the Secret Service code name for Joe Biden (I'm on my way, said Bill Clinton)

On Monday night, a player nicknamed the Big Dumper won the Home Run Derby. Coincidentally, Big Dumper was the Secret Service code name for Joe Biden. —Greg Gutfeld

And finally, a strange new hole has appeared in Yellowstone National Park. Strange new hole. I'm on my way, said Bill Clinton. —Greg Gutfeld

Now, Trump just had the greatest start to a presidency in history. I haven't seen anything come out of the gate this fast since Joy Behar won the Kentucky Derby. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Do with less--so the rich have more? (he did bring enough for everyone)

This weekend was the Kentucky Derby with Nyquist coming in first, Exaggerator coming in second, and — this is crazy — Jeb coming in last. –Seth Meyers

Police in Philadelphia are investigating after a 5-year-old boy walked into his preschool class holding about two dozen vials of crack cocaine. In the kid's defense, he did bring enough for everyone. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

being governed by your inferiors (or, as that's also known, prom)

And get this -- I heard NBC is going to have four hours of coverage before the Kentucky Derby race. Yeah, four hours leading up to two exciting minutes, or, as that's also known, prom. --Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday on “Good Morning America,” Joe Biden said he is “confident” that Hillary Clinton will be the Democratic nominee. Then he said, “Of course, I also bet against the Mighty Ducks in all three movies, so what do I know?” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Everyone thought it was sweet, except for their other son (if you're looking for that perfect Mother's Day present, keep looking)

This weekend wasn't just about Cinco de Mayo and the Kentucky Derby. People also celebrated Star Wars Day, May the Fourth — May the Fourth Be With You. In Utah, a pair of twins were born and their parents named them Luke and Leia. Everyone thought it was sweet, except for their other son — Jar Jar. --Jimmy Fallon

And listen to this. I heard that you can actually buy a jar of manure from a winning Derby horse for $200. So if you're looking for that perfect Mother's Day present, keep looking. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

who had to sell both of his legs to a French guy (a descendant of Secretariat)

President Trump signed an executive order to end federal funding for PBS. Yep, it's a sad day for Kermit who had to sell both of his legs to a French guy. —Greg Gutfeld

In New York lawmakers are considering legalizing assisted suicide. Yeah, the bill offers everyone free rides on the subway. —Greg Gutfeld

Finally this weekend was the Kentucky Derby. And did you know that every horse in the derby was a descendant of Secretariat. True. And every panelist on The View is a descendant of Shamu. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Apparently, the dog was hit by a midnight train goin’ anywhere (two exciting minutes)

A member of the band Journey said “Don’t Stop Believing” was inspired by the time he borrowed money from his dad to pay his dog’s vet bill. Apparently, the dog was hit by a midnight train goin’ anywhere.  --Jimmy Fallon

And get this -- I heard NBC is going to have four hours of coverage before the Kentucky Derby race. Yeah, four hours leading up to two exciting minutes, or, as that's also known, prom. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So if you're looking for that perfect Mother's Day present, keep looking (You also won't find that staffer, either)

Yesterday, the State Department said that it can't find any emails belonging to Hillary Clinton's senior technology staffer from when Clinton was secretary of state. Then Hillary said (WIPES OFF HANDS), "You also won't find that staffer, either." –Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday on “Good Morning America,” Joe Biden said he is “confident” that Hillary Clinton will be the Democratic nominee. Then he said, “Of course, I also bet against the Mighty Ducks in all three movies, so what do I know?” –Jimmy Fallon

And listen to this. I heard that you can actually buy a jar of manure from a winning Derby horse for $200. So if you're looking for that perfect Mother's Day present, keep looking. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You also won't find that staffer, either (3,000 prostitutes moved in right across from Congress)

Yesterday, the State Department said that it can't find any emails belonging to Hillary Clinton's senior technology staffer from when Clinton was secretary of state. Then Hillary said (WIPES OFF HANDS), "You also won't find that staffer, either." –Jimmy Fallon

"Washington, D.C. has a new program that would pay residents $12,000 to move closer to their workplace. It's already a huge hit — in fact just today, 3,000 prostitutes moved in right across from Congress." –Jimmy Fallon

This weekend wasn't just about Cinco de Mayo and the Kentucky Derby. People also celebrated Star Wars Day, May the Fourth — May the Fourth Be With You. In Utah, a pair of twins were born and their parents named them Luke and Leia. Everyone thought it was sweet, except for their other son — Jar Jar. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Our entire business model (Jeb coming in last/Pity the Nation)

