A woman reportedly traveled 100 miles with her pet cat on the roof of her car before she realized her horrible mistake of getting a pet cat. —Greg Gutfeld
Hunter Biden accused Jake Tapper of writing his book on Joe Biden by using chat GPT. Unlike Hunter, who only uses Crack GPT. —Greg Gutfeld
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
Hunter Biden told a judge that he has suffered a significant downturn in his income and has debt in the millions of dollars range. It's gotten so bad they repossessed his crack pipe. —Greg Gutfeld
In non-Biden news, a free diver from Croatia held his breath underwater for an incredible 29 minutes, shattering the previous record held by Joy Behar's waxer. —Greg Gutfeld
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
Hunter Biden also claimed that during that disastrous presidential debate, his father was under the influence of ambien. Because if there's one thing Joe needed, it was more sleep. —Greg Gutfeld
Hunter Biden said that smoking crack is safer than drinking alcohol. Maybe so, but I've never heard of anyone bl**ing someone for a Coors Light. —Greg Gutfeld
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
This weekend was the Kentucky Derby with Nyquist coming in first, Exaggerator coming in second, and — this is crazy — Jeb coming in last. –Seth Meyers
Police in Philadelphia are investigating after a 5-year-old boy walked into his preschool class holding about two dozen vials of crack cocaine. In the kid's defense, he did bring enough for everyone. --Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"PETA is really upset at Chris Christie for killing a spider in front of a group of school children. Governor Christie said, 'If PETA is upset by that, they do not want to know what I had for lunch today.'" –Conan O'Brien
"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie revealed that he underwent a surgery that restricts the amount of food he can consume. As a result, 12 animals have been removed from the endangered species list." –Conan O'Brien
"After rumors surfaced of another video of him smoking crack, Rob Ford said he's taking a leave of absence, and of course he's earned it. The guy's been up since 2004." –Conan O'Brien
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
The FBI put a gag order about Hunter Biden's laptop to prevent agents from revealing the truth. Coincidentally Gag Order was the name of most of the videos on Hunter's laptop. By the way Hunter willfully gave up his law license. This makes sense. You want a lawyer who cracks open his briefcase not opens his briefcase for crack. —Greg Gutfeld
Our current press built half the Manhattan skyline and without those buildings where could the left protest. Then we got the world’s richest guy, who also rescues astronauts and helps the paralyzed walk and other stuff that I do on the weekends. He's even tackling the decline in the world's population one hot chick at a time. —Greg Gutfeld
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said this week that marriage counseling is the biggest mistake he's ever made. Though unless he got the marriage counselor pregnant, I don't think that's true. --Seth Meyers
A Canadian woman was arrested for having an open container of liquor while driving Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s SUV. Although when Rob Ford’s in the car, anyone not smoking crack is legally considered a designated driver. --Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Scientists have used high speed video to study how the squirting cucumber explosively shoots out its seeds. Reached for comment, scientists quickly closed their laptops and shouted, don't come in here! —Colin Jost
Still, President Biden has issued a full pardon for his son Hunter, just weeks before he was to be sentenced on gun charges and tax evasion. Hunter celebrated his father's decision by celebrating way less than he used to. —Michael Che
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
There are superficial similarities between their two cases – they both filed phoney paperwork, in that Hunter lied on an application to buy a gun, and Trump falsified business records. The only difference is that one of them was on crack when it happened. —Jimmy Kimmel
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
Police in Philadelphia are investigating after a 5-year-old boy walked into his preschool class holding about two dozen vials of crack cocaine. In the kid's defense, he did bring enough for everyone. --Seth Meyers
"60 Minutes" correspondent Morley Safer will formally retire this week after 46 seasons with the show. Safer made his name as a young reporter covering the landmark case of "Asteroid v. Dinosaurs." –Seth Meyers
Donald Trump told the Associated Press yesterday that he had whittled down his list of possible running mates to "five or six people." Five or six people is also how Trump describes his kids. –Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
A Florida man has been arrested for stealing a $1,500 dog from a pet store and trading it for crack. On the plus side, we finally have an answer to the question: How much is that doggie in the window? –Seth Meyers
"Yesterday, during his domestic abuse trial, NASCAR driver Kurt Busch said he believes his ex-girlfriend is a CIA-trained assassin. I guess those are just the kinds of thoughts you have when you drive in circles for four hours." –Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Apple announced the iPhone 6 today, which they say has a more durable screen that won't crack or scratch as easily. Or as your kids put it, 'Challenge accepted!' Apple promised less cracking. Then Toronto Mayor Rob Ford said, 'Hey, that's my campaign slogan.'" –Jimmy Fallon
Football started tonight with the Denver Broncos playing their first game since Peyton Manning retired. Trevor Siemian took his place and before kickoff, Peyton put his arm around Trevor's shoulder, looked into his eyes and said, "You know, starting today, you can get two medium Papa John's pizzas for $6." –Jimmy Fallon
