Politicians are not supposed to approach people for sex (as Jesus would)

"Now, of course, the Republicans have completely turned on Larry Craig, as Jesus would. John McCain has called for him to step down, Mitt Romney has called for him to step down, Mark Foley has just called him." --Bill Maher

"Senator Craig has now called a press conference for tomorrow, probably he's going to resign. He said that will be a private decision after consulting his wife, his children, and an anonymous dude he met at the Howard Johnsons on I-84." --Bill Maher

"Politicians are not supposed to approach people for sex. They're supposed to approach them for money." --Bill Maher

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

It also explains his choice for vice president -- Hannah Montana (blowing the call)

"Well, in a stunning announcement, Pennyslvania Senator Bob Casey Jr., who had said he would remain neutral, because he's a Democrat, has endorsed Barack Obama. He said he endorsed because of his four young daughters told him they wanted Barack for president. It also explains his choice for vice president -- Hannah Montana." --Jay Leno

 "And yesterday down in Washington D.C., President Bush threw out the first pitch at the Nationals game. ... He stayed and then left in the 7th inning and I thought, 'Great, at least he has an exit strategy for that.'" --David Letterman

 "You folks been following the presidential race? You know Hillary now is behind in states, behind in delegates, behind in the popular vote and also in the polls, and today, she said to Obama, 'Are you ready to throw in the towel?'" --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

How about you just spank me, we'll call it even? (clients one through eight were Charlie Sheen)

"The New York Times reported that New York Governor Eliot Spitzer was a customer of a high-end prostitution ring, that the prostitutes knew him as Client #9. Client #9, yeah. Not surprisingly, clients one through eight were Charlie Sheen." --Conan O'Brien

"It's getting serious, though. Republicans in New York have given Governor Spitzer an ultimatum. That if he doesn't resign, they'll push for impeachment. Governor Spitzer responded by saying, 'How about you just spank me, we'll call it even?'" --Conan O'Brien

"It hasn't been a great week for Governor Eliot Spitzer. This is a guy who built a career crusading against corruption. He got caught on an FBI wiretap arranging for a $1,000-an-hour prostitute. Spitzer is named as 'Client #9.' Allegedly, Client #9 wired money to something called the Emperor's Club, which is an online service that provides high-end hookers to upscale gentlemen like my Uncle Frank. Client #9 deposited $4,300 into his account and then he had a two-hour interlude with a prostitute name 'Kristen.' Which I think means he has two thousand dollars of credit left over. That'll come in handy -- with all the stress, he's gonna need to blow off some steam." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JusticeDemocrats #Bernie2020

I'm sorry I enriched uranium (Strong Teen Using Democracy)

"Traditional conservatives want small government and the government is getting smaller because congressmen are leaving office in disgrace. And one of those congressmen is Mark Foley, who had some electronic conversations with young congressional studs. And as I've said before, stud is just a text message abbreviation for 'Strong Teen Using Democracy.' Now with Foley's resignation came a disturbing revelation: there are gay Republicans -- apparently a whole lot of them. This is absolutely not fabulous." --Stephen Colbert

"The Fox network has a brand new show on Sunday nights. It's called, 'When Presidents Attack.' Did you see that? Former President Clinton lashed out at reporter Chris Wallace the other night on Fox News. When questioned about Osama bin Laden, Clinton said he tried to kill bin Laden. I believe him, but we all know what bad aim Clinton has." --Jay Leno

"Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is trying to win over the American people. It's sort of a PR campaign. Earlier today, over at the U.N., he was signing baseballs that said, 'I'm sorry I enriched uranium'." --David Letterman

Hey, why not? Bush missed it the first time (Oprah has spoken)

"A congressman from Florida, 52-year-old Mark Foley, resigned today because of questionable e-mails he wrote to a former male page. The page was 16-years-old at the time. Out of force of habit, the Catholic Church offered to move him to another parish." --Jay Leno

"In an interview with Mike Wallace about his new book, legendary Washington Post reporter Bob Woodward said that Henry Kissinger is now advising President Bush on Iraq, and they're trying to fight the Vietnam War all over again. Hey, why not? Bush missed it the first time." --Jay Leno

"In a recent interview, Oprah Winfrey said she wants Senator Barack Obama to be the next president. When Oprah heard that Obama doesn't want to be president, she parted the clouds and said, 'Oprah has spoken'." --Conan O'Brien

He had a problem with 18-year-old scotch and 16-year-old boys

"The Foley saga quickly sent leaders of the North American Man-Boy Love Association, or Congress, into action. One lawmaker, the co-founder of the congressional Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus, was particularly outraged [on screen: Foley saying, 'They're sick people. They need mental health counseling. They certainly don't need to be interacting with children']. That was Mark Foley from 2002, reacting to himself three years later." --Jon Stewart

"Congressman Mark Foley, who resigned last week after sending sexually suggestive e-mails to teenagers, has checked into alcohol rehab. When asked about it, Foley said, 'I have a problem with 18-year-old scotch and 16-year-old boys.'." --Conan O'Brien

