Cops found him hiding in a thermos (Chris Christie just bought four metric tons of napkins)

The last escapee from a New Orleans jailbreak has finally been caught in Atlanta. So, how did he remain on the run for 145 days? Cops found him hiding in a thermos. —Greg Gutfeld

Florida police claim they found a large thermos inside an arrested man's rectum. Police are on the lookout for an accomplice with an ass full of donuts. —Greg Gutfeld

KFC is once again offering its original honey barbecue flavor. In a related story, Chris Christie just bought four metric tons of napkins? —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Welcome to the club (cavity search)

Over the weekend, baseless rumors that President Trump had died circulated wildly on social media. "Welcome to the club," said Joe Biden through a Ouija board. —Greg Gutfeld

According to a new poll, alcohol consumption in the US has reached a record low. Finally, a problem that can actually be solved by Kamala Harris. —Greg Gutfeld

A brand new ICE detention facility called Louisiana Lockup just opened. And because it's near New Orleans, the guards will throw beads at you during the cavity search. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It had nothing to do with my weekend at the Mustang Ranch (armed, dangerous and covered in ****)

So it was announced that former President Joe Biden has advanced prostate cancer. I’m sure the announcement had nothing to do with the recently released Hur audio and the bombshell book about his cognitive decline, just like I think how Yoko Ono had nothing to do with The Beatles breaking up. Yeah, and that rash I got had nothing to do with my weekend at the Mustang Ranch. —Greg Gutfeld

Several inmates are still at large after escaping a New Orleans jail. The prisoners had escaped last week through a hole behind a toilet. Authorities warned the public that these inmates are armed, dangerous and covered in sh*t. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

There'd be no politicians left if you did that (You know hurricanes, they hate freedom)

 

"I think President Bush gets confused. He said progress is being made in New Orleans and he hopes one day New Orleans will be a democracy. You know hurricanes, they hate freedom." --Jay Leno

"A South Carolina panel has voted not to impeach Republican Governor Mark Sanford. A fellow Republican, one of the panel chairmen, a guy named Tim Harrison, said, 'We can not impeach for arrogance or hypocrisy.' Well, of course not. There'd be no politicians left if you did that." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

There was a hurricane in New Orleans? (they know there's nothing you won't allow them to do)

"In a speech in Canada, former President George W. Bush said he was proud that when he was in office he didn't sell his soul, which is true. He rented it to Dick Cheney, who then sublet it to Halliburton, but it's totally different." –Jay Leno

"President Obama went to New Orleans today to check up on the rebuilding efforts after Hurricane Katrina. When President Bush heard about it, he said, 'There was a hurricane in New Orleans?'"–Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

When a clown and a serial killer love each other very much (Sarah Palin is not looking to bad now, is she?)

"Much like the Republicans, the Democrats are also going to have a mystery speaker. I believe it's Mitt Romney's dog." –Jay Leno

"Mitt Romney said the 47 percent of people who don't pay taxes are going to vote for Obama. You know what that means? He's going to vote for Obama." –Jay Leno

"After watching Clint Eastwood last night, be honest, Sarah Palin is not looking to bad now, is she?" –Jay Leno

"Humanitarian aid in the U.S. has begun arriving in Lebanon. The U.S. Government sent 10,000 medical kits, 20,000 blankets, $30 million cash and today the people of New Orleans said: 'They did what?'" --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If it works there maybe we'll try it in New Orleans (Bad news for the turkey)

"In his speech President Bush said we need to rebuild Iraq, provide the people with jobs, and give them hope. If it works there maybe we'll try it in New Orleans." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is planning on spending Thanksgiving out at his ranch in Crawford. And you know how he always pardons the White House turkey? Bad news for the turkey: There are three cabinet members ahead of him." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How long is it going to take him to save Barbara Streisand? (his ex-wives now are starting to outnumber his supporters)

"According to a new report the San Andreas Fault right under Los Angeles is ready to explode and cause the biggest earthquake in history. Isn't that frightening? They said it could wipe Malibu off the map. You thought Bush was slow to respond to New Orleans, how long is it going to take him to save Barbara Streisand?" --Jay Leno

“Happy birthday to Mitt Romney, he’s 65 years old. At his party, he didn't blow out the candles. He gave a speech and the candles just flickered and died.” –Jay Leno

"More and more Republicans are calling on Newt Gingrich to drop out of the campaign. Well, I don't want to say things look bad for Newt, but his ex-wives now are starting to outnumber his supporters." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They were flushing bribe money down the toilet (he ordered the invasion of Louisiana)

