So why did you get fired? (They hate being treated like the people who have to follow the laws)

"In a new ranking of U.S. presidents by 65 historians, President Bush came in fifth from the bottom. And here's the bad part -- the margin of error was five." --Jay Leno

"This is really unified in both parties. House Speaker Dennis Hastert has attacked the FBI for raiding the congressman's office, saying it was an abuse of power. Imagine the nerve of the FBI treating members of Congress like they are regular Americans. Can you imagine? If there's anything that people who make the laws hate is being treated like the people who have to follow the laws." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If there's anything that people who make the laws hate is being treated like the people who have to follow the laws (Ancestral Mathematics)

"Yankees owner George Steinbrenner passed away. He was a tough guy. Within five minutes in heaven, he fired God and told Jesus to lose the beard." –Jay Leno

"On the latest Mel Gibson tape, he insults women and uses ethnic slurs and obscenities. I knew Mel was an actor and a director, but apparently he’s also a rapper." –Jay Leno

"This is really unified in both parties. House Speaker Dennis Hastert has attacked the FBI for raiding the congressman's office, saying it was an abuse of power. Imagine the nerve of the FBI treating members of Congress like they are regular Americans. Can you imagine? If there's anything that people who make the laws hate is being treated like the people who have to follow the laws." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

If there's anything that people who make the laws hate is being treated like the people who have to follow the laws (Imagine how much they could do if we got rid of all of them?)

"This is really unified in both parties. House Speaker Dennis Hastert has attacked the FBI for raiding the congressman's office, saying it was an abuse of power. Imagine the nerve of the FBI treating members of Congress like they are regular Americans. Can you imagine? If there's anything that people who make the laws hate is being treated like the people who have to follow the laws." --Jay Leno

"In an interview on Fox News, Dick Cheney took full responsibility for shooting a fellow hunter. Then surprisingly, he broke down and admitted to killing two drifters in Flagstaff, Arizona in 1989." --Jay Leno

"The payroll tax extension passed the House and Senate by unanimous consent. This was a procedural move allowing it to pass, even though most members of congress were already home for the holidays. They weren't even there! Only 12 people out of 535 were there and they got it done. Imagine how much they could do if we got rid of all of them?" –Jay Leno

 

"A Nevada brothel is encouraging its customers to give their tips to the Ron Paul campaign. How did this endorsement deal slip by Bill Clinton? He must be getting old." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He sworn in on not just a Bible, but the Bible (Private Meeting, Do NOT Disturb)

"The new Democratic Congress being sworn in and oh, former Speaker Dennis Hastert does not look happy. I would not want to be the gallon of Ben & Jerry's waiting in his freezer." --Jon Stewart

"Those sworn in included a diverse group of Democrats, from Minnesota's Keith Ellison, America's first Muslim congressman who chose to be sworn in on a Koran, and 89-year-old Robert Byrd, sworn in on not just a Bible, but the Bible." --Jon Stewart

"The real history was being made in the House of Representatives where Nancy Pelosi became America's first female Speaker of the House [on screen: Pelosi offering children to come 'touch the gavel' after she was elected speaker]. I'm pretty sure that's what got the last Congress in trouble." --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

As they say, when in Sodom, vote Pelosi (pansies, twits, and losers)

"President Bush says that these rumors that he's just getting ready to attack Iran are propaganda. He said he and Cheney were ready months ago." --Jay Leno

"Senator Larry Craig has been selected for the Idaho Hall of Fame. Well, what a well thought out choice that was. Actually, he's not being inducted into the entire hall, just the men's room." --Jay Leno

     

"It's a special night, nation. Tonight we find out whether my name will appear on the South Carolina Democrat primary ballot. I've had my differences with the Democrats in the past. I've called them pansies, twits, losers, Dummocrats, Democrazies and Nazis. But hey, that's all water under their Nazi-bridge if I make it all on the ballot. I can play ball. As they say, when in Sodom, vote Pelosi." --Stephen Colbert

       

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

It also explains his choice for vice president -- Hannah Montana (blowing the call)