"Top White House aide Dan Bartlett is criticizing Woodward's book, saying Woodward formulated conclusions before he even started interviewing people. It would be like invading a country without having the facts." --Jay Leno

because they know that's the best way to reach congressmen

"Florida Congressman Mark Foley has resigned over allegations he sent explicit e-mails to underage boys. What is it with congressmen? If they're not grabbing your wallet, they're grabbing your ass." --Jay Leno

"How 'bout that Florida Congressman Mark Foley? At least the Democrats waited until the interns were over 18." --David Letterman

"This incident is changing the way big companies do business in Washington -- like tobacco companies are now hiring underage boys as lobbyists because they know that's the best way to reach congressmen." --Jay Leno

All he knows is if you pull it, you ice it (W. the film)

"Everyone knows that Congress people are assigned to committees based on their great weakness. Why would Senator Ted Stevens, a man more comfortable in the horse and buggy era, be in charge of regulating the Internet? Which he believes is a series of tubes -- a series of tubes though which other republican congressmen can reach through and fondle 16-year-olds." --John Oliver

"Mark Foley sent what appeared to be inappropriate e-mails and text messages to underage male congressional pages. Evidently, the Republican leadership knew about it anywhere from 11 months ago to 60 months ago. Now people are calling for House Speaker Denny Hastert to step down. That's totally unfair. He's a former high school wrestling coach. What would he know about the harassment of young boys? All he knows is if you pull it, you ice it." --Stephen Colbert

Apparently, instead of voting 'Aye,' Foley voted 'Oh God yes!'

"I don't know how long Mark Foley will be in rehab, but I'm pretty sure they don't want him home answering the door on Halloween." --Jay Leno

"Have you all been following this scandal in Washington with ex-Congressman Mark Foley? Well, a couple of days ago, he checked himself into rehab. It had gotten so bad he had to go out and develop a drinking problem. The ex-congressman, if nothing else, is contrite. He says when he gets out of rehab, he wants a fresh start and to turn over a new page." --David Letterman

"I have the latest on the Mark Foley sex scandal. Apparently, new evidence that just came out shows that former Congressman Mark Foley once engaged in Internet sex with a former page while a vote was being taken in the House. Apparently, instead of voting 'Aye,' Foley voted 'Oh God yes!'" --Conan O'Brien

He's addicted to little Jack and little Daniel. That's the problem.

"Let's see what is going on with Father Foley. I'm sorry, Congressman Foley. As I'm sure you know by now, after getting caught sending explicit e-mails to underage boys, Florida Congressman Mark Foley has resigned. So his seat is up for grabs, which is what got him into trouble in the first place." --Jay Leno

"This is like the worst thing to happen to congressional Republicans since last Thursday. Most people think GOP stands for Gay Old Pedophile." --Jay Leno

"Mark Foley has now checked into rehab for alcoholism. Oh, shut up. Like that's the big problem. Who cares if he's addicted to Jack Daniels? He's addicted to little Jack and little Daniel. That's the problem." --Jay Leno

(Drinking Game #47) Every time you hear George Tenet say 'imminent,' you take a shot

"It's simple. You drink, you forget things -- especially things that could endanger minors. And I know people are wondering why Condoleezza Rice can't remember a July 2001 meeting with George Tenet where he warned her an al Qaeda attack was likely, even though White House records prove the meeting happened. She probably just blacked out. She was playing a drinking game. Every time you hear George Tenet say 'imminent,' you take a shot." --Stephen Colbert

"We're covering a story about a certain congressman. Let's call him. Representative Mark Foley, Republican of Florida. He spent most of his career protecting children from Internet stalkers. Turns out he was doing it so he could have them all to himself." --Jon Stewart

"The number one movie this week is 'Open Season,' about young male pages working for Congress." --Jay Leno

drunk texting erotic messages to underage pages about masturbation (Run with it Fox News)

"As soon as the news broke, Mark Foley checked himself into an alcohol treatment facility. Alcohol is an amazing thing. It turns completely normal politicians into perverts, and completely normal actors into anti-Semites." --Jimmy Kimmel

"But in fairness to the Republicans, let me just throw this out -- who invented the Internet? That's right -- Al Gore, a Democrat. If it wasn't for him, none of this would have happened. Run with it Fox News." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Mark Foley's in rehab, which means it only happened because he was drinking. We've all done it folks -- drunk dialing. It's just that in Foley's case, it was drunk texting erotic messages to underage pages about masturbation." --Stephen Colbert

he wasn't too drunk to type in the right e-mail address (soft on terror)

"Mark Foley's attorney is now blaming the whole thing on alcohol. Apparently, he wasn't too drunk to type in the right e-mail address though." --Jay Leno

"Congressmen are now on their five-week break. Did you know they were off? No, you don't even know when they're working. Anyway, they have five weeks to campaign for their upcoming elections. You know, they're traveling around the country talking about the most dangerous threats to our country -- flag-burning and gay marriage." --Jay Leno

"You know what's really the most damaging? ABC is reporting that Mark Foley interrupted a vote on the House floor to have online phone sex with a 16-year-old student. Say what you want about Bill Clinton. He could sit at his desk, have sex and work at the same time. He was a multi-tasker." --Jay Leno

