So save the date: February 8th, 3046. (nude photos of Dennis Hastert)

"It was reported this week that a $20 million provision has been placed in the military spending bill to pay for a party celebrating America's victory in Iraq and Afghanistan. So save the date: February 8th, 3046." --Amy Poehler

"Let's pretend this plug is 'Iraq' and you're trying to connect it to the 'war on terror,' which is this avocado. You can do it, but here's the problem: The avocado still doesn't turn on. And now your plug is covered in guacamole." -Jon Stewart, demonstrating the connection between Iraq and the war on terror

"I think this whole thing could have been nipped in the bud if somebody pulled Mark Foley aside at some point and showed him nude photos of Dennis Hastert." --Bill Maher

"Dennis Hastert now says that he did know about the (Mark Foley) e-mails, but was unaware, he says, that they were so sexually explicit. He said, 'My God, I didn't even read the Patriot Act.'." --Bill Maher