That's the best thing since ripped up bread (Divorced, beheaded, divorced, escaped. Zombie, lesbian, disappeared, inflatable)

"Isn't it odd how history's greatest monsters have an artistic side? Osama bin Laden was a writer. Hitler was a painter. Justin Bieber is a singer." –Craig Ferguson

"Larry King has been married more times than Henry the Eighth. We used to have that rhyme to keep track of them. 'Divorced, beheaded, died. Divorced, beheaded, survived.' With Larry I think it goes, 'Divorced, beheaded, divorced, escaped. Zombie, lesbian, disappeared, inflatable.'" –Craig Ferguson

"The royal couple is finally heading to their honeymoon for two weeks of living in pampered luxury, followed by a lifetime of . . . the same." –Craig Ferguson

"Osama bin Laden kept a diary. Well that's very sweet, isn't it? Turns out his secret desire was to sneak into New York and catch a showing of 'Mamma Mia.' He briefly considered joining the cast of 'Two and a Half Men.'" –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

or like Two and a Half Men without a cast member going crazy (Needles sold separately)

December 2012

"As you know, the Mayans said the world will end tomorrow, and like everybody else, they blame Bush." –Jay Leno

"As we get closer to Christmas, these Christmas tree lots try to rip you off because they know you're desperate. They know you need a tree. I was at a lot last night. I went to buy a tree. Needles sold separately. I couldn't believe it." –Jay Leno

"'It's a Wonderful Life' is the one where the angel earns his wings. Because remember, kids, an angel without wings is like Tom Selleck without a moustache, or like 'Two and a Half Men' without a cast member going crazy." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When someone told me, I said, 'Norway?' He said, 'Yes, way.' (David Hasselhoff will go and collect the prize)

December 2012

"Today the Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to the European Union. The peace prize is awarded in Oslo. When someone told me, I said, 'Norway?' He said, 'Yes, way.'" –Craig Ferguson

"The EU was founded in 1993 to ensure that no European nation ever start another war. By European nation, they mean 'Germany.'" –Craig Ferguson

"I think the EU should expand and bring peace to the world's more troubled region. Perhaps the set of 'Two and a Half Men.'" –Craig Ferguson

"Who accepts the Nobel Prize if it goes to a group? It has to be someone not associated with any one country. Someone beloved by all of Europe for no reason at all. David Hasselhoff will go and collect the prize." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Top Ten Items On The United Nations General Assembly Agenda (Do whatever China says)

David Letterman's "Top Ten Items On The United Nations General Assembly Agenda"

10. Screw with the Swedes

9. Recap highlights from last night's 'Two and a Half Men'

8. Goodbye, Euro. Hello, Chuck E. Cheese tokens

7. Pass resolution that Steve Carell 'was robbed' at the Emmys

6. Gently break it to the Russians that they've been writing their Rs backwards all these years

5. Finally nail down which one's Uruguay and which one's Paraguay

4. Pitch sitcom about Greece and United States called 'Two Broke Countries'

3. Do whatever China says

2. Congratulate whatever country came up with the 'Girl With the Dragon Tattoo' books, because those were awesome 

1. Debate whether to renew the Letterman fatwa

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump's announcement opens the door for Randy Quaid and Gary Busey (all of whom are late night comedians)

"Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters — all of whom are late night comedians." –Conan O'Brien 

"Both Mike Huckabee and Donald Trump have announced they will not run for president. Huckabee's announcement opens the door for Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum, and Trump's announcement opens the door for Randy Quaid and Gary Busey." –Conan O'Brien 

"Republican candidate Ron Paul came out for the legalization of heroin and prostitution, unfortunately not in time to be cast as Charlie Sheen’s replacement on 'Two and a Half Men.'" –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Osama bin Laden kept a diary? (Justin Bieber is a singer)

"The CIA is going through the stuff they found in Osama bin Laden's compound, including a diary. I didn't know he had a diary. That is so sweet. They haven't read the diary yet because they can't find the little key to open it up." –Craig Ferguson 