"Florida Congressman Mark Foley resigned over the weekend after ABC News uncovered sexually explicit e-mails and instant messages he sent to a 16-year-old congressional page. Apparently, he had text message phone sex with a boy during a vote on funding for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. No one can say he's soft on terror, I'll tell you that much." --Jimmy Kimmel

It's hard to type with one hand (9/11 changed everything)

"The big question now is what should be done with Mark Foley's seat in Congress. I say, spray it with Lysol, boil it, coat it with Bactine, and then maybe you can sit on it." --Jay Leno

"CNN is reporting that former Congressman Mark Foley's instant messages were not only sexually inappropriate, but were also full of typos. In his own defense, Foley said, 'It's hard to type with one hand.'" --Conan O'Brien

"The real battle now is how the GOP leadership handled the allegations. My guess is with some sort of latex glove." --Jon Stewart

"I'm sorry, this just in. I'm being told that Mark Foley masturbated into the slime tub at the 2004 Nickelodean Kids' Choice Awards. Apparently in his defense, as his lawyer noted today, 9/11 changed everything." --Jon Stewart

That's not just slow, that's FEMA slow.

"And House Speaker Dennis Hastert is under fire because he claims if he was told about Foley's sex scandal a few years ago,

he doesn't remember it. Really? How bad is the rest of the Republicans behavior if news of one having cybersex with teenage boys isn't that memorable?" --Jay Leno

"Earlier in the week, Mark Foley checked himself into rehab. But according to the New York Times, many people question his alcoholism claim. That's when you know things are bad in Washington: when a congressman can't even be trusted to be a drunk." --Jay Leno

"The only person who didn't know he was gay? Dennis Hastert. On Rush Limbaugh yesterday, Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert said, 'We took care of Mr. Foley. We found out about it and asked him to resign.' Yeah, a year later. That's not just slow, that's FEMA slow." --Jay Leno

the good old days when the only people that Republicans were screwing were the poor

"For the last two years of the Bill Clinton presidency, we told like 9 million Monica Lewinsky jokes. Now we're here tonight talking about Republican Congressman Mark Foley having cybersex with young boys. So, for the record, forget Fox News. We're the fair and balanced network." --Jay Leno

"Dennis Hastert also told reporters he will not be pressured to step down as House Speaker in the wake of the Foley scandal. Some say Hastert is afraid to step down, as there's a good chance he'll go right through the floor." --Amy Poehler

"Remember the good old days when the only people that Republicans were screwing were the poor." --Jay Leno

"What a month this has been for Republicans. George Allen's been on the front page and Mark Foley's been on every other page." --Jay Leno

the financially corrupt are now fighting with the sexually corrupt

"Yesterday, Denns Hastert defended himself by saying he had no idea what was going on. Hey, don't laugh. It worked for President Bush." --Jay Leno

"This Mark Foley e-mail thing caused quite a conflict within the two wings of the Republican Party. It seems the financially corrupt are now fighting with the sexually corrupt." --Jay Leno

"Iranian Supreme Leader Seyyed Ali Khamenei ruled this week that masturbation during Ramadan invalidates fasting. I think if that's true, you're doing it wrong." --Seth Meyers

"Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is in Iraq today. See, that's when you know things are bad in Washington -- when it's safer for Republicans to go to Baghdad." --Jay Leno

So save the date: February 8th, 3046. (nude photos of Dennis Hastert)

"It was reported this week that a $20 million provision has been placed in the military spending bill to pay for a party celebrating America's victory in Iraq and Afghanistan. So save the date: February 8th, 3046." --Amy Poehler

"Let's pretend this plug is 'Iraq' and you're trying to connect it to the 'war on terror,' which is this avocado. You can do it, but here's the problem: The avocado still doesn't turn on. And now your plug is covered in guacamole." -Jon Stewart, demonstrating the connection between Iraq and the war on terror

"I think this whole thing could have been nipped in the bud if somebody pulled Mark Foley aside at some point and showed him nude photos of Dennis Hastert." --Bill Maher

"Dennis Hastert now says that he did know about the (Mark Foley) e-mails, but was unaware, he says, that they were so sexually explicit. He said, 'My God, I didn't even read the Patriot Act.'." --Bill Maher

And knocked him off the page he was on, too. (one less bomb)

"The Republicans finally got some good news over the weekend. The North Koreans set off a nuclear bomb. Thank God. It was so powerful it knocked the Mark Foley story right off the front page. And knocked him off the page he was on, too." --Jay Leno

"It's interesting. President Bush’s approval rating is at an all-time low, North Korea's setting off bombs, Iraq is a mess, the Foley scandal keeps getting worse. Even the Democrats might not be able to blow this election." --Jay Leno

"A very scary situation in North Korea, but let's move on to the good news. As of last night, North Korea has one less bomb." --Jon Stewart

"There are more and more details coming out about this Foley page scandal. Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert has been meeting with everyone in Washington to figure a way out of this. Well, not meeting with everyone. I think it's fair to say he's never met with Jenny Craig." --Jay Leno