"According to a new poll, Levi Johnston now has lower approval ratings than John Edwards. Levy said he is disappointed with his low approval ratings and will do everything he can to knock them up." –Jimmy Fallon
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
One of the big revelations of this latest email dump is that Secretary Clinton didn't use just one smartphone in office as she originally claimed, she used up to 13 different mobile devices in four years. Madam Secretary, tell the truth. Are you a crack dealer? Because I can't figure out why else you would need 13 phones. –Stephen Colbert
Have you heard about the latest FBI report on Hillary Clinton's emails? Probably not, because they put it out the Friday before Labor Day. You couldn't hide that news more if you welded it inside a lead capsule and fired it into the heart of the sun. –Stephen Colbert
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Rob Ford says he doesn't really know if he'll be a good TV host, but he's willing to take a crack at it." –Jimmy Fallon
"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford admitted he smoked crack while he was in office, but he's refusing to step down. Despite all this, he's announced that he'll be hosting a TV show with his brother in Canada. It raises a lot of questions, starting with, 'How can I get Canadian TV?'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Dennis Rodman is back in North Korea. And now he's facing a lot of criticism over a new interview where he said that North Korea is 'not that bad.' Even Kim Jong Un was like, 'Uh, yeah, it kind of is.'" –Jimmy Fallon
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
President Trump today spoke to the National Federation of Independent Businesses. Am I crazy or is he just making up fake organizations to speak to because he's afraid to talk to actual voters? "Oh, you hate me because of my immigration policies? Funny, because the League of Women Fishermen said they'd love it if I spoke at their Birthday Flounder Fest." --Seth Meyers
President Trump repeated his false statement today that crime is up in Germany and said the numbers may appear lower because officials don't want to report the crimes. Dude, you want us to believe you've been poring over secret unreleased German crime statistics? You haven't even read your own autobiography. --Seth Meyers
A Canadian woman was arrested for having an open container of liquor while driving Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s SUV. Although when Rob Ford’s in the car, anyone not smoking crack is legally considered a designated driver.--Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Last night, President Bush addressed the crowd at the Republican Convention via satellite. The first ten minutes of Bush's speech consisted of him saying, 'Wait a minute, how can you can see me when I can't see you?'" --Conan O'Brien
"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is an entertaining fellow, the gift that keeps on giving. According to police reports, Ford once did heroin with gang members. In his defense, Ford said, 'We had to, they were completely out of crack.'" –Conan O'Brien
"A big insurance company just announced they will give $10 million to anyone who can invent a car that gets 100 miles per gallon. Meanwhile, Exxon says they'll give $11 million to anyone who kills that guy." --Conan O'Brien
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford reiterated that he should be re-elected mayor of Toronto because he saves taxpayers money. I think he should be re-elected because he's hilarious and because I don't live in Toronto." –Jimmy Kimmel
"President Bush's approval rating is not good. A new Gallup poll puts it at just 36% which is a new low for his presidency. He is just slightly more popular than herpes now." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Today gang members were caught on wiretaps saying they have photos of Mayor Rob Ford doing heroin, which is weird because I thought he had an exclusive deal with crack." –Jimmy Kimmel
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Police in Ohio recently arrested a man for allegedly stealing meat from a supermarket after catching him with steak in his pants. The steak was visible, because he only hid it medium well. --Seth Meyers
Police in Philadelphia are investigating after a 5-year-old boy walked into his preschool class holding about two dozen vials of crack cocaine. In the kid's defense, he did bring enough for everyone. --Seth Meyers
A Washington, D.C., condo that is currently up for sale has gained attention online after Internet users discovered that a listing photo of the property accidentally included a man's penis. Said prospective buyers, "No, I wanted exposed BRICK." --Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
At a rally in Michigan this weekend, President Trump asked the crowd, quote, "Any Hispanics in the room?" And it's a little alarming that he was holding a net. --Seth Meyers
Today was National School Nurse Day, and if you want to know what they're getting, lice. --Seth Meyers
Two men are competing to be the first person to complete an unassisted 921-mile trek across Antarctica. Which is dumb, because if they just wait a few years, Antarctica will only be like 20 miles, tops. --Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have
used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have
MADE a smartphone." –Conan O'Brien
"A U.N. study claims the happiest country in the world is Switzerland. When asked why they're so happy, Swiss people couldn't answer because their hands were counting money and their mouths were full of chocolate." –Conan O'Brien
"After rumors surfaced of another video of him smoking crack, Rob Ford said he's taking a leave of absence, and of course he's earned it. The guy's been up since 2004." –Conan O'Brien
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
