Suddenly those drug cartels don't seem so greedy anymore, do they? (the margin of error was five)

"The countdown is now under way for what a lot of people are calling, the wedding of the year — on July 31 Chelsea Clinton is getting married. Bill and Hillary are thrilled; they say they don't care who the groom is as long as it's not Levi Johnston." –Jay Leno

"In a new ranking of U.S. presidents by 65 historians, President Bush came in fifth from the bottom. And here's the bad part -- the margin of error was five." --Jay Leno

"Now that marijuana is legal in the state of Colorado, in Denver they're talking about taxing it up to 35 percent. Suddenly those drug cartels don't seem so greedy anymore, do they?" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

then maybe walk around the neighborhood till you calm down (two bonus minutes)

It started with Trump’s plan to turn the air traffic control functions of the FAA into a nonprofit corporation. Although, to be fair, any company Trump runs is eventually nonprofit. –Stephen Colbert

If you remember a few weeks ago the democrats proposed a $1 Trillion infrastructure deal, and Trump said, “Why not $2 Trillion?” So they said Okay. Today was just supposed to be hammering out the details, but it didn’t work out that way. Trump walked in, didn’t shake anyone’s hand or take a seat, and left before anyone else could speak. All told, it was over in three minutes. According to Stormy Daniels that’s two bonus minutes. --Stephen Colbert

This week Denver became the first city to decriminalize hallucinogenic mushrooms. This is going to change their whole approach to tourism. “Denver: Come stare at the wood grain on the door, then maybe walk around the neighborhood till you calm down.” --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's just like the regular marathon but half as stupid (first class)

After an American Airlines plane caught fire in Denver passengers were forced to stand on the wing, or as Spirit Airlines calls it, first class. —Greg Gutfeld

On Sunday the New York City Half Marathon is set to take place. It's just like the regular New York City marathon but half as stupid. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

all $14 million must be in the form of crumpled 20’s (picket lines)

Attorney General Pam Bondi accused the FBI of hiding thousands of Epstein documents. The FBI put them in a place no one would look. Joy Behar’s back fat. —Greg Gutfeld

Two Denver strip clubs were ordered to pay nearly $14 million for wage theft. Not only that, all $14 million must be in the form of crumpled 20’s. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A complex world demands complex hair (In other words, about the same as English)

"The White House said that President Bush actually can speak Spanish, but not very well. In other words, about the same as English." --David Letterman

"Yeah, the Democratic Convention is in Denver, and security is tight out there, it is very tight, it's tighter than Nancy Pelosi's face." --David Letterman

"Donald Trump has a great campaign slogan: 'A complex world demands complex hair.'" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow, that is the worst thing ever to happen to Titanic (maybe walk around the neighborhood till you calm down)

Avengers: Endgame just beat the $2.12 Billion box office record set by Titanic. Wow, that is the worst thing ever to happen to Titanic. --Stephen Colbert

The information is so sensitive, the article can’t describe in detail what was shared, but one official said, “This is code-word information.” ”Code word” means the vital aspects of the story have to be replaced with other words. You have to say things like, “The package has been delivered.” “The squirrel is in the basket.” ”The idiot is in the Oval.” –Stephen Colbert

This week Denver became the first city to decriminalize hallucinogenic mushrooms. This is going to change their whole approach to tourism. “Denver: Come stare at the wood grain on the door, then maybe walk around the neighborhood till you calm down.” --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's like Johnny Depp telling you you're wearing too many scarves (we can assume it wasn’t confession)

"This weekend over 37,000 people went to Denver to participate in the 4th annual Cannabis Cup. And they all made memories that would last a few minutes." –Seth Meyers

President Trump and Pope Francis today had a 30-minute long meeting in the Pope’s private study. We don’t know what they talked about, but since it was only 30 minutes, we can assume it wasn’t confession. –Seth Meyers

"The NRA is accusing a Texas gun rights group of going too far after the group posted YouTube videos of their members walking into restaurants with semi-automatic rifles. The NRA saying you've gone too far is like Johnny Depp telling you you're wearing too many scarves." –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I wouldn't last an hour if I had to answer the phone here (Forget my first term. I was on crack)

April 2014

"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is running for re-election, and he's got a catchy campaign slogan: 'Forget my first term. I was on crack.'" –David Letterman

"Vladimir Putin said he thinks that President Obama would save him if he were drowning. Then President Obama said, 'There's only one way to find out.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"This weekend over 37,000 people went to Denver to participate in the 4th annual Cannabis Cup. And they all made memories that would last a few minutes." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If that doesn't put Obama over the top with the Joe Six-pack crowd, nothing will, huh? (fresh ground-pepper spray)

