To be fair though all 40,000 reviews came from Chris Christie (your comrades know it's just as valid)

Elon Musk has apologized to Donald Trump tweeting that he regrets some of his posts and that they went too far. As a token of regret he's offering to impregnate a woman of Trump's choice. Trump is still harboring a grudge because his choice was Rosie O’Donnell. —Greg Gutfeld 

Meanwhile last night the LA rioters destroyed a popular sushi restaurant. Wow, first ICE and now rice. —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump said the protesters are no longer allowed to wear masks unless they're a solid four or lower. —Greg Gutfeld

Based on more than 40,000 Yelp reviews In-N-Out Burger has the best French fries in the country. To be fair though all 40,000 reviews came from Chris Christie. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Luckily, rescuers were able to get him out after about 35 quarters (five-star Yelp reviews that were 47 paragraphs long)

A boy in Maryland this weekend was trapped in an arcade claw machine after climbing through the prize door. Luckily, rescuers were able to get him out after about 35 quarters. –Seth Meyers

Two Papa John’s employees in Washington State were arrested this week for allegedly delivering cocaine in pizza boxes. Authorities became suspicious when Papa John’s started getting five-star Yelp reviews that were 47 paragraphs long. –Seth Meyers

“Wonder Woman” made $100 million at the box office this weekend. Meanwhile, Wonder Man made $121 million for doing the same job. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Meanwhile, Wonder Man made $121 million for doing the same job (Help! My Dad’s a Nectarine!)

“Wonder Woman” made $100 million at the box office this weekend. Meanwhile, Wonder Man made $121 million for doing the same job. –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump is continuing to draw criticism for his claims that Judge Gonzalo Curiel's Mexican heritage makes him unfit to preside over a lawsuit against Trump University, despite the fact that Curiel was born and raised in Indiana. And when Trump found that out, he said, "Oh, no, he's an Indian, too?" –Seth Meyers

Two Papa John’s employees in Washington State were arrested this week for allegedly delivering cocaine in pizza boxes. Authorities became suspicious when Papa John’s started getting five-star Yelp reviews that were 47 paragraphs long. –Seth Meyers

It is being reported that Ivanka Trump is writing a book titled “Women Who Work: Rewriting the Rules of Success.” Which is better than the original title, “Help! My Dad’s a Nectarine!” –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Lord, please help me accept the things I cannot change, which is everything (as powerful as a negative Yelp review)

March 2014

"Pope Francis and President Obama met for the first time today and prayed together. Said Obama: 'Lord, please help me accept the things I cannot change, which is everything.'" –Seth Meyers 

"Today the U.N. approved a resolution calling Russia's annexation of Crimea illegal. For those of you who don't know what a U.N. resolution is, it's about as powerful as a negative Yelp review." –Seth Meyers 

"After discovering a new dwarf planet orbiting the sun beyond Pluto, scientists have named it '2012 VP113' or 'Biden' for short. Scientists say they chose the name because the planet, like Biden, is pretty far out there." –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I wish they would’ve done it digitally (two wives ago)

[As Trump:] “Your spiteful actions display unfettered contempt for America’s founding, and your egregious conduct threatens to destroy that which our founders pledged their very lives to build. Yes, a nation built on the belief that powerful white men face no consequences whatsoever.” --Stephen Colbert

“Then Trump complained about how damaging impeachment has been to those he loves. [As Trump:] You do not know, nor do you care, the great damage and hurt you have inflicted upon wonderful and loving members of my family. You’ve hurt them all, from the innocent wife I cheated on with a porn star, to the poor kids whose mother I bailed on two wives ago — all of them.” --Stephen Colbert

“It’s been reported that in the upcoming film version of ‘Cats,’ the editors digitally removed the actor’s penis. When asked about it, the actor said, ‘I wish they would’ve done it digitally.’” --Conan O’Brien

