who had to sell both of his legs to a French guy (a descendant of Secretariat)

President Trump signed an executive order to end federal funding for PBS. Yep, it's a sad day for Kermit who had to sell both of his legs to a French guy. —Greg Gutfeld

In New York lawmakers are considering legalizing assisted suicide. Yeah, the bill offers everyone free rides on the subway. —Greg Gutfeld

Finally this weekend was the Kentucky Derby. And did you know that every horse in the derby was a descendant of Secretariat. True. And every panelist on The View is a descendant of Shamu. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well now we'll know how his toilet feels (In their defense they got a discount using the promo code MS13)

 JB Pritzker is now calling for mass protests and disruption. Vowing that Republicans cannot know a moment of peace. Well now we'll know how his toilet feels. —Greg Gutfeld

According to the Daily Caller the four Democrats who went to an El Salvador prison to visit alleged gang member Kilmar Abrego Garcia stayed in a luxury hotel. In their defense they got a discount using the promo code MS13. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

I don't even bother to take them out of my g-string after a show (How about we vote on it?)

Federal inspectors announced they recalled nearly 23,000 pounds of cheddar bratwurst. But it was an easy recall because it was all in JB Pritzker’s fridge. —Greg Gutfeld 

So how about those ‘hands off’ protests? Cute title right. It sounds like something written on Joy Behar's lunchbox at work. —Greg Gutfeld

Doge was designed to actually help the people who are protesting. Doge's actual goal preventing a full-blown economic collapse, the kind where the US dollar becomes so worthless I don't even bother to take them out of my g-string after a show. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In fact he’s had to take a second shift at the Keebler factory (two people didn't want to miss work)

The DNC has assembled a group of so-called experts to fight Trump's agenda calling it the people's cabinet. 4 foot 11 inch Robert Reich is a member, because he could fit in the cabinet. Reich said Trump's policies will devastate the job market. In fact he’s had to take a second shift at the Keebler factory. —Greg Gutfeld

Protests were held nationwide this weekend against Doge, Trump and Musk. They held it on the weekend because two people didn't want to miss work. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

their hands were counting money and their mouths were full of chocolate (lesser evil voting is killing America)

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie revealed that he underwent a surgery that restricts the amount of food he can consume. As a result, 12 animals have been removed from the endangered species list." –Conan O'Brien

"A U.N. study claims the happiest country in the world is Switzerland. When asked why they're so happy, Swiss people couldn't answer because their hands were counting money and their mouths were full of chocolate." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m just happy that he’s not sending military aid somewhere (stop knocking on my dressing room door)

President Biden said that the National Guard should not be called in to deal with campus protests. I’m just happy that he’s not sending military aid somewhere. —Michael Che

May is National Masturbation Month, so stop knocking on my dressing room door. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He is an inspiration to everyone who takes six years to graduate (90 seconds)

 

"A heat wave is gripping the entire country. This week scientists in Boulder, Colorado, installed what they call 'an early warning system to detect global warming.' The scientists say that they call their global warming detection device a 'thermometer.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Earlier today, Governor Sarah Palin held a meeting with several leaders from other countries to showcase her foreign policy expertise. That's right, yeah. Experts say the meeting took 90 seconds." --Conan O'Brien

 

"President Bush gave the commencement address at the Merchant Marine Academy. While he was there a cadet, who took six years to graduate, surprised President Bush by giving him a bear hug. When asked about it, the cadet said, 'President Bush is an inspiration to everyone who takes six years to graduate.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Jimmy Dore: French Protesters STORM BlackRock’s Paris Headquarters!

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

And just to mess with Trump, Mexico agreed to pay for it (Pink Floyd did an entire album about me)

I saw that Donald Trump himself is selling inauguration sweatshirts for $79. I know it sounds expensive for a sweatshirt, but just imagine how much they would have cost if they were made in America. –Jimmy Fallon

Finally, this is interesting. Denmark is building a 43-mile-long fence along its border with Germany to keep out wild pigs. And just to mess with Trump, Mexico agreed to pay for it. --Jimmy Fallon

President Trump signed executive orders to continue construction on the controversial Keystone and Dakota Access oil pipelines. I guess he hasn’t seen a massive protest since Saturday and kinda misses it. –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump was like, big deal -- Pink Floyd did an entire album about me called "The Wall," and I made them pay for it. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which is, coincidentally, what you’d have to pay me to go to Tampa (Nah, the game needs me)

March 2022

“So with this move, Tom Brady has officially, officially, officially confirmed himself as the greatest of all time, because you see, this move right here is what all the greatest do — they retire, and they come right back. Yeah, Michael Jordan did it. Jay-Z did it. And the greatest of all time, Jesus. Yeah, that guy retired from life for three days before he was like, ‘Nah, the game needs me.’” —Trevor Noah

“Also some people are just not made for the retired life, especially Tom Brady. Think about it: For 22 years, he’s had men the size of little trucks trying to tackle him. That’s adrenaline. Yeah, can you imagine how boring his home life is right now. Even hiring his own commentators probably didn’t help.” —Trevor Noah

“Of course, my dear friend Tom Brady’s not just returning for the love of the game. He’s also set to make $25 million next season, which is, coincidentally, what you’d have to pay me to go to Tampa.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they wouldn't give the Pope his security deposit back (a great place to pretend you were born in)

February 2013

"According to a new study, Hawaii is the happiest place in America to live. And I thought it was just a great place to pretend you were born in." –Craig Ferguson

"Pope Benedict is officially retired. Apparently there was some last-minute tension at the Vatican because they wouldn't give the Pope his security deposit back. " –Craig Ferguson

"He left glue on the walls from his Def Leppard posters." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”