"I don't want to say the Republicans are trying to distance themselves from President Bush, but did you see last night? Did you see when Bush was speaking by satellite they kept trying to change the channel?" --Jay Leno

"At one point this week, police in Denver had a showdown with over 300 protesters, and ended up pepper spraying them. And since, of course, it was Denver and they were Democrats, it was only fresh ground-pepper spray." --Jay Leno

"Boy George has released a new song that is inspired by Barack Obama. It's called 'Yes We Can,' by Boy George. If that doesn't put Obama over the top with the Joe Six-pack crowd, nothing will, huh?" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow, that is the worst thing ever to happen to Titanic (This is going to change their whole approach to tourism)

This week Denver became the first city to decriminalize hallucinogenic mushrooms. This is going to change their whole approach to tourism. “Denver: Come stare at the wood grain on the door, then maybe walk around the neighborhood till you calm down.” --Stephen Colbert

Avengers: Endgame just beat the $2.12 Billion box office record set by Titanic. Wow, that is the worst thing ever to happen to Titanic. --Stephen Colbert

Of course, when it comes to Donald Trump, there are so many other things that are not happening. For instance, he hasn't picked a running mate, but rumors say he's considering Newt Gingrich. Yes, between them, they've had six wives. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So get ready for the craziest St. Patrick’s Day in the history of the world (higher than the people of Denver)

January 2022

“Speaking of breaking records, thanks to Omicron, the seven-day average for newly reported cases in the U.S. topped 700,000. Seven hundred thousand! That’s the population of Denver, and you know you’re in trouble when you’re higher than the people of Denver.” —Stephen Colbert

“But Omicron could be over by Groundhog Day, which would be just in time because scientists in Cyprus have found 25 cases of a strain of the coronavirus that they say combines elements of the Delta and Omicron variants, that they’re calling ‘Deltacron.’ Deltacron, also the name of the disappointing Transformer who turns into a delayed flight for Atlanta.” —Stephen Colbert

“Scientists are currently disputing a new study that claims to have discovered a so-called Deltacron strain of the coronavirus. It combines the Delta and Omicron variants, and the only thing that can stop it is the Pfizerna vaccine.” —Seth Meyers

“Well, guys, today, the C.E.O. of Pfizer said that its vaccine for the Omicron variant will be ready in March. So get ready for the craziest St. Patrick’s Day in the history of the world.” —Jimmy Fallon

“It feels like this March Madness, we’ll be filling out brackets to predict which of the 68 variants will become the dominant strain.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

it ain’t over ’til the fat lady screams crazy right-wing talking points (Can you please speed this thing up?)

“In Denver, Colorado, there was a standoff between protesters and an angry health care worker. Well, you know what they say: it ain’t over ’til the fat lady screams crazy right-wing talking points at a medical professional who’s trying to save her family’s lives.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“I’m starting to think these characters who support Trump might be suicidal. They seem to fight hardest for the things that will kill them. They want freedom to gather in large groups during an epidemic, they want guns, they want pollution. I figured it out — they want to die and they’re taking us down with them. It’s like if the Titanic was headed towards the iceberg, and half of the passengers were like, ‘Can you please speed this thing up?’” — Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Look at me for instance. I’m horrible, and I’m only getting worse (that is the worst thing ever to happen to Titanic)

This week Denver became the first city to decriminalize hallucinogenic mushrooms. This is going to change their whole approach to tourism. “Denver: Come stare at the wood grain on the door, then maybe walk around the neighborhood till you calm down.” --Stephen Colbert

Avengers: Endgame just beat the $2.12 Billion box office record set by Titanic. Wow, that is the worst thing ever to happen to Titanic. --Stephen Colbert

President Trump reached back into history to prove why walls work, tweeting “Throughout the ages some things never get better and never change.” Colbert as Trump, “Look at me for instance. I’m horrible, and I’m only getting worse.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

a 30 foot tall rainbow dragon that totally has your dad’s face (it is going to make for an interesting prom)

A school in a small village in the French Alps recently experienced a decrease in class size. So in order to avoid a school closure, a local farmer enrolled, and we are not making this up,  fifteen of his sheep in the school. Which, let’s be honest, is going to make for an interesting prom. --James Corden

After a very close vote, the city of Denver, Colorado, just became the first city in the nation to decriminalize hallucinogenic mushrooms. The announcement was made by Denver’s mayor, a 30 foot tall rainbow dragon that totally has your dad’s face. --James Corden

Congress might not impeach President Trump. But they may pass a law that says any building that Trump has built and will ever build, his name can only appear in TEENY TINY letters. --John Hulse

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Denver could become the first city in America to decriminalize magic mushrooms (Let's go Mets!)

