Dad, quit asking me that (you almost want to let her vote in federal elections)

"CNN, to mark the fifth anniversary of 9/11, is going to be re-playing their original coverage of that day. Let's just hope that President Bush doesn't tune in and go, 'Oh my God, they've done it again!'" --Bill Maher

"We won the Miss Universe pageant. Meet Miss Puerto Rico, or as I call her, Miss 'U.S.A.'s Territory with Commonwealth Status' Puerto Rico. She is so beautiful, you almost want to let her vote in federal elections." --Stephen Colbert

"President Bush said he's often asked why we are in Iraq when Saddam Hussein isn't responsible for 9/11. Bush said all his responses are the same -- 'Dad, quit asking me that.'" --Jay Leno