 

"In the Gulf of Mexico, 270 miles southwest of New Orleans, drillers have discovered what they say could be the largest oil reserve ever. Once the oil is drilled, it could boost our oil reserves by 50%. They said it would supply us with nearly 50 billion barrels of oil. In fact, the oil companies said this could cut the price of gas by almost a penny. When President Bush heard about this, he ordered the invasion of Louisiana." --Jay Leno

"President Bush also said last night we do not yet have full control of the border. Full control? If we had any less control, there'd be an easy-pass lane." --Jay Leno

"In what has become standard procedure in these kinds of situations, police conducted a room-by-room search of the Capitol building. That's just what congressmen want to hear this week -- a knock at the door and it's the police. They were flushing bribe money down the toilet." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I just open my mouth, and the best words come out (You sure about that?)

Tonight President Trump gave his big speech to Congress. I saw that beforehand, Democrats came out with a “prebuttal” to counter some of Trump’s talking points. They say that they know what Trump’s going say before he says it — or as Trump put it, “Must be nice. I just open my mouth, and the best words come out.” –Jimmy Fallon

Lawmakers in New Hampshire are now backing a bill that would make it illegal for women to expose their breasts in public because they say it could hurt tourism. Then New Orleans said, “You sure about that?” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

There was a hurricane in New Orleans? (I reject your reality)

"And, of course, the Republicans still can't believe that Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. And the Democrats can't believe that Sarah Palin wrote a book. So, it's even." --Jay Leno

"President Obama went to New Orleans today to check up on the rebuilding efforts after Hurricane Katrina. When President Bush heard about it, he said, 'There was a hurricane in New Orleans?'"–Jay Leno

"Congratulations to Barack Obama -- he has won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Apparently, the Nobel committee wanted to recognize the president's fine work in bringing peace to a black professor and a white cop through the strategic use of beer. " --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Experts are calling him a temporary leader - and so is SEAL Team 6 (Oh, and he was also deflating footballs)

"Al-Qaida has a new leader. Experts are calling him a temporary leader - and so is SEAL Team 6. " --David Letterman

"A lot of Republicans attended President Obama's Super Bowl party. And I thought oh, yeah, they care about New Orleans, now!" –David Letterman

“Romney said the poor ought to get together and go to Best Buy to watch the Super Bowl on the wide screen.” –David Letterman

"I have nothing against the North Koreans but this Kim Jong Un has got a screw loose. A member of his cabinet, his security minister, nods off, falls asleep. We've all done it. Kim Jong Un takes the guy out and has him executed, just for just falling asleep. Oh, and he was also deflating footballs." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This must be the looting that everyone's talking about (those ankles are totally airbrushed)

Lawmakers in New Hampshire are now backing a bill that would make it illegal for women to expose their breasts in public because they say it could hurt tourism. Then New Orleans said, “You sure about that?” –Jimmy Fallon

"Al Qaeda has launched its own women's magazine. I bought a copy, and I tell you right now, those ankles are totally airbrushed." –Jimmy Fallon

Papa John’s is testing a new system that lets customers pay $3 to skip the line and get faster pizza delivery. And for $6, Peyton Manning will throw the pizza at you from a speeding car. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I feel like the record is longer than that said the people of New Orleans (Don’t get on that boat!)

March 2023

President Biden said that he supports a bill that would allow the government to ban TikTok. But only because Biden thinks TikTok is a gang member from his old neighborhood. —Michael Che

It was reported that the organizers of King Charles’ coronation have officially invited Meghan Markle, and this is nice, at a starting salary of $19 an hour. —Michael Che

A deep sea diver has announced plans to set a new world record by living underwater for 100 days. I feel like the record is longer than that said the people of New Orleans. —Michael Che

A photo has gone viral of a 98 year old woman in Kentucky meeting her first great great great grandchild. Wow, I wish I had gotten to meet my great great great grandmother so I could have told her, ‘Don’t get on that boat!’ —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

There was a hurricane in New Orleans? (What is Dick Cheney doing in Toledo, Ohio?)