"Well, in a stunning announcement, Pennyslvania Senator Bob Casey Jr., who had said he would remain neutral, because he's a Democrat, has endorsed Barack Obama. He said he endorsed because of his four young daughters told him they wanted Barack for president. It also explains his choice for vice president -- Hannah Montana." --Jay Leno

 "And yesterday down in Washington D.C., President Bush threw out the first pitch at the Nationals game. ... He stayed and then left in the 7th inning and I thought, 'Great, at least he has an exit strategy for that.'" --David Letterman

 "You folks been following the presidential race? You know Hillary now is behind in states, behind in delegates, behind in the popular vote and also in the polls, and today, she said to Obama, 'Are you ready to throw in the towel?'" --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

How about you just spank me, we'll call it even? (clients one through eight were Charlie Sheen)

"The New York Times reported that New York Governor Eliot Spitzer was a customer of a high-end prostitution ring, that the prostitutes knew him as Client #9. Client #9, yeah. Not surprisingly, clients one through eight were Charlie Sheen." --Conan O'Brien

"It's getting serious, though. Republicans in New York have given Governor Spitzer an ultimatum. That if he doesn't resign, they'll push for impeachment. Governor Spitzer responded by saying, 'How about you just spank me, we'll call it even?'" --Conan O'Brien

"It hasn't been a great week for Governor Eliot Spitzer. This is a guy who built a career crusading against corruption. He got caught on an FBI wiretap arranging for a $1,000-an-hour prostitute. Spitzer is named as 'Client #9.' Allegedly, Client #9 wired money to something called the Emperor's Club, which is an online service that provides high-end hookers to upscale gentlemen like my Uncle Frank. Client #9 deposited $4,300 into his account and then he had a two-hour interlude with a prostitute name 'Kristen.' Which I think means he has two thousand dollars of credit left over. That'll come in handy -- with all the stress, he's gonna need to blow off some steam." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JusticeDemocrats #Bernie2020

the worst elevator ride ever (a series of graham cracker levees)

"President Bush met with the Prime Minister of Belgium and things got tense when the Prime Minister demanded the U.S. close the prison at Guantanamo Bay. President Bush quickly replied, 'The prison is closed. That's how we keep them in there.'" --Conan O'Brien

"New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin caused a controversy when he said when New Orleans is rebuilt, it will be a chocolate city. Yeah, he went on to say that it will be protected by a series of graham cracker levees." --Conan O'Brien

"Former Vice President Al Gore gave a passionate 10 minute speech where he criticized President Bush for, quote, repeatedly breaking the law. Those who heard the speech called it the worst elevator ride ever." --Conan O'Brien

He carries so many because they’re constantly getting slapped out of his hands

The first and only vice-presidential debate of this election season was held tonight, and it was pretty much the same as the debate I had with my wife about painting the foyer. “Do we want eggshell or ivory?” –Seth Meyers

Eric Trump today defended his father’s recent 3 a.m. Twitter rant about former Miss Universe Alicia Machado, telling reporters, “At least my father is up at 3 o’clock in the morning.” Why do you think that’s a good thing? You know who’s up that early? People who are wondering where they went wrong with their son. –Seth Meyers

The New York Times revealed today that Tim Kaine travels with six harmonicas in his briefcase. He carries so many because they’re constantly getting slapped out of his hands. –Seth Meyers

immigration was the sincerest form of flattery (whatever)

"President Bush has proposed sweeping immigration changes, which is pretty amazing when you consider before he became president, Bush thought immigration was the sincerest form of flattery." --Jay Leno

  

"Vice President Dick Cheney gave the commencement speech at his old high school in Casper, Wyoming, last weekend. He told graduating seniors to aim high because if they didn't, they might shoot someone in the face." --Jay Leno

"This is really unified in both parties. House Speaker Dennis Hastert has attacked the FBI for raiding the congressman's office, saying it was an abuse of power. Imagine the nerve of the FBI treating members of Congress like they are regular Americans. Can you imagine? If there's anything that people who make the laws hate is being treated like the people who have to follow the laws." --Jay Leno

a confused George W. Bush lit a menorah (the Republican principle of Go F--- Yourself)