"Osama bin Laden kept a diary. Well that's very sweet, isn't it? Turns out his secret desire was to sneak into New York and catch a showing of 'Mamma Mia.' He briefly considered joining the cast of 'Two and a Half Men.'" –Craig Ferguson

"Isn't it odd how history's greatest monsters have an artistic side? Osama bin Laden was a writer. Hitler was a painter. Justin Bieber is a singer." –Craig Ferguson

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

A new report found that the U.S. spends more than $5 billion on redundant government programs (redundant government programs)

"Charlie Sheen joined Twitter and within two days, had 1.4 million people following him. To be fair, most of those people work for the Center for Disease Control." –Conan O'Brien

"Bill Clinton has turned down an offer to appear on '30 Rock.' He's too busy mulling over an offer to star in 'Two and a Half Men.'" –Conan O'Brien

"The president of Mexico, Felipe Calderon, visited the White House. He asked to meet with our country's biggest importer of Mexican goods: Charlie Sheen." –Jimmy Fallon

"A new report found that the U.S. spends more than $5 billion on redundant government programs. Another report found that the U.S. spends more than $5 billion on redundant government programs." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He also prays that wife number three never finds out about Vanessa (the city could be solvent within 45 minutes)

"Newt Gingrich, who famously cheated on wife number two with now wife number three, says he prays for God's forgiveness. He also prays that wife number three never finds out about Vanessa." –Conan O'Brien

"After 60 years of service the Dalai Lama is stepping down as the political leader of Tibet. He heard there was an opening on 'Two and a Half Men.'" –Conan O'Brien

"In a new interview, Newt Gingrich says he cheated on two of his wives because he was too consumed with love for his country. Yeah, apparently he misunderstood the phrase, 'Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.'" –Conan O'Brien 

"Charlie Sheen says he's going to go to Haiti: 'I want to show them what a real disaster looks like.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Los Angeles residents are going to vote on a tax on anything sold in a medical marijuana dispensary. If the measure passes the city could be solvent within 45 minutes." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

sending a clear message to Iran (Two and A Half Men)

   

"Each year, ambassadors and presidents gather with the goal of making it impossible to get across town in less than two hours. Mr. President, you're first. This is your chance to send a clear message to Iran at the U.N. Take the first swing [on screen: Bush saying, 'Americans are outraged by the situation in Burma']. We are? Really? I think I would change that statement somewhat to say, 'Americans just found out there was still a Burma.' It turns out that during the president's 20-minute speech, he only mentioned Iran once in passing and Iraq twice, focusing more on how he also doesn't like Burma, Sudan, Zimbabwe, Cuba, Kurgistan, and -- this was odd -- the show 'Two and A Half Men.'" --Jon Stewart, on Bush's address to the U.N. General Assembly

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Trump's announcement opens the door for Randy Quaid and Gary Busey

"Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters — all of whom are late night comedians." –Conan O'Brien 



"Both Mike Huckabee and Donald Trump have announced they will not run for president. Huckabee's announcement opens the door for Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum, and Trump's announcement opens the door for Randy Quaid and Gary Busey." –Conan O'Brien 



"Republican candidate Ron Paul came out for the legalization of heroin and prostitution, unfortunately not in time to be cast as Charlie Sheen’s replacement on 'Two and a Half Men.'" –Conan O'Brien

Osama bin Laden joining the cast of Two and a Half Men

"The CIA is going through the stuff they found in Osama bin Laden's compound, including a diary. I didn't know he had a diary. That is so sweet. They haven't read the diary yet because they can't find the little key to open it up." –Craig Ferguson 



"Osama bin Laden kept a diary. Well that's very sweet, isn't it? Turns out his secret desire was to sneak into New York and catch a showing of 'Mamma Mia.' He briefly considered joining the cast of 'Two and a Half Men.'" –Craig Ferguson



"Isn't it odd how history's greatest monsters have an artistic side? Osama bin Laden was a writer. Hitler was a painter. Justin Bieber is a singer." –Craig Ferguson


John Hulse painting