This weekend was the Kentucky Derby with Nyquist coming in first, Exaggerator coming in second, and — this is crazy — Jeb coming in last. –Seth Meyers

A wheelchair basketball game in Germany had to be called off this weekend after 60 fans attacked each other with knives and baseball bats. On the plus side, it sounds like they should have some more players for the next game. –Seth Meyers

A new study suggests that a chemical released when a person is hungry can lead to poor decision-making. It’s what Taco Bell calls “our entire business model.” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

So if you're looking for that perfect Mother's Day present, keep looking (His bail was set at 200 goats)

And listen to this. I heard that you can actually buy a jar of manure from a winning Kentucky Derby horse for $200. So if you're looking for that perfect Mother's Day present, keep looking. --Jimmy Fallon

"Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is in trouble. He was arrested this week for threatening to expose some sensitive government secrets. And you can tell it's serious. His bail was set at 200 goats." –Jimmy Fallon

And get this -- I heard NBC is going to have four hours of coverage before the Kentucky Derby race. Yeah, four hours leading up to two exciting minutes, or, as that's also known, prom. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Which shows there is literally nothing he can do to please the other 44 percent (Iran? get in line)

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo has canceled a trip to Greenland to return to Washington to deal with tensions with Iran. Iran? I didn't even know we were in tensions with Iran. All I knew was we were in the middle of a Constitutional crisis, a trade war with China is wreaking havoc on the stock market, North Korea is launching missiles, and all cable news is talking about is the freakin' royal baby. Iran? get in line. --Seth Meyers

This weekend was the Kentucky Derby with Nyquist coming in first, Exaggerator coming in second, and — this is crazy — Jeb coming in last. –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump announced today that if he wins the presidency, Chris Christie will lead his transition team and help put together the Trump administration. Because if there’s anything Christie knows how to do, it’s fill a cabinet. –Seth Meyers

"In the wake of the killing of Osama bin Laden President Obama's approval rating jumped to 56 percent, his highest in two years. Which shows there is literally nothing he can do to please the other 44 percent." –Seth Meyers

Today was National School Nurse Day, and if you want to know what they're getting, lice. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, the only way he'll be king is if the Kentucky Derby judges disqualify everyone else (His bail was set at 200 goats)

"Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is in trouble. He was arrested this week for threatening to expose some sensitive government secrets. And you can tell it's serious. His bail was set at 200 goats." –Jimmy Fallon

"On Saturday, Chris Christie tweeted that he had a colonoscopy just hours before he went to the White House Correspondents Dinner. Yeah, that's what you want to see at a dinner — Chris Christie after he wasn't able to eat for 24 hours." –Jimmy Fallon

I want to say congrats to Meghan Markle and Prince Harry. Today they welcomed a baby boy. The baby's doing great. Buckingham Palace says that he Brexited his mother early this morning. Weighed in at 3.2 kilograms. Americans heard that, and were like, "Yeah, we have no idea how much that is." They're like, "Kilograms? That 32 pounds? I have no idea." And get this. I read that the new baby is seventh in line for the throne. Yeah, the only way he'll be king is if the Kentucky Derby judges disqualify everyone else. --Jimmy Fallon

It's being reported that the Kardashians were frustrated when they were in Cuba because most Cubans have not seen their show, so they don't know why they're famous. As opposed to most Americans who have seen their show, and still don't know why they're famous. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Kentucky Derby 2022 (FULL RACE)

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

I have personally donated thousands of dollars to people who slide down poles for a living (Uh ... that was also rehab)

Hey, I want to say happy birthday to SpongeBob SquarePants, who just turned 20. You can tell he's getting old because, today, they changed his name to SpongeBob DadJeans. --Jimmy Fallon

And listen to this. I heard that you can actually buy a jar of manure from a winning Kentucky Derby horse for $200. So if you're looking for that perfect Mother's Day present, keep looking. --Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump was going crazy on Twitter because a big firefighters union decided to endorse Joe Biden instead of him. He's really upset with this union. He sent a tweet that said, "I've done more for firefighters than this dues-sucking union will ever do." Then he added, "I have personally donated thousands of dollars to people who slide down poles for a living." --Jimmy Fallon

"Yeah, Rob Ford said he likes rehab because it reminds him of the football camp he went to as a kid. Then his parents were like, 'Uh ... that was also rehab.'" –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Did someone lose the public trust after decades of selling lies for the ruling class? (just for show)

