Meet my new campaign volunteers (or as they called it, maize)

November 2020

“President Trump pardoned his former national security adviser Michael Flynn on Wednesday, announcing the decision on Twitter. Seriously, there’s a name from the past. Even Michael Flynn was like, ‘Damn, I totally forgot about Michael Flynn.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“The country he was being paid to represent secretly while he was supposed to be working for America. Still, it’s in keeping with tradition with the first Thanksgiving, when the pilgrims and Native Americans came together in harmony to establish a secret back channel with the Russian ambassador and then lie about it to the F.B.I. — or as they called it, maize.” —Stephen Colbert

“Well, that’s going to be a nice change of pace for the briefers to give a list of national security threats to a president who’s not on it.” — Stephen Colbert, on Joe Biden’s receiving President Trump’s daily intelligence briefs

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

stuff that secretly records people having sex (the Russia thing is over)

“Well, you guys, today is Cyber Monday. All across the country, people spent the day ordering a bunch of crap online in their underwear — then remembered it was Cyber Monday.” --Jimmy Fallon

“Amazon had all kinds of great deals on speakers, cameras, smart TVs, voice assistants and a bunch of other stuff that secretly records people having sex.” --Jimmy Fallon

“In a poll conducted by The Economist and YouGov, a majority of Republicans said they considered President Trump a better leader than Abraham Lincoln. Trump isn’t even a better president than Daniel Day-Lewis pretending to be Abraham Lincoln.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“Chris Christie was dining with Donald Trump on Valentine’s Day 2017, and Trump told him: ‘Now that we fired Michael Flynn, the Russia thing is over.’ And I don’t know which is more embarrassing: the fact that Trump thought he was in the clear in 2017, or that Donald Trump and Chris Christie spent Valentine’s Day together.” --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The Price of Apathy Towards Public Affairs (Vladimir Putin's smile)

Breaking story from the New York Times. The FBI was investigating whether Trump was working for the Russians. I mean, what tipped them off? Was it Trump's secret meeting with the Russians in the Oval Office, his son's secret meeting with Russians in Trump Tower, his lawyer's secret deal to build a Trump Tower in Moscow, Jeff Session's secret meeting with the Russian ambassador, Jared Kushner's secret back channel with the Kremlin, Michael Flynn's secret back channel with the Kremlin, Erik Prince's secret back channel with the Kremlin, Paul Manafort sharing secret polling data with the Russians, his foreign policy advisor's secret meeting with the Russians, the Russian hackers who helped Trump win, Trump asking the Russian hackers to help him win, or Vladimir Putin's smile every time he sees Trump? --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Do Not Steal Cough Medicine and Burn Down This Building (Hindsight is 2020)

Even though Michael Flynn pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI, last week Flynn’s lawyer submitted a sentencing memo explaining it wasn’t his fault, because agents hadn’t warned Flynn it was a crime to lie to the FBI. Of course, good point. How was he supposed to know? They got to tell him. Just like how hospitals all have to post signs that say “Do Not Steal Cough Medicine and Burn Down This Building.” --Stephen Colbert

So today, Flynn’s lawyers seemed ready to argue that their client, “had been tricked into lying.” Yes, the FBI has a clever way to trick anyone who works for Trump into lying. They ask them a question. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Did I Say 'We'? I Meant You (he didn't know lying to the FBI is a crime)

As we all know one in three judges in this country is currently working on a case related to Donald Trump, but now some of these cases are finally wrapping up. Today Michael Cohen, Trump's former lawyer was sentenced to three years in prison and Michael Flynn, Trump's former national security adviser made an interesting argument for why he shouldn't go to prison. 

Flynn’s defense team suggested that the FBI may have duped Flynn into lying when two agents failed to remind Flynn that misleading or lying to investigators is in fact a crime. That’s right, Michael Flynn says he didn't know lying to the FBI is a crime. 