"Today is Friday the 13th. Down in Washington, a confused George W. Bush lit a menorah." --David Letterman

"Happy Birthday to Senator Bob Dole. Bob Dole turned 83 on Saturday. Bob said today every year is a little harder for him, thanks to Viagra." --Jay Leno

"Let's see what's new with New Jersey Governor Jim 'Keep On Truckin' McGreevy. Former New Jersey Governor  Jim McGreevy has written a book where he said he used to cruise highway rest stops looking to have anonymous sex with gay truckers. At what point do you stop having anonymous sex at truck stops and say to yourself I'm tired of this, I'd rather be governor?" --Jay Leno

"Showing that he will not be deterred by this scandal, President Bush went to Chicago yesterday for a fundraiser with the embattled Speaker of the House, Dennis Hastert. Bush said he could have cancelled, but he wanted to show his unwavering commitment to the Republican principle of 'Go F--- Yourself.'" --Bill Maher

The Constitution? All of a sudden they found a copy? (turn out the lights)

"This is really unified in both parties. House Speaker Dennis Hastert has attacked the FBI for raiding the congressman's office, saying it was an abuse of power. Imagine the nerve of the FBI treating members of Congress like they are regular Americans. Can you imagine? If there's anything that people who make the laws hate is being treated like the people who have to follow the laws." --Jay Leno

"Today the Republicans said this raid may have violated protections for congressmen that are spelled out in the Constitution. The Constitution? All of a sudden they found a copy? Where was this when they were spying on our phone calls?" --Jay Leno

"Mexican President Vicente Fox arrived in the U.S. today. So, it's official. He's the last one. Turn out the lights. They are all here now." --Jay Leno

All he knows is if you pull it, you ice it (W. the film)

"Everyone knows that Congress people are assigned to committees based on their great weakness. Why would Senator Ted Stevens, a man more comfortable in the horse and buggy era, be in charge of regulating the Internet? Which he believes is a series of tubes -- a series of tubes though which other republican congressmen can reach through and fondle 16-year-olds." --John Oliver

"Mark Foley sent what appeared to be inappropriate e-mails and text messages to underage male congressional pages. Evidently, the Republican leadership knew about it anywhere from 11 months ago to 60 months ago. Now people are calling for House Speaker Denny Hastert to step down. That's totally unfair. He's a former high school wrestling coach. What would he know about the harassment of young boys? All he knows is if you pull it, you ice it." --Stephen Colbert

That's not just slow, that's FEMA slow.

"And House Speaker Dennis Hastert is under fire because he claims if he was told about Foley's sex scandal a few years ago,

he doesn't remember it. Really? How bad is the rest of the Republicans behavior if news of one having cybersex with teenage boys isn't that memorable?" --Jay Leno

"Earlier in the week, Mark Foley checked himself into rehab. But according to the New York Times, many people question his alcoholism claim. That's when you know things are bad in Washington: when a congressman can't even be trusted to be a drunk." --Jay Leno

"The only person who didn't know he was gay? Dennis Hastert. On Rush Limbaugh yesterday, Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert said, 'We took care of Mr. Foley. We found out about it and asked him to resign.' Yeah, a year later. That's not just slow, that's FEMA slow." --Jay Leno

the good old days when the only people that Republicans were screwing were the poor

"For the last two years of the Bill Clinton presidency, we told like 9 million Monica Lewinsky jokes. Now we're here tonight talking about Republican Congressman Mark Foley having cybersex with young boys. So, for the record, forget Fox News. We're the fair and balanced network." --Jay Leno

"Dennis Hastert also told reporters he will not be pressured to step down as House Speaker in the wake of the Foley scandal. Some say Hastert is afraid to step down, as there's a good chance he'll go right through the floor." --Amy Poehler

"Remember the good old days when the only people that Republicans were screwing were the poor." --Jay Leno

