cheating. He was so passionate about it he had to take his pants

off. When I hear the National Anthem I just put my hand over my

heart." –Jay Leno

"Life expectancy in the U.S. has risen to a new record of 78.2 years.

The bad news is, the average age a person has to work to before

they can retire is now 78.3 years." –Jay Leno

"Forty years since the War on Drugs began. This makes Charlie

Sheen our most decorated veteran." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When life gives you Yemens, you make Yemenade (a woman named Juanita)

"Liz Cheney has decided to pull out of her Senate campaign race in Wyoming — thus making her the first Cheney with an actual exit strategy." –Jay Leno

"And former President Bush says he's been following the situation in Yemen very carefully. But, you know, we love President Bush, but I don't think he really understands the situation. Like today, Bush said, 'When life gives you Yemens, you make Yemenade.'" –Jay Leno

"Mitt Romney, whose father was born in Mexico, is now talking up his Mexican heritage. Not to be outdone today, Newt Gingrich said he once cheated on one of his wives with a woman named Juanita." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's how you get demons (This could plunge America into a huge crayon shortage)

"An Indiana Republican congressman named Mark Souder, a married man and father of three, one of these family advocate guys, has resigned after admitting to having an affair with a female staffer. In his resignation statement, he mentions God five times and his wife once. He knows there's a slight chance that God might forgive him. God might let it slide. Not the wife." –Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin and President Bush have new books coming out this fall. You know what that means? This could plunge America into a huge crayon shortage." –Jay Leno

"And Governor Sarah Palin gave her speech tonight at the GOP Convention, and it gave people who didn't know anything about her the chance to finally meet her, you know, like John McCain." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Adultery of Hope (What are they going to do, cut off our heroin?)

"Police in Fort Wayne, Indiana, arrested a man for allegedly driving three blocks with four young children strapped to the hood of his car. Good to see Mitt Romney spending some time with the family, huh?" –Jay Leno

"Newt Gingrich is running and just came out with his new book: 'The Adultery of Hope.'" –Jay Leno

"It seems the country of Packalies, I mean Pakistan, is threatening to end cooperation with the U.S. What are they going to do, cut off our heroin?" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They didn't need TVs. They could see it from their porch. (Toolbox)

"Sunday night was the debut of the reality show, 'Sarah Palin's Alaska.' It got huge ratings. Even people over in Russia were watching and they didn't need TVs. They could see it from their porch. " –Jay Leno

"Oh, and Mitt Romney was on 'Fox and Friends.' He talked about his plan to run for president in 2012. It could be Mitt Romney versus Sarah Palin, which would be quite a matchup. I mean, one is a former governor obsessed with looks and hair. And the other, of course, is from Alaska." –Jay Leno

"Herman Cain now says he's consulting with his family whether to stay in the race. Really? You think that's what he's discussing with his wife, about staying in the race? How about staying in the house?" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Had he just been making light bulbs instead of movies he wouldn’t be in prison now (I just put my hand over my heart)

"General Electric announced it made a profit of $14 billion last year and paid zero in U.S. taxes. How does this make Wesley Snipes feel? Had he just been making light bulbs instead of movies he wouldn’t be in prison now." –Jay Leno

“Rick Santorum is so conservative, he won't even use the phrase ‘get ahold of yourself.’ That's how conservative.” –Jay Leno

"Newt Gingrich explained why he fooled around on his first two wives by saying he loved this country so much that it led him to cheating. He was so passionate about it he had to take his pants off. When I hear the National Anthem I just put my hand over my heart." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he said the dog ate his birth certificate/can't get her states right/Praise the Lard!

