Finally there will be somebody in the tank who will stop and ask for directions (George Bush, the other way around)

"Rush Limbaugh had an apartment here in New York City. He sold the apartment for $11.5 million. That is $2.5 million for the apartment and $9 million for what they found in the medicine cabinet." –David Letterman

"Women serving in the United States military will now be serving in combat. Finally there will be somebody in the tank who will stop and ask for directions." –David Letterman

 

"Anybody here from Minnesota? Congratulations, you have a brand new senator, our old friend, Al Franken. Al is an interesting guy. Went from being a comedian to a politician. George Bush, the other way around." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's pronounced Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha (I hope that clears that up)

March 2023

“There have been media reports that Donald Trump would be formally charged on Wednesday but will not be arrested until next week. Yeah, apparently Trump signed up for the government’s charge now, pay later option. Trump’s been having meltdowns for several days. It’s all part of his plan to be tried as a juvenile.” —Jimmy Fallon

“There are four separate investigations into Donald Trump, including a federal case on his handling of classified documents taken to his Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida. Earlier this week, prosecutors revealed that Trump knowingly misled his lawyers so that they would submit a sworn statement regarding the documents that he knew was false. So just to be clear, Trump was already in trouble for stealing classified documents from the White House, and now he may have broken the law again by tricking his own lawyers into lying to the government. So now Trump’s original crimes are having their own little baby crimes. They grow up and implicate you so fast, don’t they? Can you imagine being a lawyer for Donald Trump and finding out he set you up? That would make you question whether it was even worth buying a degree from Barbados in the first place. I know there are a lot of different cases going on and this all seems very complicated, but there is a simple explanation. Trump is a criminal. I hope that clears that up.” —Al Franken

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So that would be another failed Trump business venture (All of us, right? It was pretty predictable)

March 2023

“I’ve got just one thing to say about trump’s possible arrest: finally! And you know what the best thing about it is? It’s happening right here in the greatest city on the planet, New York City! Who would ever have thought that Donald Trump would be brought down by a porn star? All of us, right? It was pretty predictable.” —Al Franken

“The possible arrest stems from Trump’s payment to Stormy Daniels to keep the story of their affair quiet, and here we are still talking about it seven years later. So that would be another failed Trump business venture.” —Al Franken

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s how many people Donald Trump lost by (Checking the math)

August 2022

Donald Trump keeps saying that he got more votes by far than any sitting president in the history of our country. I know that sounds good but it doesn’t mean much when you lose by 7,o52,770 votes. Let’s do some math. That is more than the entire population of Ireland, plus the entire population of Nebraska combined. Plus a completely sold out stadium in Ann Arbor, plus everyone who works at a Burger King in America, plus every person that an average American will meet in their entire life, plus every major league baseball player and NBA player, plus a Southwest flight at maximum capacity. And throw in every person to date who’s got Monkey Pox in Indiana and there’s still six people left over. That’s the entire Allman Brothers band. That’s how many people Donald Trump lost by. —Al Franken

Checking the math:

Population of Ireland 4,937,786

Population of Nebraska 1,961,504

Michigan Stadium at capacity 107,601

Burger King employees 34,248

People you’ll meet in lifetime 10,000

MLB players 906

NBA players 450

Southwest plane capacity 189

Indiana Monkeypox cases 80

Allman Brothers Band 6

Total: 7,052,770

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Donald Trump has screwed himself so badly that he’s going to have to write himself a check for $130,000 (a nuclear secret of your choosing)

August 2022

It’s great to be here. I’m Al Franken and I’m the only former U.S. senator to guest host Jimmy Kimmel Live. But tonight is not about politics, it’s about comedy and having fun. So who’s here from out of state to get an abortion? —Al Franken

We have some encouraging news coming out of Washington today. President Biden signed the Inflation Reduction Act which is a huge achievement. It is the single biggest investment in addressing climate change ever. While I’m here I really should talk about some of the other existential threats facing our nation. The enormous gaps in  wealth and income and other threats to our democracy. But I really think one of the most serious issues facing our country today is just how big a dick Ted Cruz is. —Al Franken

