It’s really a matter of hole selection (I love Mexico)

"I love Mexico. There’s a beautiful island off the coast that has more seals than Osama bin Laden’s bedroom." –Craig Ferguson

"Donald Trump is comparing his resistance to same-sex marriage to his refusal to use a new kind of putter. I think gay people and straight people use the same putters. It’s really a matter of hole selection." –Jon Stewart

"I don’t like this new Obama who hunts Muslim extremists. I like the old Obama who WAS a Muslim extremist." –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

and I don’t want to get too technical — bad/Eat crow in style!/Discretionary Spending

“And these notes from Trump’s phone call fromUkrainian president, Volodymyr Zelensky,  that they released make Trump look — and I don’t want to get too technical — bad.” --Stephen Colbert

“[Imitating game show announcers] ‘Tell the president what he’s won!’ ‘It’s protracted impeachment inquiries, a permanent stain on his already shameful legacy, and a lovely Broyhill dinette set. Broyhill: Eat crow in style!” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Taj Mommy Please Look at Me! (You first!)

Two psychologists were hired to evaluate President Trump. Both diagnosed him as a “10 out of 10 Narcissist.” They also said that Trump has deep seated mommy issues as a symptom of his upbringing and a mother who didn’t pay enough attention to him. Which explains why the original name of Trump’s Atlantic City casino was the “Taj Mommy Please Look at Me!” --Stephen Colbert

Just this afternoon, President Trump unveiled his new immigration plan, which would require immigrants to learn English, pass a civics exam, and get a health screening. Trump wants immigrants to learn proper English and pass a basic exam about how American government works. To which immigrants said, “You first!” --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Come on. It doesn’t pass the smell test (Oh, You mean 0.15 Iraq Wars?)

Brian Kilmeade of Fox & Friends wondered why Kirsten Gillibrand would announce that she’s running for president on The Colbert Report. Colbert, “What gives Brian Kilmeade? I thought we were ‘& Friends’. First of all it’s not the Colbert Report. It’s the Colbert ‘Repor.’ The T is silent - like you were during the Roger Ailes scandal. --Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert as Donald Trump talking about Elizabeth Warren’s home video: “Look, the whole thing’s ridiculous. Can you imagine a wife being glad her husband’s there? Come on. It doesn’t pass the smell test.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I've always loved the beach, but I hate the ocean, so this is perfect! (I went out and spent $150,000 on clothes)

"I am Stephen Colbert, and I am reporting for duty. Folks, right off the top, I want to thank the USO for bringing me and my show to our brave men and women in uniform in Baghdad, Iraq. Thank you so much. I have to say, this place is great. I've always loved the beach, but I hate the ocean, so this is perfect!" --Stephen Colbert

"But, I won't kid you. I was feeling a little depressed when I heard that Governor Palin was mad at me and called me 'pathetic.' To cheer myself up, I went out and spent $150,000 on clothes, and I feel better now." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What? It seems like the safest place to be... (free ticket to Afghanistan?)

"What an honor it is for you to have me here, and what a thrill it is to bring my show to the men and women in the U.S. military in Iraq. That's right, ladies and gentlemen. Iraq. The country so nice, we invaded it twice." --Stephen Colbert

"You know, it's my first trip to Iraq. I don't know why I haven't made it here before, but it's hard to explain to the people back home just how hot it is here. Let me put it this way: When Saddam Hussein got to hell, I'm guessing he asked for a blanket." --Stephen Colbert 

"But you know, it must be nice here in Iraq, because I understand some of you keep coming back again, and again, and again. The good news is, you've earned enough frequent flier miles for a free ticket to Afghanistan." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Ousted Republicans Took Bibles With Them (First Name: 'The Late')

"When the Republicans were in power, their version of reality was worth ignoring facts for [on screen: And they did]. Now the Democrats are running the show and their version of reality is, unfortunately, based on reality, and we've got to bring the fight to them.. 

[on screen: Unless They're In A Cave in Tora Bora]. 

Fight fire with fire. Fight facts with facts. Here's a fact: The Democrats labeled the last Congress 'do-nothing,' but since the Democratic Congress convened last Thursday, they've already taken half of their days off..

[on screen: Saturday and Sunday]. 

Here's another fact: Barack Obama's middle name is Hussein. Sound familiar? Saddam Hussein's last name is Hussein.. 

[on screen: First Name: 'The Late']. 

Another fact: Democratic Representative Keith Ellison of Minnesota was sworn into Congress on a Koran. I don't need to tell you what that means.. 

[on screen: Ousted Republicans Took Bibles With Them]." 