"President Obama told middle school students that he was always in trouble in the 8th grade. In fact, he was once sent to the principal's office because he said the dog ate his birth certificate." –Jay Leno

"Tea Party candidate Michele Bachmann said the Revolutionary War started in New Hampshire when it really started in Massachusetts. Interesting that a woman who believes so strongly in states rights can't get her states right." –Jay Leno

"Newt Gingrich explained why he fooled around on his first two wives by saying he loved this country so much that it led him to cheating. He was so passionate about it he had to take his pants off. When I hear the National Anthem I just put my hand over my heart." –Jay Leno 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He also prays that wife number three never finds out about Vanessa (the city could be solvent within 45 minutes)

"Newt Gingrich, who famously cheated on wife number two with now wife number three, says he prays for God's forgiveness. He also prays that wife number three never finds out about Vanessa." –Conan O'Brien

"After 60 years of service the Dalai Lama is stepping down as the political leader of Tibet. He heard there was an opening on 'Two and a Half Men.'" –Conan O'Brien

"In a new interview, Newt Gingrich says he cheated on two of his wives because he was too consumed with love for his country. Yeah, apparently he misunderstood the phrase, 'Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.'" –Conan O'Brien 

"Charlie Sheen says he's going to go to Haiti: 'I want to show them what a real disaster looks like.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Los Angeles residents are going to vote on a tax on anything sold in a medical marijuana dispensary. If the measure passes the city could be solvent within 45 minutes." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

those positions were so often on top of women who weren't his wife (call me when your foul lines are drawn with coke)

"In case you're unfamiliar with the term, journalism is an old-time occupation like boot blacking or alchemy." –Stephen Colbert

"Airlines are considering charging for reclining seats. Also, your scrotum now counts as a carry-on bag." –Stephen Colbert

‎"Newt Gingrich knows that before he throws his giant hat into the ring, he has to explain his past positions — specifically, why those positions were so often on top of women who weren't his wife." –Stephen Colbert

"Charlie Sheen — he's our new national pastime. Sorry baseball, call me when your foul lines are drawn with coke." –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

If she wants to win this November, she may have to change that position (I can't reach it with...)

"Democrats are calling Christine O'Donnell 'the Sarah Palin of the East.' Really? She's a loud, emotionally unstable woman from Delaware. That's not Sarah Palin, that's Joe Biden." –Craig Ferguson 

"She’s also against masturbation. I'm afraid you lost me now, lady. If she wants to win this November, she may have to change that position." –Craig Ferguson

"The Palin is strong in this one. My God. Just give her bangs and a pair of rim glasses and she'd be a dead-ringer for… [onscreen: a video clip of O’Donnell wearing glasses with bangs] Oh my God!" –Jon Stewart

After showing a clip of O'Donnell saying, "You’re gonna be pleasing each other and if he already knows what pleases him and he can please himself, then why am I in the picture?”, Jon Stewart said: "You're in the picture, my dear, because as Oscar Wilde once said, 'I can't reach it with my mouth.'"

After showing a clip of O'Donnell saying, "The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery, so you can’t masturbate without lust," Stephen Colbert said: "Thank you madam. Masturbation is adultery. I know this is horrible news for my home audience, many of whom are committing adultery as we speak."

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

you've been upside down on my wife... (the hypocrisy trifecta)

"Have you been following the John Ensign scandal? He's the senator from Nevada who got his penis caught in the cookie jar. It turns out he was screwing the wife of his chief of staff, they say. And I love this guy. He's a piece of work. Because John Ensign was a Promise Keeper. He was a big proponent of the Defense of Marriage Act. And a loud voice calling for Clinton to resign during the Lewinsky scandal. So he has hit the hypocrisy trifecta." --Bill Maher

"He told the Washington Post some years ago, that as a Christian politician, listen to this, he refused to be alone with a strange woman inside of a car. But apparently, being inside of a strange woman without a car that's okay, that's all good." --Bill Maher

"They said his chief of staff, the guy who's wife he was screwing, he threatened to go public unless Ensign, the senator, paid his mortgage. Apparently this guy had a big-ass house in Las Vegas. I know the economy is tough, but using your wife as collateral on your mortgage? That's a new one, even for the Republicans. And how do you broach that? 'Look, senator, I'm upside-down on my mortgage, you've been upside down on my wife...'" --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

the orangutan escaped his enclosure (SHHHHHHHHHH! Class Warfare)

Officials at a South Carolina zoo say an orangutan briefly escaped his enclosure on Monday, but then returned to his pen. Incidentally “the orangutan escaped his enclosure” is Secret Service code for when Trump shows up at a policy briefing. --Seth Meyers