“President Trump sent a six page letter to Nancy Pelosi about his impeachment. And this might be the most deranged letter to Santa ever. It is a long, stupid, disingenuous and incoherent defense, signed by an angry gorilla with a Sharpie. I mean, is this a signature or a seizure? This is why you don’t snort Sudafed on an empty stomach.” --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Said men, "Wait. That's not all one thing?" (all the Yelp reviews are just actual yelps)

President Trump has reached a deal with Mexico to reduce the number of migrants at the southern border. "No more than three," said Trump when asked how many more migrants he plans on marrying. --Seth Meyers

According to reports, the HBO miniseries "Chernobyl," about the 1980s Soviet nuclear accident, has led to a rise in tourism to the abandoned radioactive city. And, so far, all the Yelp reviews are just actual yelps. --Seth Meyers

Lawmakers in New York have introduced legislation that would prohibit companies from charging different prices for similar men's and women's products, like shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. Said men, "Wait. That's not all one thing?" --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination
of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Please get out of the car! (Trump-friendly restaurants)

Tonight was part one of "The Bachelor" finale. People weren't sure if Colton would go with Hannah or Tayshia or maybe try to win back Cassie. I've got my own theories, but after explaining them, my Uber driver was like, "Sir, we've been at your destination for 10 minutes. Please get out of the car!" --Jimmy Fallon

A new app has come out similar to Yelp. The app helps Trump supporters find Trump-friendly restaurants. This way they won’t risk harassment when they go out to eat. The app’s slogan is, “Hope you like Arby’s.” No, it’s got a great selection of restaurants that any Trump supporter would enjoy. There’s Buffalo Far Right Wings, Five White Guys Burgers and Fries, and of course Cracker Barrel. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

an excuse for parents to shove their kid down a hill without Child Protective Services getting involved (Bond, James Bond)

First up, sledding. Hey, sledding, you combine my two favorite things -- having my legs broken and being at the bottom of a massive hill with broken legs. Let's be real. Sledding is just an excuse for parents to shove their kid down a hill without Child Protective Services getting involved. --Seth Meyers

Bethlehem innkeepers. Where do you get off turning away a pregnant woman? You're lucky Yelp wasn't around during the time of the Bible, or you would've been savaged. Also, you sent them to the manger?! Here is a tidbit of common decency. If you run an inn and a woman needs to give birth, maybe do better than the shack where your goats eat. It's disgusting, and that's coming from a guy whose wife gave birth in the lobby of a New York City apartment building. True story! --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

If Hillary becomes a big enough TV star, she might have a chance of becoming president (Thanks America for your tax contribution)

This fall, Hillary Clinton is going to guest star on an episode of "Madam Secretary." If she becomes a big enough TV star, she might have a chance of becoming president. --Jimmy Fallon

Yelp is going to start showing what restaurants scored on their health inspections. If you want to know how your favorite restaurant did, trust me, no you don't. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

five-star Yelp reviews that were 47 paragraphs long (infrastructure)

Two Papa John’s employees in Washington State were arrested this week for allegedly delivering cocaine in pizza boxes. Authorities became suspicious when Papa John’s started getting five-star Yelp reviews that were 47 paragraphs long. –Seth Meyers

The White House announced today that they’re kicking off “Infrastructure Week.” It’s like Shark Week, except American infrastructure might actually kill you. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

George W. Bush highlight reel (Wanna See It Again?)

This is a true story: For his secretary of defense, Donald Trump has chosen a retired Marine general whose nickname is Mad Dog. So sleep well, America! –Conan O’Brien

It’s been reported that President-elect Trump has chosen four-star Gen. James Mattis for secretary of defense. When Trump was told the general had four stars, he said, “Wow, that’s a great Yelp review.” –Conan O’Brien

Mitt Romney is being mocked by many Republicans for going to a fancy French dinner with Donald Trump. It’s also not helping that afterwards, Romney let Trump get to third base. –Conan O’Brien

The CEO of Starbucks announced he’s stepping down. He’s going to become the CEO of the Starbucks across the street. –Conan O’Brien