"President Obama went to New Orleans today to check up on the rebuilding efforts after Hurricane Katrina. When President Bush heard about it, he said, 'There was a hurricane in New Orleans?'"–Jay Leno

"Well, here's a very bizarre story. People act strangely this time of year. In Toledo, Ohio, a man attacked a Salvation Army bell ringer, grabbed his red kettle, threw it in the back of his truck, yelled, 'I hate Christmas,' and drove off. Here's my question. What is Dick Cheney doing in Toledo, Ohio?" –Jay Leno

"And, of course, the Republicans still can't believe that Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. And the Democrats can't believe that Sarah Palin wrote a book. So, it's even." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It wasn't his first choice for a backdrop, but the water wasn't quite deep enough for the aircraft carrier (Can we start with you?)

"He's like the Peanuts character Pigpen. Wherever he goes, he stirs up such a humongous mess, it can only be cleaned up by Halliburton." –Bill Maher, on George W. Bush

"Did you see the speech? President Bush spoke from Jackson Square in New Orleans. It wasn't his first choice for a backdrop, but the water wasn't quite deep enough for the aircraft carrier." --Bill Maher

"The president said much of the aid is going towards job training. And when they heard that, the people of New Orleans rose as one and said, 'Can we start with you?'" --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

His approval rating has dropped so low the only thing he's above now is the law! (Isn't that a condom ad?)

Things not looking good for President Bush. His approval rating has dropped so low the only thing he's above now is the law! –Jay Leno

President Bush was in Los Angeles yesterday where he announced his new campaign theme -- "Safer, Stronger, and Tested." Isn't that a condom ad? –Jay Leno

"In his speech President Bush said we need to rebuild Iraq, provide the people with jobs, and give them hope. If it works there maybe we'll try it in New Orleans." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Viewers at home saw him sitting there, doing nothing, and they thought maybe it was another terrorist attack (The co-pay is $47)

 

"President Bush didn't make the convention because the hurricane, Gustav, hit New Orleans, but actually didn't. Bush was at the Hurricane Command Center, taking credit for a perfect emergency response to a perfect non-emergency. Although he actually did cause some panic, because viewers at home saw him sitting there, doing nothing, and they thought maybe it was another terrorist attack." -Bill Maher

"Those two guys were up before the congressional Committee this week, which issued the report on Katrina, which lambasted the White House for wasting billions of dollars that was stolen, lost, we don't know where it is. Bush said history will call that a small price to pay if we wind up bringing democracy to Louisiana and it spreads to Mississippi and Florida." --Bill Maher

"This is the first convention I could remember, where they didn't say the name of the man who should be the titular head of the party. He is the president of the United States, George Bush. Except for the protestors outside, you never heard that name, or any reference to George Bush, except for the part about loving children with special needs." -Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Now, he leaves out the part that he was fishing in downtown New Orleans (she called for a full scale invasion of Cognito)

"The federal government, you know them, they announced a plan to spend, like, a trillion of taxpayer dollars to buy out bad mortgages and debt. Wall Street was surprisingly enthusiastic about the plan to save their asses with other peoples' money. It was either that, or Sarah Palin's idea to sell it all on eBay." --Bill Maher

"A German publication did an interview with the president and asked Mr. Bush what was his best moment of his presidency, and he said it was the day that he caught a 7.5 pound perch. I couldn't make that up. Now, he leaves out the part that he was fishing in downtown New Orleans." Bill Maher

"That Edward Snowden dude got out of Hong Kong, flew to Russia, has been in the Russian airport the whole week, but still no one can find him. When Sarah Palin today heard that he may be incognito, she called for a full scale invasion of Cognito." –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

getting his morphine drip topped off (Poe Dancing)

March 2022

“Can you imagine – can you imagine! – what things would be like with Donald Trump at the helm right now? I mean, put aside everything else – have you heard him talk lately? He sounds like he’s muttering to himself while sitting under his favorite tree at the old folks home after getting his morphine drip topped off.” —Seth Meyers

“Trump as president during the Russian invasion of Ukraine would be scary for many reasons, one of which is Trump keeps giving us a glimpse as to how he would have responded. And as usual it has that unique Trump blend of being both terrifying and incredibly stupid at the same time. In a speech over the weekend to Republican donors in New Orleans, Trump said the US should put the Chinese flag on F-22 jets and ‘bomb the shit out of Russia’ in retribution for its invasion of Ukraine. He definitely gets his ideas from cartoons. I mean, this is a slightly stupider version of Bugs Bunny dressing up as a sexy lady to distract Elmer Fudd. [As Trump], ‘We put the Chinese flag on the planes and if that doesn’t work, we paint a tunnel on the side of a mountain.’” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”