it’s going to be awkward the next time they do a movie together (buy high AND sell high)

"Chris Christie is being accused of getting back at a political rival by blocking access to the George Washington Bridge. Christie said, 'I never blocked access to the GWB, I blocked access to a KFC.'" –Conan O'Brien

In Oakland, California, for the first time, a marijuana company will be publicly traded. It’s the first ever stock that you can buy high AND sell high. –Conan O’Brien

On Twitter, porn actress Jenna Jameson bashed Meryl Streep for her Golden Globe speech. Wow, it’s going to be awkward the next time Jameson and Streep do a movie together. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

thus making it the last time Congress accomplished anything (Rich Man's War!!!)

"In 1941, Congress ruled that the fourth Thursday in November would officially be observed as Thanksgiving Day – thus making it the last time Congress accomplished anything." –Jay Leno

"And the Golden Globe nominations came out yesterday. President Obama picked up a nomination for best Democrat acting like a Republican. So, congratulations." –Jay Leno (2009)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Golden Globe nominations were announced (23,000 years)

Donald Trump said Friday that he would try to permanently end Daylight Savings Time by challenging the sun to a staring contest. —Colin Jost

                         

The Golden Globe nominations were announced, with the most going to Amelia Perez, which is a musical about a Mexican cartel leader who transitions into a woman. The movie was written when I asked ChatGPT to make my grandpa's head explode. —Colin Jost 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow, it’s going to be awkward the next time they do a movie together (it’s not illegal for women to vote)

On Twitter, porn actress Jenna Jameson bashed Meryl Streep for her Golden Globe speech. Wow, it’s going to be awkward the next time Jameson and Streep do a movie together. –Conan O’Brien

Yesterday, Donald Trump tweeted that millions of people voted illegally on Election Day. Then someone told Trump it’s not illegal for women to vote. –Conan O’Brien

Breakfast Club star Anthony Michael Hall is facing seven years in prison for fighting his neighbor. However, his lawyer is trying to plea bargain that down to just serving detention with Molly Ringwald, Emilio Estevez, and Judd Nelson. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

President Obama picked up a nomination for best Democrat acting like a Republican. So, congratulations. (A brief history of corporate whining)

"And the Golden Globe nominations came out yesterday. President Obama picked up a nomination for best Democrat acting like a Republican. So, congratulations." –Jay Leno

"They found 22 million missing White House emails. You hear President Bush's excuse? He said he never bothered to ever send any of them because he couldn't find a stamp." –Jay Leno

"As you may know, Geraldine Ferraro quit the Clinton campaign after all the controversy over her remark suggesting that Barack Obama wouldn't be where he is today if he weren't black. Yeah. Now, here's the question -- do you think people are more popular because they're black? Think about this. I mean, look at Michael Jackson. Remember how popular he was when he was black? He was the biggest star in the world. The day he turned white, nothing!" –Jay Leno

 https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow, it’s going to be awkward the next time Jameson and Streep do a movie together (everything we already know)

On Twitter, porn actress Jenna Jameson bashed Meryl Streep for her Golden Globe speech. Wow, it’s going to be awkward the next time Jameson and Streep do a movie together. –Conan O’Brien

A man has finally been arrested for changing the famous Hollywood sign to read “Hollyweed.” In other words, we’re punishing the first stoner in the world to actually show some initiative. –Conan O’Brien

CNN is reporting that the Russians have disgusting and damaging information about Donald Trump. Apparently, the Russian report on Trump contains “everything we already know.” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

President Obama picked up a nomination for best Democrat acting like a Republican (So, congratulations)

"And the Golden Globe nominations came out yesterday. President Obama picked up a nomination for best Democrat acting like a Republican. So, congratulations." –Jay Leno

"A Website called HeroBuilders.com is now selling a Dick Cheney action figure. The nice thing is the Cheney action figure fits right into your back pocket, so you can walk around and pretend you're an oil company executive." --Jay Leno

"You know, I'll tell you, once again, I don't think President Bush gets it. He doesn't really understand these economic issues. Like today, he was asked if customers should be concerned by all these bank closings. And Bush said, 'If the bank is closed, you just use the ATM.'" --Jay Leno

"They found 22 million missing White House emails. You hear President Bush's excuse? He said he never bothered to ever send any of them because he couldn't find a stamp." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only thing they don't know how to handle is non-violence and humor (I always buy store-brand ketchup)

 

"Did you watch the Golden Globes? They were so long that Dick Cheney taped it and is using it to torture detainees." --David Letterman

"The new Osama bin Laden tape was originally broadcast on Al Jazeera and all the Al Jazeera viewers were really upset because it interrupted their new hit show, 'How I met your Camel.'" --David Letterman