We're at a weird point where Trump is basically the last guy who wants a wall. I mean, it's fun to chant "Build the wall," but they didn't expect it to happen any more than they expected Trump to actually lock her up. If you go to a Mets game, you chant "Let's go Mets," but you don't really expect them to go. --Seth Meyers

In a tweet today, Trump talked about forest fires. But he spelled the word "forest" wrong twice. He spelled it “forrest”. I guess you can add spellcheck to the list of things that are shut down. --Jimmy Fallon

You guys hear this? Amazon founder, Jeff Bezos and his wife are splitting up. But on the bright side, he has a lot of extra boxes to pack his things up. --Jimmy Fallon

And finally, I heard that Denver could become the first city in America to decriminalize magic mushrooms. They're the first ones to realize that the only way Americans will eat vegetables is if they're also drugs. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

They've upgraded his condition from 'grave' to 'serious but hilarious' (they are afraid President Bush will know where it is and will show up)

"Democrats have announced that their 2008 presidential convention will be held in Denver. You know, it's interesting that the Republicans haven't made a big deal about where their 2008 convention will be. They are keeping it very low key because they are afraid President Bush will know where it is and will show up." --Jay Leno

"Fidel Castro, the Cuban President who has been hospitalized since July, has been the subject of several conflicting medical reports regarding his physical condition. CNN reported the reason Castro's health has taken such a downturn was his decision to have a very risky operation to have doctors implant him with -- and this is true -- an artificial anus. They've upgraded his condition from 'grave' to 'serious but hilarious.'" --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Bush has lowered the bar so tremendously (the same team that works on Nancy Pelosi)

     

"And then tonight, Barack Obama speaks to the convention, and they moved it to the stadium there in Denver. They’re getting, like, 75,000 people. And I'm telling you, the construction crew has been working around the clock, painting the stadium, scrubbing the stadium, plastering. It's the same team that works on Nancy Pelosi." --David Letterman

     

"Because of Sarah Palin, people are now asking the question: is she ready to be president? Is Sarah Palin ready to be president? If, God forbid, something happens to John McCain, is Sarah Palin ready to be president? I don't think we need to worry about that, because Bush has lowered the bar so tremendously." --David Letterman

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

For example, the Superdome during Hurricane Katrina (filling stadiums)

Well, there was a rumor that McCain might pick former eBay C.E.O. Meg Whitman as his running mate. That makes sense. You know, she’s an expert at selling Americans really old stuff." --Jay Leno

"And archaeologists are now saying that based on the latest findings, Neanderthals are a lot smarter than they previously gave them credit for. Today, President Bush asked these same researchers to analyze his Presidency." --Jay Leno

"Thirty-eight million people watched Barack Obama at the stadium in Denver. There were 84,000 full-throated supporters who turned out there at the field. The Republicans fired back today. They say, 'We can also fill a stadium with thousands of screaming people. For example, the Superdome during Hurricane Katrina.'" –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

they didn’t want anyone getting drunk and accidentally sleeping with John Edwards (fresh ground-pepper spray)

"At one point this week, police in Denver had a showdown with over 300 protesters, ended up pepper spraying them. And since, of course, it was Denver and they were Democrats, it was only fresh ground-pepper spray." --Jay Leno

"Well, according to The New York Post, delegates at the Democratic convention received information packets with three separate warnings not to drink too much, because they say alcohol has a much stronger effect in higher altitudes. I guess they didn’t want anyone getting drunk and accidentally sleeping with John Edwards again." --Jay Leno

"John Edwards was not at the convention, actually. But, like his marriage, he was there in spirit." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

It's the same team that works on Nancy Pelosi (shredded Clinton subpoenas)

"I don’t know if you are aware of this or not, but this Democratic convention, they’re trying to be environmentally friendly. Even the confetti that they drop, that’s actually shredded Clinton subpoenas." --David Letterman

"And then tonight, Barack Obama speaks to the convention, and they moved it to the stadium there in Denver. They’re getting, like, 75,000 people. And I’m telling you, the construction crew has been working around the clock, painting the stadium, scrubbing the stadium, plastering. It's the same team that works on Nancy Pelosi." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535