which means he now needs Cialis when he needs to wax off (the Master's Tools)

A highly infectious new Covid-19 strain from China has spread to the U.S. To prevent massive death people are advised to ignore Anthony Fauci. —Greg Gutfeld

Karate Kid Legends opens in theaters today and it features the original Karate Kid Daniel LaRusso, which means he now needs Cialis when he needs to wax off. —Greg Gutfeld

Sydney Sweeney is now selling bars of soap made out of her own bath water. This means now teenage boys will start swearing on purpose. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's like "Celebrity Apprentice,” but with even worse celebrities (and because I don't live in Toronto)

Donald Trump was in Macon, Georgia, this week. Again, he suggested that CNN should pay to get him to come to the next debate. He's treating the Republican primary like it's an entertainment show and he is the star — which, let's be honest, he is kind of exactly. It's like "Celebrity Apprentice,” but with even worse celebrities. –Jimmy Kimmel

"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford reiterated that he should be re-elected mayor of Toronto because he saves taxpayers money. I think he should be re-elected because he's hilarious and because I don't live in Toronto." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I heard at this one they’re going to have Clint Eastwood yell at a couch (The Master's House)

"Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan had a campaign event at an apple orchard. There was one awkward moment when they told the granny smiths they were considering cutting their Medicare." –Jimmy Fallon

"Today was the start of the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, N.C. They’re going all out to make sure it tops last week’s Republican convention. In fact, I heard at this one they’re going to have Clint Eastwood yell at a couch." –Jimmy Fallon

A reporter went through Hillary Clinton’s schedule while she was secretary of state and found that she and Bill were often away from each other, and sometimes even on different continents. When asked why they didn’t try to coordinate their schedules, Hillary said, “Oh, we did.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We need it for our bongs (The Master's Tools)

According to a new study, L.A. has the most or best road rage in the United States. We are number one road rage-wise. We have the unique ability to get blinded with fury on the way home from a yoga class here. –Jimmy Kimmel

Here in California, we are in the middle of a very serious drought. Our governor imposed permanent water conservation rules and said this drought might not ever end. Well, not with that attitude, it won't. Water is a precious resource in California. We need it for our bongs. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it's hard to take you seriously when your organization is called the World Clown Association (they couldn’t agree on who would get custody of LeBron)

Some big news here in California: The state’s Supreme Court just blocked an initiative asking people to vote on whether California should be split into three separate states. It’s no coincidence that this proposal came right after the state legalized weed. “Dude, what if California was like... three Californias?” Had it split, the three different states would have been known as Northern California, Southern California, and More Racist Arizona. They actually made the decision to suspend the vote when they couldn’t agree on who would get custody of LeBron. --James Corden

Is everyone excited for the Stephen King movie "It?" It's coming out this weekend. It's the one about the evil clown. Well, bad news. The World Clown Association has released a statement condemning the movie, saying that it's preventing clowns from getting work. I don't think I'm alone in saying it's hard to take you seriously when your organization is called the World Clown Association. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Don't Do It, Man (Eh, it's been done)

We want to send our best to Melania Trump, who’s doing well after having kidney surgery. When the doctor said she could go home in a few days, she was like, “Let’s not rush it.” --Jimmy Fallon

"The St. Louis Rams made history on Saturday by drafting Michael Sam, making him the first openly gay player in the NFL. Yep, an NFL player who's never been with a woman — or as Tim Tebow put it, 'Eh, it's been done.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Jay Z is working on a new album to tell his side of the story in response to Beyoncé’s "Lemonade." But before that, his friends are going to release their own song called "Don't Do It, Man." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house (Of course, my favorite, plan double-D/This factory is terrible)

Over the weekend, a man in Kentucky caught a 20-pound goldfish. The hard part will be flushing it down the toilet when it dies. Get the plunger. --Jimmy Fallon

But President Trump's got a lot going on. In the Oval Office today, he was asked if he had a backup plan if Venezuela's president doesn't step down. A reporter asked Trump, “If President Maduro stays in power, do you have a plan "B"?” Donald Trump, “I always have plan "B" and "C" and "D" and "E" and "F." Fallon as Trump, “We got Plan G. Preparation H. Of course, my favorite, plan double-D." --Jimmy Fallon

"Chinese President Xi Jinping is planning to make his first official state visit to the U.S. Although I'm worried it'll be a little awkward when he visits a school and says, 'This factory is terrible.'" –Jimmy Fallon

And tomorrow, Auntie Anne's is offering a special on heart-shaped pretzels. That's a great deal for all you hopeless romantics taking your dates to LaGuardia. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”