Being a crappy neighbor, lesson 1 (they had to turn him away when his H.M.O. wouldn't cover the visit)

"And from the animal kingdom, it seems a loggerhead sea turtle nearly swam to the doorstep of a Florida Keys turtle hospital. This is the only licensed veterinary facility in the world that solely treats sea turtles. This turtle somehow knew to swim right up to the hospital. Isn't that amazing? Sad part, they had to turn him away when his H.M.O. wouldn't cover the visit." --Jay Leno

"We finally have a debt deal. See what happens when the two parties put aside their principles and do what is best for them personally?" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Being a crappy neighbor, lesson 1 (What language did his brother speak?)

"Mitt Romney of course lost the election. Think about it this way. One day you're the Republican candidate running for president of the United States, and the next day you're sitting in Applebee's blowing on your soup."  –David Letterman

"Guess who's running for president? Jeb Bush. Jeb was governor of Florida and he speaks fluent Spanish, which raises the question: What language did his brother speak? What was that? " –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Peacocks - Stan Getz with Bill Evans Trio (Antwerp, Belgium, Aug.16, 1974)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

So, as of an hour ago, the front-runner is Kate Upton (I love Chowdah)

Hillary Clinton's campaign is accusing Barack Obama of plagiarizing a speech by the Governor of Massachusetts. They may have a point because Barack's speech was entitled, 'I love Chowdah.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Earlier this week, President Bush met with the Belgian prime minister. Things got a little tense when the prime minister called for the U.S. to leave Guantanamo Bay. President Bush was so angry, he told the Belgian prime minister to shut his waffle hole." --Conan O'Brien

Yesterday, in a speech, President Obama said that when voting, young men should look deep inside themselves. So, as of an hour ago, the front-runner is Kate Upton. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But don't worry. They'll still be free at the airport (Being a crappy neighbor: Lesson 1)

Last night, "The Young Pope" premiered on HBO. You can tell this pope is young because when people say, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." He just goes, "Kay." –Jimmy Fallon

"Republicans and Democrats are working on a new bill to streamline the healthcare system. It will reduce the cost of mammograms and prostate exams. But don't worry. They'll still be free at the airport." –Jimmy Fallon

I read that Donald Trump raised a record $90 million in private donations to pay for his inauguration. Trump said, "Just another $10 million and we can cover my appearance fee." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

New Yorkers are gonna be so excited to finally try marijuana (I get excited about scoreless ties)

November 2022

“This season on top of the regular seasonal cold, I am suffering from World Cup fever, symptoms include I’m a little ache-y and I get excited about scoreless ties.” —Stephen Colbert

“The host nation to the World Cup is Qatar, a desert country with an oppressive regime and a terrible human rights record where homosexuality is illegal, in other words it’s like if Ron Desantis had oil.” —Stephen Colbert

“To protest this, seven countries saw their captains trying to wear rainbow armbands that said one love. In response, Fifa said it would give a yellow card to anyone doing this as well as ordering Belgium to remove the word love from their shirts. They’re banning love and rainbows. Basically Fifa is the bad guy in a Care Bears movie.” —Stephen Colbert

“This week also saw the Iranian team stay silent during the national anthem to protest the country’s violent and misogynist regime. It was incredibly brave or they forgot the words.” —Stephen Colbert

“The first licences for recreational marijuana have also finally been produced in New York. New Yorkers are gonna be so excited to finally try marijuana.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's not fair, I'm also the worst president in math, English and geography (CBS said they got the idea from the Third Reich)

 

"Speaking of Sarah Palin, she said she's a life-long member of the National Rifle Association. Which may explain why she's in favor of shotgun weddings." --Conan O'Brien

"The new issue of Rolling Stone magazine features a cover story about President Bush called 'The Worst President in History.' President Bush said 'That's not fair, I'm also the worst president in math, English and geography.'" --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush met with the Prime Minister of Belgium and things got tense when the Prime Minister demanded the U.S. close the prison at Guantanamo Bay. President Bush quickly replied, 'The prison is closed. That's how we keep them in there.'" --Conan O'Brien

 

"CBS announced that this season of 'Survivor,' the teams will be divided by race. CBS said they got the idea from the Third Reich." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

and he won’t come home until he finds a new host for The Bachelor (convince Sully Sullenberger to do one last job)

June 2021

“President Biden embarked on his first presidential trip abroad on Tuesday with hopes of strengthening bonds with European leaders that had been damaged, in part, by Donald Trump. Yep, Biden’s going to England, Belgium and Switzerland, and he won’t come home until he finds a new host for ‘The Bachelor.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“That’s right, Biden is hoping to repair ties with our European allies. I think he’ll be well received. I mean, for starters, there won’t be a giant baby balloon following him wherever he goes.” —Jimmy Fallon

“The news coverage of Biden’s trip got off to a bumpy start. The White House press plane was delayed almost seven hours because a swarm of cicadas flew into the engine of the plane. If this was a movie, the government would have to go to a cabin in the woods to convince Sully Sullenberger to do one last job.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“United was like, ‘Ooh, that’s good; can we use that?’”  —Jimmy Fallon

“Meanwhile, Mike Pence was like, ‘Bugs on your head — you’re supposed to save that for the big debate.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Cramps People Ain't No Good Live Rennes (1986)

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I mean, it's basically the Trump business plan (totally controlled by Russia)

So our president, the orange guy, Trump, is in Belgium right now at the NATO summit fighting over how many ways they will split the check. --Jimmy Kimmel

Things got off to a rocky start. They had a breakfast meeting today with the NATO secretary-general where Trump complained that he wants other countries to spend more for defense. Donald Trump attacking others for not paying their fair share is [gutsy]. I mean, it's basically the Trump business plan. --Jimmy Kimmel

He had especially harsh words for Germany. He repeatedly said Germany is totally controlled by Russia — which is also a good one, coming from him. He attacks Germany for making a deal with Russia, on his way to make a deal with Russia. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the worst elevator ride ever (a series of graham cracker levees)

"President Bush met with the Prime Minister of Belgium and things got tense when the Prime Minister demanded the U.S. close the prison at Guantanamo Bay. President Bush quickly replied, 'The prison is closed. That's how we keep them in there.'" --Conan O'Brien

"New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin caused a controversy when he said when New Orleans is rebuilt, it will be a chocolate city. Yeah, he went on to say that it will be protected by a series of graham cracker levees." --Conan O'Brien

"Former Vice President Al Gore gave a passionate 10 minute speech where he criticized President Bush for, quote, repeatedly breaking the law. Those who heard the speech called it the worst elevator ride ever." --Conan O'Brien

You can tell bin Laden is hungry for power because now he thinks he's Oprah

"The Bush administration is asking Google to turn over all its records in a porn investigation. They want to know who has been using Google to look up pornography. You know what that means? We're all going to jail." --Jay Leno

"Earlier this week, President Bush met with the Belgian prime minister. Things got a little tense when the prime minister called for the U.S. to leave Guantanamo Bay. President Bush was so angry, he told the Belgian prime minister to shut his waffle hole." --Conan O'Brien

"In his latest audio tape message, Osama bin Laden recommends a book all Americans should read. You can tell bin Laden is hungry for power because now he thinks he's Oprah." --Conan O'Brien