Don't blame me, I wasn't even there (In other words, the White House/Crying Is Not An Emergency)

"President Bush traveling a lot these days. You notice that? Last week, Bush was in Latin America, and later this week he's going to Asia. The trips are all part of Bush's new domestic plan, 'Don't blame me, I wasn't even there.'" --Conan O’Brien

"Yesterday President Bush made his fifth visit to the area that received the most damage from Hurricane Katrina. In other words, the White House." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Who forgot to check if the Vice President s daughter is pregnant? (Even worse, some of it was wasted)

 

"This is a terrible controversy. According to a new report, $1.4 billion of FEMA money for Hurricane Katrina victims was used to buy alcohol, vacations and pornography. Even worse, some of it was wasted." --Conan O'Brien

Barack Obama now is giving interviews where he's opening up about his life. The candidates want to reveal their personal side. In a new interview that just came out, Barack Obama said as a kid, he cried when he saw the movie 'Born Free.' Very nice. Yeah. Yeah, meanwhile, John McCain said, as a kid, he cried because movies weren’t invented yet." --Conan O'Brien

"The Republican Convention is under way. The theme for tonight’s Republican Convention is, 'Who is John McCain?' Tomorrow night s theme is, 'Who forgot to check if the Vice President s daughter is pregnant?'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

There was a hurricane in New Orleans? (What is Dick Cheney doing in Toledo, Ohio?)

"President Obama went to New Orleans today to check up on the rebuilding efforts after Hurricane Katrina. When President Bush heard about it, he said, 'There was a hurricane in New Orleans?'"–Jay Leno

"Well, here's a very bizarre story. People act strangely this time of year. In Toledo, Ohio, a man attacked a Salvation Army bell ringer, grabbed his red kettle, threw it in the back of his truck, yelled, 'I hate Christmas,' and drove off. Here's my question. What is Dick Cheney doing in Toledo, Ohio?" –Jay Leno

"And, of course, the Republicans still can't believe that Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. And the Democrats can't believe that Sarah Palin wrote a book. So, it's even." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Are you better off than you were four wives ago? (the Costco of crazy)

"Lenscrafters is upset with Tea Partier Michele Bachmann because she called Planned Parenthood 'the Lenscrafters of abortion.' Lenscrafters released a statement today calling her 'the Costco of crazy.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump is going to make an announcement about running for President on the season finale of 'Celebrity Apprentice.' Not to be outdone, the same night the Cake Boss will reveal his plan for overhauling Medicare." –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump is a little tone-deaf to the average American. He unveiled his slogan this week 'Are you better off than you were four wives ago?''" –Bill Maher

"Michele Bachmann said Planned Parenthood is the Lenscrafters of Big Abortion.' Which is a realy double-whammy because the conservatives hate Planned Parenthood and they hate Lenscrafters, because Lenscrafters makes glasses, and that could lead to reading." –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

you got the guy who spent five years in a prison camp versus the guy who spent five years in the tanning booth (Jesus Crist)

"As if all this news is not bad enough, today, President Bush announced he's on the case. Because if there's one name that comes to mind when you're in a no-room-for-error crisis, it's George Bush." --Bill Maher

"Among the people rumored to be a possibility for John McCain's vice-presidential running mate is 51-year-old Florida Governor Charlie Crist and surprisingly not his brother, Jesus Crist." –Seth Meyers

"The Republican race is now down to McCain and Romney. Interesting two guys, you got the guy who spent five years in a prison camp versus the guy who spent five years in the tanning booth." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

when your name is Dick Mountjoy, people are gonna remember you being there

"President Clinton lost his temper in an interview with Chris Wallace on Fox News this past Sunday. I like Bill Clinton, but if he can't be pleasant and polite, I don't think he's gonna be the kind of first lady Hillary's going to need." --Jay Leno

"Big problems for California U.S. Senate candidate Dick Mountjoy. He says he was on the Battleship Missouri in the Korean War. Turns out he wasn't. No one on the ship can remember him being there. And believe me, when your name is Dick Mountjoy, people are gonna remember you being there." --Jay Leno

"This Sunday, the New Orleans Saints, with running back Reggie Bush, will play their first home game since Hurricane Katrina in the Superdome against the Falcons. It will also be the first time in recent memory the people of New Orleans be will cheering someone named Bush." --Jay Leno

panda bear sandwich/Dalai Lama's lost luggage/gladiator movies

Today, President Bush had a historic meeting with the Dalai Lama. There was an awkward moment when Bush saw what the Dalai Lama was wearing and said, 'Don't tell me they lost your luggage.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Experts were worried about China's reaction to President Bush's meeting with the Dalai Lama, but Bush says he doesn't think the meeting will damage our relationship with China. Then Bush said, 'But this might,' and took a huge bite out of a panda bear sandwich." --Conan O'Brien

"Senator Larry Craig was interviewed by Matt Lauer this week, and Craig said that he's a victim of gladiator politics. Then Craig said, 'And trust me, no one's watched more gladiator movies than I have" --Conan O'Brien

No word yet what he's going to do with the other 14 minutes

"And, of course, of course, now the real pressure is on. President Bush only has three days left to respond to Hurricane Katrina." --Jay Leno 



"President Bush has asked all the major networks for 15 minutes of air time on Thursday to give his farewell speech to the nation. Well, the White House says he's going to use part of the time to list his accomplishments. No word yet what he's going to do with the other 14 minutes." --Jay Leno 

 

"But I think everybody has warm feelings for George Bush now. He held his final press conference yesterday. He admitted — it takes a big man to do this — he admitted that a couple things didn’t go according to plan. A couple of things went haywire. His first term and his second term. Those two things." --David Letterman 

Who among us hasn't had a couple of drinks and invaded Iraq?

"President Bush is everywhere talking about his book and he's being very candid. In one interview, he said that he used to do stupid things while he was drunk. But think about it, who among us hasn't had a couple of drinks and invaded Iraq?" –David Letterman

"George W. Bush says he is glad to be out of the Oval Office because he doesn't have to think all the time. And I'm thinking wait a minute, that was him thinking all the time. Really?" –David Letterman

"But the guy, the president, he is still quick. Still very athletic. You know, he's a former cheerleader. I believe he is our only president who was a cheerleader. He proved today at a book signing that he can still duck a shoe." –David Letterman 

You're doing a heck of a job

"Obamacare was trying to protect these people who are being ripped off by insurance companies. But, yesterday, Obama said, 'Okay, you know what? You want your sh*tty, crummy plans? You can have them!' You want your policy where you go in for an operation and you're covered for when they cut you open, but not when they sew you up? Fine, children, have your broken piece of glass that you want to play with!'" –Bill Maher



"The New York Times is calling this Obama's Katrina. Which of course is great for George Bush. He loves this. He called up Obama today and said, 'You're doing a heck of a job, brownie.'" –Bill Maher