"Mitt Romney is worth $250 million. I saw him interviewed and they said, 'Mitt, how did you get so much money?" He said, "You know what? I always buy store-brand ketchup.'" –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean she's basically saying she wants to be president because she can't do anything else (I think this is God's way of punishing Pat Robertson)

 

"The Golden Globes were last night. It was the biggest gathering of Hollywood celebrities that wasn’t an anti-Bush rally. The big winners were "Brokeback Mountain," "Capote" and "Transamerica." All movies with gay themes. I think this is God's way of punishing Pat Robertson." --Jay Leno

"Iran said they will inflict harm and pain on the United States if we try to stop their nuclear program. Who's writing their speeches now -- Mr. T?" --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympic athlete. But she was not athletic enough. She said she wanted to be an astronaut, but at the time they didn't take women. She said she wanted to go into medicine, but hospitals made her woozy. Should she be telling people this story? I mean she's basically saying she wants to be president because she can't do anything else." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

President Obama picked up a nomination for best Democrat acting like a Republican (Epic Fetch!)

"More problems for Goldman Sachs. Did you know the tax rate it paid on its profits last year was 0.6 percent? And of course, the CEO of Goldman Sachs was furious when he heard this. He said: 'What? When did we start paying taxes? This is ridiculous.'" –Jay Leno

"Sen. John McCain told Sean Hannity that choosing Sarah Palin was still the best decision he ever made. Well, today the Arizona DMV took away his driver's license." –Jay Leno

"This week in his inaugural address, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie spoke of wanting to bring the people of New Jersey together. He wanted to bring them together by having them all try to merge into one lane." –Jay Leno

"Toyota is recalling 2.3 million cars because of two problems — unintended acceleration and possible brake problems. Things are not looking good for Toyota. In fact, today, two crash test dummies refused to get in the car." –Jay Leno

"The wife of Gov. Mark Sanford — you know the guy who snuck off to Argentina to see his mistress? You know this moron, this idiot? Well, now the wife says in the book, when they got married, Mark Sanford insisted on taking the part about being faithful out of the wedding vows. Now, I'm no marriage counselor, but ladies, isn't that a red flag?" –Jay Leno

"And the Golden Globe nominations came out yesterday. President Obama picked up a nomination for best Democrat acting like a Republican. So, congratulations." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Joe Lieberman Insurance Company Preservation Act (Not funny, Moses!!)

"Hey, this is interesting. After somebody threw a tomato at Sarah Palin

during a book signing at the Mall of America, she went to another signing

at a Costco in Utah, where they took all the tomatoes off the shelves. So

instead she got hit by a three pound bag of frozen spinach ravioli."

–Jimmy Kimmel

"Sarah Palin was photographed in Hawaii this week wearing a 'McCain for President' visor, but she had blacked out the letters of her former running mate's name. She was going to black out all of it, but halfway through, she quit." -Seth Meyers

"And the Golden Globe nominations came out yesterday. President Obama picked up a nomination for best Democrat acting like a Republican. So, congratulations." –Jay Leno

"In Washington, it looks like the Senate is almost done with the healthcare bill. Otherwise known as the Joe Lieberman Insurance Company Preservation Act." –Jay Leno

"Governor Schwarzenegger is in a bit of a feud with former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin right now. They're fighting about global warming. Palin says it isn't proven. Schwarzenegger said she's 'living in the Stone Age.' And Palin really should know not to mess with Arnold Schwarzenegger. This guy has been systematically terminating women named Sarah for many years now." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry  

 

I thought Congress got canceled after last season. Their ratings were terrible. (We bought these instead of these)

In other White House news, according to a recent article, President Trump's

son-in-law, Jared Kushner, has been asked to turn his focus to prison reform.

And based on the way the Russia investigation is going, I assume he wants

to make prisons way harder to get into.  --James Corden

U.S. immigration agents targeted hundreds of 7-Eleven stores today to

investigate the legal status of store employees. Hey, if you're going to

investigate something at 7-Eleven, how about the hot dogs? How long

have THEY been in the country? --Seth Meyers

A Democratic congressman is introducing a bill that would force

presidential candidates to take a mental health exam. It is called

the "Too Little, Too Late Act."  --Jimmy Fallon

A man has finally been arrested for changing the famous Hollywood

sign to read “Hollyweed.” In other words, we’re punishing the first

stoner in the world to actually show some initiative. –Conan O’Brien

On Twitter, porn actress Jenna Jameson bashed Meryl Streep for her

Golden Globe speech. Wow, it’s going to be awkward the next time

Jameson and Streep do a movie together. –Conan O’Brien

"We have a new Congress starting today. The 114th Congress

convened today in our nation's capital. I thought Congress got

canceled after last season. Their ratings were terrible."

–Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This guy has been systematically terminating women named Sarah for many years now (best Democrat acting like a Republican)

"And the Golden Globe nominations came out yesterday. President Obama

picked up a nomination for best Democrat acting like a Republican. So,

congratulations." –Jay Leno

"In Washington, it looks like the Senate is almost done with the

healthcare bill. Otherwise known as the Joe Lieberman Insurance

Company Preservation Act." –Jay Leno

"Governor Schwarzenegger is in a bit of a feud with former Alaska

Governor Sarah Palin right now. They're fighting about global warming.

Palin says it isn't proven. Schwarzenegger said she's 'living in the Stone

Age.' And Palin really should know not to mess with Arnold

Schwarzenegger. This guy has been systematically terminating women

named Sarah for many years now." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry  

 

It's like a septic tank saying, 'You need a mint.' (ya'll thought this s*** was gonna be sweet)

January 2013

"The NRA made an ad saying that Obama is elitist because his kids have armed guards. Yeah, that crazy Obama thinking his kids need special protection. I love the NRA accusing anyone of being paranoid. It's like a septic tank saying, 'You need a mint.'" –Bill Maher

"The best advertisement for torture is not Dick Cheney and people like that who support it, it is Hollywood. At the Golden Globes, it's movies. Ben Affleck won for playing a CIA officer, Claire Danes won for playing a CIA officer, Jessica Chastain won for playing a CIA officer and of course, Julianne Moore won for playing Sarah Palin, a master of counter intelligence." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

All right, fine, I am a Muslim (I'm going to need a raise)

January 2013

"President Obama's half-brother is running for political office in Kenya. Donald Trump has already accused him of being born in the United States." –Conan O’Brien

"President Obama is coming under criticism that his new administration has less diversity than his first one. Which is why this morning Obama said, 'All right, fine, I am a Muslim." –Conan O'Brien

"The Golden Globes last night had a lot of great moments. During Jodie Foster's emotional speech she said she was gay, 50, and friends with Mel Gibson. Afterwards, her publicist told Jodie, 'I'm going to need a raise.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

the greatest challenge for an actor in Hollywood is pretending to be a Republican (But don't worry. They'll still be free at the airport)

January 2013

"Daniel Day-Lewis won a Golden Globe for playing Abraham Lincoln and Julianne Moore won for playing Sarah Palin. The foreign press realized that the greatest challenge for an actor in Hollywood is pretending to be a Republican." –Jay Leno

"The mayor of Los Angeles, Antonio Villaraigosa, was seen partying in Mexico with Charlie Sheen. When will Charlie learn that people judge you by the company you keep?" –Jay Leno

"Republicans and Democrats are working on a new bill to streamline the healthcare system. It will reduce the cost of mammograms and prostate exams. But don't worry. They'll still be free at the airport." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

She asked that exact same question when she interviewed William Howard Taft (1% Republican)

December 2012

"The Golden Globe nominations were announced yesterday morning, and 'Lincoln' got seven nominations. Finally, a Republican who might win something." –Jay Leno

"On Wednesday night, Barbara Walters asked Governor Chris Christie if he was too fat to be president. A lot of people are criticizing Barbara for asking that question. But in fairness, Barbara asked that exact same question when she interviewed William Howard Taft." –Jay Leno

"Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said a failure to reach a deal for the fiscal cliff will hurt the recovery. The good news is most Americans will not be affected by this because they had no idea there WAS a recovery." –Jay Leno

"The U.S. Census Bureau says that by the year 2043, white people will be in the minority in the United States. By that time, the country will be 15 percent black, 31 percent Hispanic, and 1 percent Republican." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In fact the coronavirus is so deadly to black Americans, it’s being suspended with pay (Sorry, that was our other engine)

February 2021

Just like me when I’m drunk. Congress decided to spend a bunch of money at 2:30 in the morning when they passed a 1.9 Trillion dollar stimulus bill. Senator Lindsey Graham said he’s very pleased that the bill will not include an increase in the minimum wage. Because over the years Graham has actually grown to love the taste of fast food worker spit. —Colin Jost

Tomorrow night Donald Trump will give the key note address at the Conservative Political Action Conference. For a preview of Trump’s speech give your grandpa cocaine. —Colin Jost

During the Golden Globes this Sunday a new commercial will air that will be the first to ever show lactating breasts on television. Unfortunately, those breasts belong to the Green M&M. —Colin Jost

The FDA has authorized a vaccine from New Jersey based company Johnson & Johnson. Johnson & Johnson will now pair the vaccine with needles from New Jersey’s number one syringe supplier. The beach. —Michael Che

An American Airlines pilot reported that during a flight over New Mexico he saw a long cylinder object come close to his plane. Sorry that was just our engine, said United. —Michael Che

A sailor who fell overboard survived for fourteen hours in the Pacific Ocean by floating on a large piece of garbage. Sorry, that was our other engine, said United. —Michael Che

A new study shows that the coronavirus lower the average life expectancy for black Americans by three years. In fact the coronavirus is so deadly to black Americans, it’s being suspended with pay. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”