Myth or sarcasm (Old Yeller)

The good news for Trump is that one of his family members finally showed up at court today. The bad news is it was Eric. Trump’s middle son attended the trial in support of his father, which in the Trump family is as close as you get to playing catch. If Eric was on trial, do you think Trump would be there in court for him? Best-case scenario, he pulls up in a limo, yells ‘witch-hunt!’ out the window and drives back home for a taco bowl. —Jimmy Kimmel

After days of warnings, the judge fined Trump $9,000 for repeatedly violating a gag order restricting public comments about the trial or its participants. That should shut him up. Trump spends $9,000 at the Wendy’s drive-through. —Jimmy Kimmel

After Kristi Noem revealed in her new book that she killed her puppy for being excited about chickens, a Trump source said it was now impossible for her to be selected as his running mate. After all, you can’t have her standing right next to an Old Yeller. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's never a good sign when you see a jumbo jet taking the I-95 to Tampa (here ONLY for a limited time)

Republican candidates aired a dozen new TV ads last week, even though recent data has shown that TV ads are mostly ineffective. Chris Christie was like, “If TV ads aren't effective, why do I keep going to Wendy's for their Gouda Bacon Cheeseburger, here ONLY for a limited time?” –Jimmy Fallon

“Well, guys, everyone is talking about this — early this morning, all flights across the U.S. were grounded due to a failure with the FAA's computer system. Yeah. Zero flights took off, but somehow everyone's luggage still ended up in Pittsburgh. That's right. No flights took off. It's never a good sign when you see a jumbo jet taking the I-95 to Tampa.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which explains why every book comes with a bottle of Pepto-Bismol and a straw (This is Monopoly money)

Stormy Daniels has written a book about Donald Trump. An advance copy just came out. And she actually writes about her night with Trump in detail. Which explains why every book comes with a bottle of Pepto-Bismol and a straw. --Jimmy Fallon

Last night, Toys R Us officially filed for bankruptcy after falling $5 billion in debt. I guess they tried to pay it off, but the bank said, "This is Monopoly money." –Jimmy Fallon

A married couple in Louisiana was arrested after filming themselves having sex in a Walmart and a Burger King. Of course they were very embarrassed, so they told their friends it was a Target and a Wendy’s. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

the one I totaled after driving it straight into a Wendy’s (The only band yet to confirm is The Cure)

“In other bungling response news, Trump falsely asserted enough tests for all Americans would be available ASAP (they’re not) and that those tests were as ‘perfect’ as his call with the Ukrainian president, Volodomyr Zelensky, that fueled his impeachment. You’re comparing the test for a global pandemic to the thing that got you impeached? That’s not a good comparison. That’s like borrowing your friend’s Kia and saying: ‘This reminds me a lot of my last car, the one I totaled after driving it straight into a Wendy’s.’” —Seth Meyers

“Also today, it was announced that, due to coronavirus, the music festival Coachella has now been postponed until October. In fact, headliner Rage Against the Machine has already changed their name to Rage to Get the Vaccine. And that’s not the only musical act that plans to be in Coachella in October. You can also count on Miley Virus, Justin Fever, the Flu Fighters, Pandemic! at the Disco — we got like a hundred of these. The only band yet to confirm is The Cure.” — James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Trump just walked into a McDonald’s and went, “Give me the usual.” (his four most trusted advisors)

Last Night President Trump hosted the National Championship winning Clemson Tigers football team at the White House, where he paid $3,000 out of his own pocket to provide them with pizza, fries and hamburgers. To place this order, Trump just walked into a McDonald’s and went, “Give me the usual.” --James Corden

Trump bought food from McDonald’s, Wendy’s Burger King and Domino’s -- or as Trump calls them, his four most trusted advisors. --James Corden

This morning Trump tweeted about the dinner, and proceeded to misspell the word “hamburgers.” Of course he did. He’s the President of the United States. He called them “hamberders.” But anyway this afternoon it was back to business as usual. Trump was 100% focused on his “Berder” wall. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

when I took over for the Wendy’s girl (or as they call that in Florida, a prodigy)

In Florida, a 7-year-old boy was arrested for punching his teacher. A 7-year-old boy — or as they call that in Florida, a prodigy. --Conan O’Brien

On Thursday, KFC announced that Colonel Sanders will now be played by Reba McEntire. People have not been this shocked since 2007, when I took over for the Wendy’s girl. Remember that? The stock went down 95 percent. --Conan O’Brien

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

News Item: Bush Budget Ends Education Funding (sock in his pants)

"According to the Washington Post, Hillary Clinton has been showing a little cleavage out there on the campaign trail. People feel this is why her lead over Barack Obama has increased. But I think there's something to it. In fact, today, Barack Obama made a speech with a rolled up sock in his pants." --Jay Leno

"John Edwards and his lovely wife Elizabeth celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary this week the same way they do every year. He took her to Wendy's  for a cheeseburger, chilli and a milkshake. See, that shows you how smart John Edwards is. Think about this. Most guys get an $8 haircut and have to take their wife out for a $400 anniversary dinner. He gets a $400 haircut and takes her out for an $8 dinner." –Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

filming themselves having sex in a Walmart and a Burger King (Rocket Man)

Yesterday, Trump posted a tweet where he referred to Kim Jong Un as “Rocket Man.” Which beats the other nickname he gave him, Lil’ Kim. –Jimmy Fallon

Today is Ben Carson’s 66th birthday. It’s a little different on Ben Carson’s birthday. He actually OPENS his eyes to make a wish. –Jimmy Fallon

A married couple in Louisiana was arrested after filming themselves having sex in a Walmart and a Burger King. Of course they were very embarrassed, so they told their friends it was a Target and a Wendy’s. –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

So the favorite to sweep the VMAs next year is Huma Abedin

The CEO of Wendy's says the election is hurting the chain's burger sales — people are spending less because they are worried about the future. Let's be honest here, if you're eating a Wendy's Baconator, you're probably not too concerned about the future. –Jimmy Fallon

Kim Jong Un reportedly threw a huge outdoor dance party on Thursday to celebrate the successful test of North Korea's ballistic missile. Residents described the party as fun, exciting, and mandatory. –Jimmy Fallon

At last night’s VMAs, Beyoncé's album "Lemonade," about her husband’s cheating, won seven awards. So the favorite to sweep the VMAs next year is Huma Abedin. –Conan O’Brien