As you can imagine, that came as quite a shock to Beyoncé (Unfortunately, she voted for Woodrow Wilson)

Foreign policy experts say that the president of China is now the world’s most powerful person. As you can imagine, that came as quite a shock to Beyoncé. –Conan O’Brien

"In the midterm elections, a 102-year-old woman voted for the first time in a U.S. election. Unfortunately, she voted for Woodrow Wilson." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Look, the pinata is singing (yeah, that's our entire plan)

"In the midterm elections, a 102-year-old woman voted for the first time in a U.S. election. Unfortunately, she voted for Woodrow Wilson." –Conan O'Brien

"This week, footage surfaced of Senator Ted Kennedy singing in Spanish to a Latino group. Yeah, there was an awkward moment when someone in the crowd pointed at Kennedy's head and said, 'Look, the pinata is singing.'" --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush said that when it comes to hurricane preparedness, step number one is to, quote, 'pray that there's no hurricanes.' Later President Bush admitted, yeah, that's our entire plan." --Conan O'Brien

"In Montana, a math teacher is running for the Senate. Win or lose, she plans on demanding a recount because math is fun." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, the only way he'll be king is if the Kentucky Derby judges disqualify everyone else (His bail was set at 200 goats)

"Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is in trouble. He was arrested this week for threatening to expose some sensitive government secrets. And you can tell it's serious. His bail was set at 200 goats." –Jimmy Fallon

"On Saturday, Chris Christie tweeted that he had a colonoscopy just hours before he went to the White House Correspondents Dinner. Yeah, that's what you want to see at a dinner — Chris Christie after he wasn't able to eat for 24 hours." –Jimmy Fallon

I want to say congrats to Meghan Markle and Prince Harry. Today they welcomed a baby boy. The baby's doing great. Buckingham Palace says that he Brexited his mother early this morning. Weighed in at 3.2 kilograms. Americans heard that, and were like, "Yeah, we have no idea how much that is." They're like, "Kilograms? That 32 pounds? I have no idea." And get this. I read that the new baby is seventh in line for the throne. Yeah, the only way he'll be king is if the Kentucky Derby judges disqualify everyone else. --Jimmy Fallon

It's being reported that the Kardashians were frustrated when they were in Cuba because most Cubans have not seen their show, so they don't know why they're famous. As opposed to most Americans who have seen their show, and still don't know why they're famous. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You probably think I’m joking, but go ahead and Google that (Please tell me that's a ghost)

“Well, even during the height of the 1918 flu pandemic, the United States allowed more than 110,000 immigrants to enter the country. So, Donald Trump is more xenophobic than Woodrow Wilson, and Wilson's campaign slogan was ‘Let’s punch an Italian.’” — Stephen Colbert

“Last night the world was rocked by reports that Kim Jong-un, supreme leader and man who cut his own hair before quarantine, may be gravely ill after secretly undergoing heart surgery. This was major news. I didn’t know Kim Jong-un had a heart — crazy.” — Trevor Noah

“This gives you a sense of how things are going at the White House: the president’s own coronavirus task force – members of his own team – are reportedly actively ignoring him now. They say the vice-poodle, Mike Pence, won’t even sniff his butt. It doesn’t make any sense. Why would they ignore a president who has so many great ideas? Remember when he wanted to nuke the hurricane? You probably think I’m joking, but go ahead and Google that.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He had blood on his hands/giant foam fingers/everything tasted like sh*t

“Aside from the million or so people at his funeral yesterday, everyone else agrees that Suleimani was a bad guy responsible for death and destruction around the world. But as bad as Suleimani was, not everyone agrees that killing him like this was a good idea, the same way things only got worse when America got rid of Saddam Hussein, or when America got rid of Muammar Gaddafi, or when America got rid of gluten – because I don’t know what it actually is, all I know is once it was gone, everything tasted like shit.” —Trevor Noah

“On Tuesday morning, it was reported that a top Iranian official revealed the country has drawn up 13 potential retaliation scenarios, also known as an Ayatollah’s dozen. Trump, meanwhile, had been tweeting threats against Iran since the Suleimani killing, including ones directed at Iranian cultural sites. He walked back those comments in a press conference Tuesday, saying he wouldn’t bomb cultural sites because ‘I like to obey the law.’ [As Trump] I like to obey the law, just ask Paul Manafort or Michael Cohen. If they ever get out of federal prison, they will vouch for me.” —Stephen Colbert

