We've got to come up with a better story (Iraq trip)

"President Bush's Iraq trip was so top secret that before he left, he lied to his Cabinet members -- told them he was going to bed early so he could read. When the Secret Service heard this, they said, 'We've got to come up with a better story.'" --Conan O'Brien

"After visiting Baghdad for five hours, President Bush told reporters that he is upbeat about Iraq. Bush's exact words were: 'Next time, I'm going to stay for six hours.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Bush was in Baghdad for six hours. You weren't even in the real Baghdad. You were in the Green Zone. That's like going to the Olive Garden and saying you've been to Italy." --Jon Stewart