"What a month this has been for Republicans. George Allen's been on the front page and Mark Foley's been on every other page." --Jay Leno

the financially corrupt are now fighting with the sexually corrupt

"Yesterday, Denns Hastert defended himself by saying he had no idea what was going on. Hey, don't laugh. It worked for President Bush." --Jay Leno

"This Mark Foley e-mail thing caused quite a conflict within the two wings of the Republican Party. It seems the financially corrupt are now fighting with the sexually corrupt." --Jay Leno

"Iranian Supreme Leader Seyyed Ali Khamenei ruled this week that masturbation during Ramadan invalidates fasting. I think if that's true, you're doing it wrong." --Seth Meyers

"Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is in Iraq today. See, that's when you know things are bad in Washington -- when it's safer for Republicans to go to Baghdad." --Jay Leno

So save the date: February 8th, 3046. (nude photos of Dennis Hastert)

"It was reported this week that a $20 million provision has been placed in the military spending bill to pay for a party celebrating America's victory in Iraq and Afghanistan. So save the date: February 8th, 3046." --Amy Poehler

"Let's pretend this plug is 'Iraq' and you're trying to connect it to the 'war on terror,' which is this avocado. You can do it, but here's the problem: The avocado still doesn't turn on. And now your plug is covered in guacamole." -Jon Stewart, demonstrating the connection between Iraq and the war on terror

"I think this whole thing could have been nipped in the bud if somebody pulled Mark Foley aside at some point and showed him nude photos of Dennis Hastert." --Bill Maher

"Dennis Hastert now says that he did know about the (Mark Foley) e-mails, but was unaware, he says, that they were so sexually explicit. He said, 'My God, I didn't even read the Patriot Act.'." --Bill Maher

And knocked him off the page he was on, too. (one less bomb)

"The Republicans finally got some good news over the weekend. The North Koreans set off a nuclear bomb. Thank God. It was so powerful it knocked the Mark Foley story right off the front page. And knocked him off the page he was on, too." --Jay Leno

"It's interesting. President Bush’s approval rating is at an all-time low, North Korea's setting off bombs, Iraq is a mess, the Foley scandal keeps getting worse. Even the Democrats might not be able to blow this election." --Jay Leno

"A very scary situation in North Korea, but let's move on to the good news. As of last night, North Korea has one less bomb." --Jon Stewart

"There are more and more details coming out about this Foley page scandal. Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert has been meeting with everyone in Washington to figure a way out of this. Well, not meeting with everyone. I think it's fair to say he's never met with Jenny Craig." --Jay Leno

Gotcha. I don't have a North Korean policy (Dream Job)

"Now there are dozens of calls for House Speaker Dennis Hastert to step down. As you know, Hastert was a former gym teacher and boys' wrestling coach. To which Mark Foley said, 'Why would anybody quit a dream job like that?'" --Jay Leno

"President Bush says we need more time to determine if what North Korea detonated was a nuclear device. Well sure, that makes sense, because Bush doesn't want to rush to judgment when it comes to weapons of mass destruction." --David Letterman

"Democrats attacked President Bush for his North Korean policy. And Bush said, 'Gotcha. I don't have a North Korean policy.'" --Jay Leno

unwavering commitment to the Republican principle of 'Go F--- Yourself.'

"Today is Friday the 13th. Down in Washington, a confused George W. Bush lit a menorah." --David Letterman

"Showing that he will not be deterred by this scandal, President Bush went to Chicago yesterday for a fundraiser with the embattled Speaker of the House, Dennis Hastert. Bush said he could have cancelled, but he wanted to show his unwavering commitment to the Republican principle of 'Go F--- Yourself.'." --Bill Maher

"Traditional conservatives want small government and the government is getting smaller because congressmen are leaving office in disgrace. And one of those congressmen is Mark Foley, who had some electronic conversations with young congressional studs. And as I've said before, stud is just a text message abbreviation for 'Strong Teen Using Democracy.' Now with Foley's resignation came a disturbing revelation: there are gay Republicans -- apparently a whole lot of them. This is absolutely not fabulous." --Stephen Colbert