“Iran is promising to launch a retaliatory missile strike against US troops in Iraq. Our prayers are with the troops and our allies, but this is when it becomes particularly preposterous that our president is Donald Trump. We might be at war, and this guy – you know what he’s busy with? He’s bragging, Trump did and interview this week on Rush Limbaugh’s radio show in which he claimed to have wiped out Isis (false) and been the number one on Facebook (also false). All he cares about is being number one. Our country is being run by the human equivalent of one of those giant foam fingers you see at college football games.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Woodrow Wilson doesn't work here anymore (That's 23 with the wind chill)

"Things are not going well with the Bush administration.  George Bush's approval rating is now 34 percent. 34. Unbelievable. That's 23 with the wind chill." --David Letterman

David Letterman's "Top Ten Things Overheard During The Republicans' First Day In Charge Of The House"

10. "Mr. Boehner, please stop crying."

9. "How do we blame this dead bird thing on Obama?"

8. "I think he was just sworn in on a copy of Snooki's new book."

7. "Beer me!"

6. "Alright, you've had six hours, is the economy fixed?"

5. "Speaker Boehner, please stop blowing your nose" 4. "When is vacation?"

3. "No, Sen. McCain, Woodrow Wilson doesn't work here anymore."

2. "When do we get to sleep with the pages?"

1. "How soon can we go back to invading countries for oil?"

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Don't you hate that, when you're in a big, giggling pig-pile of dudes and people try to make it into something gay? (the funniest part of our day)

"This week was dominated by Congressman Eric Massa, the amazing groping, tickling, snorkeling congressman. America was shocked to learn there is another closeted gay congressman and he's not a Republican." –Bill Maher

"Eric Massa went on Glenn Beck and told about his 50th birthday party, with all men, and they got into a big tickle fight. You know, like guys do. Don't you hate that, when you're in a big, giggling pig-pile of dudes and people try to make it into something gay?" –Bill Maher

"New Rule: Glenn Beck has to stop being so hard on himself. After his Eric Massa interview, Beck said, 'I think this is the first time I have wasted an hour of your time.' Oh Glenn, that's so not true. First of all, we never make it through the hour. But when we flip by your show and you're standing on your desk, dressed in lederhosen and holding back tears, etching something about Woodrow Wilson on your crazy board, believe me those two minutes aren't wasted. They're the funniest part of our day." –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”   

75% think President Wilson was a volleyball (Trump lasted longer with Stormy Daniels)

But it was a great game for the Yankees. They won 7-2. The post-game locker room was nuts. The whole team drank almost as much as Brett Kavanaugh. --Jimmy Fallon

Speaking of the Supreme Court nominee, the FBI finished its report on Kavanaugh this morning and delivered to the U.S. Capitol at 4:00 a.m. And this is crazy -- the delivery guy actually passed Kavanaugh stumbling home from the bar. --Jimmy Fallon

I'm not saying the FBI investigation on Kavanaugh was short, but Trump lasted longer with Stormy Daniels. --Jimmy Fallon

A new poll found that 12% of Americans think Dwight D. Eisenhower commanded troops in the Civil War. Even worse, 75% think President Wilson was a volleyball. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Larry King sent a huge check to President Woodrow Wilson (a chilling window into his personal hell)

"Hillary Clinton has a new campaign ad that  spoofs 'The Sopranos' finale. In the ad, she orders carrot sticks at a diner, then switches the jukebox to a Celine Dion song. Hillary's calling the ad a lot of fun, and Bill is calling it a chilling window into his personal hell." --Conan O'Brien

"A new report that just came out suggests that television journalists are biased because 90% of the money they donate to politicians goes to Democrats. Apparently it's true, because earlier today, Larry King sent a huge check to President Woodrow Wilson." --Conan O'Brien

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-

collected-poems-1985-2015.html

No wonder Obama is so unpopular

"Take a look at this: gas under $3 a gallon – under $3 a gallon. Unemployment under 6%, whoever thought? Stock market breaking records every day. No wonder Obama is so unpopular." –David Letterman



"Today is the midterm elections. The Washington Post is predicting that there's a 98 percent chance of the Republicans taking the Senate and The New York Times says there's a 75 percent chance. And CNN said, 'Wait, that's today?'" –Jimmy Fallon



"In the midterm elections, a 102-year-old woman voted for the first time in a U.S. election. Unfortunately, she voted for Woodrow Wilson." –Conan O'Brien