--Stephen Colbert, from The Colbert Report

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Here's the scary thing: it turns out he was the pilot for Air Force One (Romulus and Remus)

"A guy was kicked off a flight for wearing an anti-Bush t-shirt. When he refused to take off the shirt or change the shirt, they kicked him off the plane. Here's the scary thing: it turns out he was the pilot for Air Force One." --Jay Leno

"This is the first year that the president is facing a Democratic-controlled Congress, with the new speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, over his left shoulder holding a possible murder weapon. I don't envy Bush going to speak to a Democratic Congress. They just finished their bally hoot 100-hour law-passing marathon in -- get this -- 42 hours. There's your hard working Democrats, folks. Hey, we're finished, right? Let's take the next 58 hours off to drop peyote and perform abortions on unwed immigrant teens." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He went with pinhead (And if I may say ... nailed it)

"It's so hard to follow. That is exactly why the president was so impressed. Legally, Alberto Gonzales had to appear before Congress, so his choice was either to expose the administration's political machinations, or appear to be a functioning pinhead. He went with pinhead. And if I may say ... nailed it." --Daily Show correspondent John Oliver, on Alberto Gonzales' Senate testimony

"I'm getting just a little bit concerned about the 2008 presidential election. Election Day is only 19 months away ... and I hate to say it, but there doesn't seem to be a clear cut winner yet. Come on, media. It's your job to preemptively anoint someone so we all know who to give our money to." --Stephen Colbert

"Today's USA Today broke down the Republican field. 'Rudy Giuliani has liberal social views and a messy personal history.' Messy personal history? Come on. That's pre-9/11 thinking. Giuliani hasn't filed for divorce once since then." --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Bombing the s**t out of a country in order to help it? (Think how easy conquering Iraq would be next to a galaxy)

"To comply with the World Bank's conflict of interest policy, Wolfowitz had Riza transferred to the State Department, given a $60,000 raise, a promotion, and guaranteed positive performance reviews to avoid conflict of interest. What's next? Bombing the s**t out of a country in order to help it?"--Jon Stewart

"On the tube there I had the 'Live Desk with Martha McCallum' on Fox News. I was really impressed with her profile of Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney. Now, Romney has been under a lot of scrutiny due to his religion. Gallup poll found that 66% of Americans said they weren't ready for a Mormon president. But yesterday, Romney laid our fears to rest when Martha asked him to name his favorite novel [on screen: Romney answering L. Ron Hubbard's 'Battlefield Earth']. Battlefield Earth. We have nothing to worry about, folks. Romney's clearly not a Mormon. He's a Scientologist. And we all know they make excellent leaders [on screen: John Travolta's character saying while others were learning to spell, he was being trained to conquer galaxies]. Think how easy conquering Iraq would be next to a galaxy." --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

All the colors of the rainbow from eggshell to ivory (Nation, we did it again)

"Nation, we did it again. This past Sunday, the French people went to the polls and elected conservative, pro-American candidate Nicolas Sarkozy as their new president. Just how American is he? He's allowed himself to be photographed with George W. Bush, which means he's more American than many of our presidential candidates." --Stephen Colbert

"Speaking of elections, last week Republicans held their first presidential debate. All the big candidates were there. McCain, Romney, Giuliani, Brownback, Huckabee ... and five other candidates who demonstrated the Republican Party's diversity. All the colors of the rainbow from eggshell to ivory." --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Are you happy? and Do you know it? (all-butterfly army)

"Last night, CNN hosted the second in a series of infinite Democratic debates. Most people feel candidates should get more time to answer the questions than contestants on 'Deal or No Deal' get. What is with the raising the hand thing? From now on the only question candidates can answer by raising their hands should be 'Are you happy?' and 'Do you know it?'" --Jon Stewart

"Speaking of threats to public safety, I don't know if you watched the Democratic presidential debate last night I didn't. But I assume I would have been really impressed with the way Hillary, Obama, and Edwards cemented their status as frontrunners; Gravel said somethin' batsh*t crazy; Richardson talked about New Mexico; Biden said you can't ship Richardson back to Mexico; and Kucinich called for the deployment of an all-butterfly army." --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

it's being marketed more as a justification to attack Greece (big fat sex scandal)

"A lot of people have asked, 'Why the big response'? Isn't it obvious? He's a strong leader, he's spreading democracy, and in Albania, it is effectively still 2002. They only just started listening to Nellie. It's still okay to wear those plastic butterfly clips in your hair. And 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding' has just opened in theatres. Though, over there, it's being marketed more as a justification to attack Greece." --Stephen Colbert

