I've always loved the beach, but I hate the ocean, so this is perfect! (I went out and spent $150,000 on clothes)

"I am Stephen Colbert, and I am reporting for duty. Folks, right off the top, I want to thank the USO for bringing me and my show to our brave men and women in uniform in Baghdad, Iraq. Thank you so much. I have to say, this place is great. I've always loved the beach, but I hate the ocean, so this is perfect!" --Stephen Colbert

"But, I won't kid you. I was feeling a little depressed when I heard that Governor Palin was mad at me and called me 'pathetic.' To cheer myself up, I went out and spent $150,000 on clothes, and I feel better now." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”