And you know what I think, going forward everyone working for Trump should just be read their Miranda rights on their first day. “Okay here's your desk, there is coffee in the kitchen, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law and Fridays are jeans day. Have a good time.” --Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Frosty Deals With the Harsh Reality of Climate Change (Deport everyone named Michael)

A new poll found that America's favorite Christmas movie is "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." Yeah, while America's least favorite is still "Frosty Deals With the Harsh Reality of Climate Change." --Jimmy Fallon

Last night Robert Mueller made a big announcement about Trump's former national security adviser, Michael Flynn. Special Counsel Robert Mueller recommended former Trump national security adviser Michael Flynn get no jail time after giving what Mueller called substantial assistance in the Russia probe. Now, I'm not saying Flynn flipped on Trump, but today he and Mueller bought matching Christmas pajamas. --Jimmy Fallon

Last week, we heard about Michael Cohen flipping on Trump. Now it's Michael Flynn. Today Trump was like, "That's it. Deport everyone named Michael.” --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What? It seems like the safest place to be... (free ticket to Afghanistan?)

"What an honor it is for you to have me here, and what a thrill it is to bring my show to the men and women in the U.S. military in Iraq. That's right, ladies and gentlemen. Iraq. The country so nice, we invaded it twice." --Stephen Colbert

"You know, it's my first trip to Iraq. I don't know why I haven't made it here before, but it's hard to explain to the people back home just how hot it is here. Let me put it this way: When Saddam Hussein got to hell, I'm guessing he asked for a blanket." --Stephen Colbert 

"But you know, it must be nice here in Iraq, because I understand some of you keep coming back again, and again, and again. The good news is, you've earned enough frequent flier miles for a free ticket to Afghanistan." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Baby, I couldn’t have been texting with my ex last night (I was too busy sleeping with your mom)

  

On Saturday, Trump tweeted, “I had to fire General Flynn because he lied to the vice president and the FBI.” OK, here’s the thing — Trump’s not supposed to have known Flynn lied to the FBI. Because, the day after he fired Flynn, FBI Director James Comey says Trump told him to go easy on Flynn. That would be an admission to obstruction of justice. It’s like when you’re trying to get out of one lie and you accidentally tell a much worse lie. “Baby, I couldn’t have been texting with my ex last night, I was too busy sleeping with your mom.” –Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Well, actually, more like an angry shaved eagle (it turns out that’s against the law)

On Friday, former national security adviser Michael Flynn pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI, and it turns out that’s against the law. [imitates Trump] “Did you know that? Lot of people don’t know that. Most of them work for me.” –Stephen Colbert

But Flynn’s not the only one in Mueller’s crosshairs — because, in court, Flynn said that he’s agreed to cooperate with the special counsel’s office. Woo-hoo! He’s singing like a canary! Well, actually, more like an angry shaved eagle. –Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

We realize doing this in the dead of night makes us look sneaky, corrupt and dishonest (Hashtag JK LOL)

Trump might have incriminated himself when he tweeted that he had to fire Flynn because he lied to Mike Pence and the FBI. You can tell Trump was scared, ’cuz his next tweet was “Hashtag JK LOL.” –Jimmy Fallon

After Trump posted the tweet, the White House claimed it was actually written by Trump’s lawyer. Then Trump saw how many retweets it got, and was like, “Never mind, I wrote it!” –Jimmy Fallon

The other big story is that early Saturday morning, Senate Republicans passed their tax plan. They said, “We realize doing this in the dead of night makes us look sneaky, corrupt and dishonest… Anyway, have a great weekend!” –Jimmy Fallon

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Oh my God — they’re investigating Putin? (sexual harassment anchors)

What a crazy weekend in Washington. First, former national security adviser Michael Flynn cut a plea deal with Robert Mueller, and then the Senate passed the GOP tax bill. I tried to follow it on the news, but all the anchors have been fired for sexual harassment. –Jimmy Fallon

