You cheated on your ex-wife with an older woman? (Is that even legal?)

“Over the years, Trump and King Charles have actually bonded because they both know what it’s like to inherit everything they have. Besides that, they also know what it’s like to spend all day on the throne.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Tomorrow, Trump, Melania and the royal family will share a carriage ride. And if they’re not home by midnight, either the carriage or Trump will turn back into a pumpkin.” — Jimmy Fallon

“I can’t wait to see those two together: ‘[imitating Trump] So, Charles, let me get this part straight: You cheated on your ex-wife with an older woman? Is that even legal?’” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Chris Christie sent back his chimichanga (Kate Upton)

"Since House Majority Leader Eric Cantor lost to an anti-immigration candidate, many Republicans are feeling pressure to take a harder stance on immigration. In fact, the Republicans are so paranoid, today Chris Christie sent back his chimichanga." –Conan O'Brien

Match.com is charging $5,000 to set you up with someone who looks like your ex. You wouldn't believe how many guys on Match.com once dated Kate Upton.--Conan O'Brien

"According to a new study, the number of car crashes linked to marijuana has risen. Fortunately, when the cars crashed they were all going eight miles per hour." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, that just happened (10 poorest states)

The Royal wedding is just three days away! Which means in just three days, the world will finally get to see the queen do the Electric Slide. --Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday, 39-year-old Emmanuel Macron became the youngest president in French history. You can tell he’s young ’cause after they swore him in, his first words in his speech were, “So, that just happened.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's like popping an Ambien before you watch the Weather Channel (Oh my God, where do we send the check?)

Let’s talk about Donald Trump, because we do it every night. He said that he may skip the next Republican debate on CNN unless the network pays him $5 million. But CNN laughed it off, saying, “We don't have $5 million.” CNN was like, “Fine, we'll just let Jeb Bush talk for two hours — oh my God, where do we send the check?” –Jimmy Fallon

The other big news is that Trump appointed Ben Carson as his secretary of Housing and Urban Development. That means Trump talked with Ben Carson and Al Gore on the same day, which is kind of like popping an Ambien before you watch the Weather Channel. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

the liberal media used two of its favorite tricks on her: 'Record' and 'Play.' ($400 kneeling shoes)

According to Ivana Trump’s new book, President Trump once left his son Donald Trump Jr. stranded on a tarmac after he was five minutes late for a flight. Even worse, Eric’s been in an overhead bin for the last two years. –Seth Meyers

"Delaware Republican senate candidate Christine O'Donnell blamed her campaign's recent troubles on unfair coverage in the "liberal media." Yup, the liberal media used two of its favorite tricks on her: 'Record' and 'Play.'" –Seth Meyers

After President Trump called for pro-athletes to be fired if they didn't stand for the national anthem, Nike released a statement yesterday in support of "athletes and their right to freedom of expression." Then they introduced a new line of $400 "kneeling shoes." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

By the way, “supermodel times ten” is also his spray tan setting (Lord Love a Lefty)

Donald Trump thanked crowds in Phoenix for their support this weekend, saying, “I feel like a supermodel, except like times ten.” By the way, “supermodel times ten” is also his spray tan setting. –Seth Meyers

Burger King Russia has apologized for offering a lifetime supply of Whoppers to any Russian woman who could get pregnant with the child of a World Cup player. In related news, no matter what this guy says [picture of Burger King’s “The King” ad mascot], he does not play for Spain. --Seth Meyers

Yesterday House Speaker Paul Ryan referred to the Democratic-led sit-in for gun control as “nothing more than a publicity stunt.” He then added, “Now if you’ll excuse me, my party’s nominee has a WWE match to fight.” –Seth Meyers

A Canadian woman was arrested for having an open container of liquor while driving Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s SUV. Although when Rob Ford’s in the car, anyone not smoking crack is legally considered a designated driver.--Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Local Man Thinks Trickle Down Economics Are Real (They’re called English majors)

May 2014

"According to a new survey, 55 percent of Americans think that they are smarter than the average American. Said the average American, '55 percent? That's almost half.'" –Seth Meyers

"New research suggests that people who are more ambitious will live longer. While people who are less ambitious will live longer with their parents." –Seth Meyers

"A new study claims that 1 in 10 Americans no longer carry cash. They’re called English majors." –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Nobody wants to be exploited anymore (focusing more on his ice cream brand)

January 2022

“This is big, y’all. Justice Breyer is retiring. Yeah, probably to focus more on his ice cream brand.” —Trevor Noah

“It’s been reported that Stephen Breyer will retire from the supreme court. Democrats have been relentlessly pestering Breyer to step down so that they can replace him before Mitch McConnell comes back into power and makes a rule that all supreme court justices have to have been platinum QAnon members in the past. Honestly, no one should be surprised by this news, right? It probably isn’t fun being hounded all day by people screaming at you to retire. Think about it, everywhere this guy goes, people are telling him he should be retiring. He’s probably in line at the grocery store and people are like ‘retire, bitch!’ He’s at Starbucks, the name on the cup is ‘Retire Bitch.’ While many Democrats are relieved at the 83-year-old justice’s retirement. I feel like the only winner here will be Mitch McConnell. Maybe I’m just scarred. Because even though the Republicans don’t control the Senate, don’t be shocked when Mitch still makes it happen. He’s just going to come out like, ‘It’s a longstanding Senate tradition that we cannot confirm a supreme court justice in a year when there’s a new season of Ozark on Netflix.’” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

Those aren’t mine. I’m just holding them for my friend, Tony Fauci (trusted epidemiologist Dr. Dre)

January 2022

“Great news for all the teenagers whose parents find weed in their room: ‘Oh, Mom, I see you found the Covid-stopping compounds that I hid in my sock drawer. Those aren’t mine. no, no. Those aren’t mine. I’m just holding them for my friend, Tony Fauci.’” —Stephen Colbert

“In other words, the pot enters the body and asks Covid, ‘Are you a cell? You have to tell me if you’re a cell.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Now, if you’re skeptical about the science here, let me remind you, this study has been reviewed by the C.D.C.’s stoner nephew the THC.” —Stephen Colbert

“Now, technically, these are compounds that have to be extracted from the plant and not smoked. But there’s anecdotal support for the Covid-fighting properties of weed itself, because as of today — and this is true — three people who have yet to get Covid are Seth Rogen, Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg. That’s why Snoop’s teaming up again with trusted epidemiologist Dr. Dre for their new album, ‘The Omichronic.’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, it goes brother, my dude, homey, this guy and stepdad (The first one sold pretty well)

December 2021

“CNN has suspended Chris Cuomo indefinitely for his role in advising his brother, Andrew Cuomo, during his recent scandal. Yeah, Chris Cuomo knew something was up when CNN added a suspension countdown clock.” —Jimmy Fallon

“On the one hand, this is a story about a guy helping his brother in a time of crisis. And, I mean, who wouldn’t do that for their brother? Because you’ve got to remember, brother is the top level of male relationship. Yeah, it goes brother, my dude, homey, this guy and stepdad.” —Trevor Noah

“Of course, it does matter and it does make a difference how you help your brother and what you’re helping him with. Like, if your brother murdered somebody, you can either help him get the best lawyer in the country, or you can help him bury the body. I mean, both make you a good brother, but one makes you an accessory after the fact.” —Trevor Noah

“And, people, that’s not what CNN is about. CNN is about sitting 12 people together at a desk and having them yell at each other about whether Adele’s Las Vegas residency is going to hurt Biden’s poll numbers or not.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”