February 2022

Donald Trump praised Vladimir Putin moving troops into Ukraine saying, ‘This is genius.’ Though, ‘this is genius’ is also how he sarcastically introduces Eric. —Colin Jost

It was reported that Buckingham Palace staff have been mocking Prince Andrew with a nursery rhyme. Said Prince Andrew, ‘Oh, nursery.’ —Colin Jost

Officials have posthumously stripped Medina Spirit of his 2021 Kentucky Derby victory for failing a post race drug test. And I just want to say to Medina Spirit, I hope it’s hot in horse hell, you cheating bastard! —Colin Jost

Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson seen here getting tired of Y’all’s Foolishness, was nominated by President Biden to become the first black woman on the Supreme Court. —Michael Che

Biden chose Jackson after interviewing three finalists this week. Weird, ‘I thought interviewing black candidates was just for show,’ said the NFL. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

or as it’s called on the street, ‘the devil’s oats' (this sounds more like a you problem)

May 2021

“Medina Spirit tested positive for elevated levels of Betamethasone, or as it’s called on the street, ‘the devil’s oats,’ ‘happy apples,’ ‘horse horse.’” —Stephen Colbert

“When he heard that, the horse is like, ‘Hey, you said that needle was the third Pfizer vaccine.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Race organizers became suspicious when the horse kept telling people about his screenplay, and then going, ‘God, don’t you just want to dance?’” —James Corden

“And the horse claimed it was just holding it for a friend.” —Stephen Colbert

“Right now the horse is thinking, ‘As long as I’m being put out to stud, this sounds more like a you problem.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“As if things weren’t bad enough for Medina Spirit, a photo just surfaced of him partying with Jeffrey Epstein.” —Jimmy Fallon 

“Yeah, his racing days may be over, but on the bright side, he just joined the Russian gymnastics team.” —Jimmy Fallon

“This is the most high-profile animal drug scandal since the winner of last year’s Westminster dog show, Heisenberg.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It wants to do what horses want to do: D.J. (Does he think the horse tested positive for Antifa?)

May 2021

“This year’s Kentucky Derby-winning horse, Medina Spirit, tested positive for steroids over the weekend. Donald Trump took to his blog to weigh in with a statement in which he referred to the horse as a ‘junkie.’ What is he talking about? Does he think the horse tested positive for Antifa?” —Jimmy Kimmel

“And honestly, if he’s going to start picking fights with horses, we should let him back on Twitter, because I want to see that.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“I just can’t stop laughing at the image of Trump at his desk writing about his thoughts about a horse by hand.” —Jimmy Fallon

“It is weird, though, to put this on the horse, right? I mean it’s not like the horse wants to take drugs or train all day or race around the track getting slapped on the ass — it’s a horse. It wants to do what horses want to do: D.J.” —Trevor Noah

“Yo, guys, I still can’t believe this guy was president. I mean this man is a legend. What other ex-president spends their time roasting horses?” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey Girl, I Hear You Like Revolutions (I’ve decided not to run the Kentucky Derby this year)

“Senator Michael Bennet of Colorado had less than 1 percent and he’s dropping out. Michael Bennet saying he’s dropped out of the race is like me saying I’ve decided not to run the Kentucky Derby this year.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“This is interesting: Amy Klobuchar's rise in the polls is being called ‘klomentum.’ That’s right. Yeah, and Joe Biden’s campaign is called ‘pretty much klover.’” —Conan O’Brien

“Look, I’m excited to vote for whoever ends up being the nominee, even if they are the future subject of a biopic called ‘The Devil Wears Kohl’s.’” —Samantha Bee

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Honestly, I thought he was already in jail (Why, are you going to run them?)

I want to say congrats to Meghan Markle and Prince Harry. Today they welcomed a baby boy. The baby's doing great. Buckingham Palace says that he Brexited his mother early this morning. Weighed in at 3.2 kilograms. Americans heard that, were like, "Yeah, we have no idea how much that is." They're like, "Kilograms? That 32 pounds? I have no idea." And get this. I read that the new baby is seventh in line for the throne. Yeah, the only way he'll be king is if the Kentucky Derby judges disqualify everyone else. --Jimmy Fallon

President Trump held an impromptu press conference today and said he was very surprised that his son Don Jr. has been subpoenaed by the Senate, adding, "Honestly, I thought he was already in jail." --Seth Meyers

At a campaign rally in Florida last night, President Trump predicted that news outlets will be out of business once he leaves office. Why, are you going to run them? --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”