That’s right, Michael Flynn agreed to a plea deal with Robert Mueller — and it came out that FBI’s investigating everyone in the White House all the way to the top. Trump was like, “Oh my God — they’re investigating Putin?” –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

What they want you to see (What they NEVER show you)

According to NBC News, Special Counsel Robert Mueller has gathered enough evidence to charge former national security adviser Michael Flynn and his son as part of the Russia investigation. “Well, at least THEY do stuff together,” yelled Eric. –Seth Meyers

A Twitter customer-support employee briefly shut down President Trump’s profile on Friday on their last day at the company. Sadly, that employee has since died of high-fives. –Seth Meyers

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Happily Married Woman (Holiday Diabetes Season)

Krispy Kreme locations are giving out free donuts this Halloween when you come in wearing a costume. Yeah, it’s the perfect way to kick off the "Holiday Diabetes Season." –Conan O’Brien

There was a big Halloween Party at the White House yesterday. Some of the Halloween costumes at the White House were a little over the top. For example, Melania Trump went as "Happily Married Woman." –Conan O’Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

That’s two lies in one sentence (Trump Junkyard)

Meanwhile, Donald Trump tweeted about Reince Priebus, who he fired. He wrote, “We accomplished a lot together, and I am proud of him.” That’s two lies in one sentence. –Jimmy Kimmel

It will be easier for Reince Priebus to go into a souvenir shop and find a novelty license plate with his name on it than it will be to find a job after this. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @BrandNew535 @justicedems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

In the president's defense, he has no idea what he's talking about (honorary anklet)

President Trump was given an official welcome ceremony in Saudi Arabia this weekend where he was greeted with an honorary collar. As opposed to Michael Flynn who could soon be presented with an honorary anklet. –Seth Meyers

Now, I don't know about you, but I've got a little extra pep in my step tonight because Donald Trump has left the country. Breathing a little easier. Federal judges, now would be a good time to reinstate that travel ban. –Stephen Colbert

They even put one of Trumps tweets on the welcome sign. "Welcome to Riyadh. Rosie O'Donnell is a fat pig." –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

don’t let the door hit ya where the Electoral College split ya (chicken costume)

Huge story that broke just minutes ago: FBI Director James Comey has just been fired by Donald Trump. That shows no gratitude at all. Did Trump forget about the Hillary emails that Comey talked about? “Thanks for the presidency, Jimmy. Now don’t let the door hit ya where the Electoral College split ya.” –Stephen Colbert

Yesterday, we learned that during their first meeting after the election, Obama warned Trump about hiring Michael Flynn. And it was just as effective as when Obama warned America about hiring Trump. –Stephen Colbert

Why didn’t Trump heed this warning? Sources say Trump thought Obama was joking. You know, that old joke: “Why did the chicken cross the road?” “He’s working for the Russians. And it’s actually Michael Flynn in a chicken costume. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

it is not coming from Rachel Maddow so it could be important and real (Art of the Squeal)

Michael Flynn, President Trump’s former national security adviser, announced today that he is willing to testify to the FBI on the Russian investigation in exchange for immunity. When she heard about this, Ivanka Trump picked up her box of belongings and started slowly backing out of the White House. –James Corden

Now, we don’t know the scope of the story yet. But it is not coming from Rachel Maddow so it could be important and real. –James Corden 

Not only is Flynn willing to talk for immunity, he is also coming out with a new book, “The Art of the Squeal.” –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: Astronomers reportedly discovered 60 new planets near our solar system (How are the schools?)

Astronomers reportedly discovered 60 new planets near our solar system. “How are the schools?” asked Melania. –Seth Meyers

Defense officials are reporting that a Russian spy ship has been spotted patrolling 30 miles off the coast of the United States. Said one U.S. official [shows photo of Trump], “Oh, that’s my Uber.” –Seth Meyers

This afternoon, we learned that Trump’s secretary of labor nominee, Andy Puzder, has withdrawn his nomination. Just to be clear, this is not a scandal. He says he just wants to spend more time with Michael Flynn. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html