By taking classified documents to his home in Mar-a-Lago, former president Donald Trump has screwed himself so badly that he’s going to have to write himself a check for $130,000. —Al Franken

There has never been a better time to visit Palm Beach because for the rest of the summer Mar-a-Lago is running a special weekend getaway package that includes free breakfast, a room upgrade where available, and a nuclear secret of your choosing. —Al Franken

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's easy to spot: it was the one with the balloons hanging over it (George Bush, the other way around)

Happy birthday to Ed Lowe, the man who invented Kitty Litter. Here's what I admire about Ed Lowe. Here was a guy who was thinking inside the box.—David Letterman

"Anybody here from Minnesota? Congratulations, you have a brand new senator, our old friend, Al Franken. Al is an interesting guy. Went from being a comedian to a politician. George Bush, the other way around." --David Letterman

"But Governor Mark Sanford didn't really enjoy this year's Fourth of July. He left his favorite firecracker in Argentina." --David Letterman

"The convention kicked off with a big mixer for Republican delegates in Senator Larry Craig's airport restroom stall. Easy to spot: it was the one with the balloons hanging over it." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How bad a candidate are you if you can't win an election when you have the creator of the universe on your side? (Can I have a hint?)

"And an elderly man in Boynton Beach, Florida, was arrested after he called 911 to report that the Burger King he was standing in had just run out of lemonade. It is so sad to see what's happened to John McCain since the election." --Jay Leno

"I miss the President Bush news conference. Like when they asked him a question, he'd go, 'Uh, can I have a hint?'" --Jay Leno

"And in Minnesota, Republican Norm Coleman, who is in a legal fight with Al Franken over who won the election for Senate, said, 'God wants me to serve.' But here is my question. How bad a candidate are you if you can't win an election when you have the creator of the universe on your side?" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

there’s no place for someone like that in the United States Senate (playing a sheep?)

Al Franken announced he is resigning from the Senate due to sexual harassment allegations. Other senators said he seemed heartfelt, contrite, and dignified and there’s no place for someone like that in the United States Senate. –Jimmy Fallon

Prince William said that Prince George just played a sheep in his school’s nativity play. Which raises the question, how rich were the other kids that Prince George wound up playing a sheep? –Jimmy Fallon

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

But he's already got a backup plan (gonna run for senator of Alabama)

Time Magazine named its "Person of the Year" this morning and it's the "Silence Breakers" who've reported sexual harassment. They announced it on the "Today" show. Al Roker was like, "Here's a look at the elephant in your neck of the room!" –Jimmy Fallon

Following more allegations of sexual harassment, 30 Democratic senators called on Al Franken to resign as senator of Minnesota. But he's already got a backup plan: He's gonna run for senator of Alabama. –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

We must change things, because we cannot accept the way things are (On the plus side)

A sixth woman has come forward to accuse Senator Al Franken of sexually inappropriate behavior. On the plus side, if Franken resigns as senator from Minnesota, he could still be elected the senator from Alabama. –Conan O’Brien

Two large properties associated with Donald Trump have decided to disassociate from him. One is the Trump SoHo hotel, and the other is the Kremlin. –Conan O’Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

He said bad things about Obama? (until this whole thing blows over)

This weekend Trump sent a tweet where he criticized Senator Jeff Flake for saying bad things about, quote, “your favorite president.” People were like, “He said bad things about Obama?” –Jimmy Fallon

Al Franken said that he isn’t resigning, but will spend the next few days reflecting. Reflecting is a political term meaning “hope someone else gets busted and this whole thing blows over.” –Jimmy Fallon

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

To Al. Why Not You? (Don't be the last democrat to endorse single-payer healthcare)

My copy.

It was great. Thanks.

I told people when you were first

elected to senate

that America was making

progress.

Please don't be the last democrat

to endorse

single-payer healthcare.

Please don't make me

eat my words.

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Oasis All You Need Is Love