"So to the Albanians, the president has just recently launched a highly popular war in Afghanistan. There's no Iraq, no congressional page sex scandal, no Jack Abramoff, no wire-tapping, no secret prisons, no torture, no Valerie Plame, no Abu Ghraib, no no-bid contracts, no Hurricane Katrina, no attorney firings, no contents of Karl Rove's basement freezer. Oh. I'm sorry, I may have spoken too soon. I don't know if that one's broken yet. It's going to be big." --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-

collected-poems-1985-2015.html

just click over to Fox News. I believe they're running it on a loop (the other 68% are undecided)

"Sometimes it seems like Americans don't appreciate  President Bush. He is currently at a 32% approval rating in this country. I assume the other 68% are undecided. 

We Americans sometimes forget there are people all over the world who don't even have a President Bush. But those who take him for granted ate a big slice of 'no-longer-taking-for-granted' pie this weekend, when our commander-in-chief made a visit to Albania. 

He got a hero's welcome, swarmed by mobs of adoring fans. He is so beloved, the gypsies actually put money in his pockets. And if you missed that footage this morning, just click over to Fox News. I believe they're running it on a loop." --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-

collected-poems-1985-2015.html

I say their silence speaks volumes (MC's baby was sleeping in the next room)

"One of the key battlegrounds in our gay culture war is actually key battlegrounds. I'm talking about gays in the military. The 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy has thrown our armed forces into chaos in the middle of a war on terror. 

We cannot waiver on this issue, folks, and thank God none of the Republicans did in their recent presidential debate [on screen: none of the GOP WH '08ers raising their hand when asked if gays and lesbians should be allowed to serve openly in the military]. 

I say their silence speaks volumes. Plus, they kind of had to keep it down because Mary Cheney's baby was sleeping in the next room." --Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-

collected-poems-1985-2015.html

First you steal our rainbows (And the city of New Orleans says...)

"Scooter Libby is going to jail unless President Bush acts quickly. And the city of New Orleans says, 'Good luck with Bush acting quickly.'" --Jay Leno

"I guess I have to mention it's Gay Pride Month. Congratulations, gay people -- I mentioned you. First you steal our rainbows and now you've managed to steal a whole month. Of course, you picked the month with the most weddings in it. You are determined to destroy the sanctity of marriage." --Stephen Colbert, from The Colbert Report

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-

collected-poems-1985-2015.html

As they say, when in Sodom, vote Pelosi (pansies, twits, and losers)

"President Bush says that these rumors that he's just getting ready to attack Iran are propaganda. He said he and Cheney were ready months ago." --Jay Leno

"Senator Larry Craig has been selected for the Idaho Hall of Fame. Well, what a well thought out choice that was. Actually, he's not being inducted into the entire hall, just the men's room." --Jay Leno

     

"It's a special night, nation. Tonight we find out whether my name will appear on the South Carolina Democrat primary ballot. I've had my differences with the Democrats in the past. I've called them pansies, twits, losers, Dummocrats, Democrazies and Nazis. But hey, that's all water under their Nazi-bridge if I make it all on the ballot. I can play ball. As they say, when in Sodom, vote Pelosi." --Stephen Colbert

       

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

Afghanistan - The Path Forward (Goreggernaut/Stop Thinking?/Nobel War Prize)

"They awarded the peace prize to Al Gore. This is the latest in a series of awards Al Gore's won and I haven't -- an Emmy, an Oscar, he even won his matchup on kittenwar.com. Now, some people see Gore's latest honor as a sign that he should run for president. I see it as tonight's 'Word.' 

Enviro-medal disaster. 

Al Gore is rapidly depleting one of the earth's most precious resources -- awards 

[on screen: Melting Prize Caps]. 

The man is plowing through our prizescape like an unstoppable bulldozer of acclaim. Every day another precious, irreplaceable acre of trophies disappears into his gaping maw, never to be seen again 

[on screen: 'Daddy, What Were The Latin Grammys?']. 

At his current rate of accolade consumption, there will be nothing left for our grandchildren to win 

[on screen: Except 'Most Submerged']. 

If we care about the future of our Golden Globe, we must slow down the Gore juggernaut, or Goreggernaut. The only way to do that is to stop thinking he's so great. And that only way to do that is to stop thinking President Bush is so terrible 

[on screen: Stop Thinking?]. 

Gore's not the only one who deserves an award. Don't our children deserve a few? And doesn't our president deserve just one? 

[on screen: Nobel War Prize]. 

And that's 'The Word.'" 

--Stephen Colbert