A new poll has found that 86% of Americans said that it’s important that the president be loyal to their spouse. Said Melania, “No, seriously, I’m good.” --Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

He found out what his mistress would do for a Klondike Bar (An Inconvenient Son)

"Did you hear about this?  Al Gore's son was arrested speeding doing 100mph. Al's already made a movie about it called 'An Inconvenient Son.'" --David Letterman

"It was so hot, the mayor of Los Angeles found out what his mistress would do for a Klondike Bar. That's the big story in Los Angeles. It seems our mayor is getting a divorce and is dating a local TV news anchor. To which Rudy Giuliani said, 'Hey, when I was mayor that was a slow week.'" --Jay Leno

     

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster, soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Harry is prohibited from using his wand (stoned to death)

"Officials in Iran have announced that a man convicted of adultery there has been stoned to death. Imagine if they did that in Washington, they'd be out of stones like the first week." --Jay Leno

"In the new Harry Potter movie, Harry is prohibited from using his wand. I believe it's the same deal Hillary has with Bill." --David Letterman

      

A magisterial collection. An emotional rollercoaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

She was very instrumental in helping to elect William Howard Taft (7/11 commandment)

"Hillary Clinton was on 'The View' the other day. She was asking Barbara Walters for advice. A lot of people might not know this, but Barbara Walters was very instrumental in helping to elect William Howard Taft." --Jay Leno

"Republican frontrunner Rudy Giuliani  says he's going to try to follow Ronald Reagan's 11th commandment that a Republican should never attack another Republican. Let's hope Rudy has better luck with the 11th commandment than he did with the 7th commandment." --Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

I blame George Bush. He lowered the standard (other people's money)

"Donald Trump running for president. I blame George Bush. He lowered the standard." --David Letterman

"You know what I thought was interesting? While the president was speaking last night, they had an online translation of the speech in Arabic, Vietnamese, Mandarin Chinese, Farsi and Spanish. So, I guess President Bush really is trying to reach out to the people of California." --Jay Leno

 "Faith is playing a big part in this year's election. You have  Huckabee, the evangelical guy. See, these fellas get a lot of people concerned about the separation of church and state. Do you know how that came about? Anybody know? See, the separation of church and state was made very clear by our founding fathers. See, what they did is they looked at the Ten Commandments. 'Thou shall not steal. Thou shall not bear false witness. Thou shall not commit adultery.' Then they looked at Congress and realized these two could never come together, we have to separate them." --Jay Leno

There are now more weapons of mass destruction in the Bronx than there are in Iraq

"In the debate in the House the other day on banning gay marriage, Democratic Tennessee Congressman Lincoln Davis said we should go one step further and outlaw adultery and make it a felony. Have an affair and you can go to prison. And you thought a lot of congressmen went to jail for bribery. How overcrowded it is going to be now?" --Jay Leno

"On this date in 1969, do you know what happened? Neil Armstrong, was the first man to set foot on the moon. It's interesting now from this perspective: Sure we can put a man on the moon, but we still can't put a man on Condoleezza Rice." --David Letterman

"Despite the heat, President Bush is keeping busy. Earlier this week at the White House, President Bush met with the Prime Minister of India. There was an awkward moment when Bush asked the Indian Prime Minister, 'Now that you're here, could you see why my computer is acting up?'" --Conan O'Brien

"A Tomahawk cruise missile fell off a truck in the Bronx this week. A cruise missile, isn't that unbelievable? You know what that means? There are now more weapons of mass destruction in the Bronx than there are in Iraq." --Jay Leno 

Rick Perry said, 'I am also not a fan of gay milk.' (no adultery' pledge)

"Newt Gingrich signed a 'no adultery' pledge.' Out of habit he signed it John Smith." –Jay Leno



"According to a new CBS poll, 33 percent of Americans say they won't have enough money to cover their holiday spending. I believe these people are called Congress." –Jay Leno 







"On the campaign trail, Ron Paul said he does not like his milk homogenized. After this, Rick Perry said, 'I am also not a fan of gay milk.'" –Conan O'Brien 


http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”