Now for $20K they'll destroy the picture (two crash test dummies refused to get in the car)

"I don't want to say that President Bush's approval rating is low but the Republican party has a special offer now for any donor who paid $10K in the past to have their picture taken with President Bush. Now for $20K they'll destroy the picture." --Jay Leno

"Toyota is recalling 2.3 million cars because of two problems — unintended acceleration and possible brake problems. Things are not looking good for Toyota. In fact, today, two crash test dummies refused to get in the car." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I am never gonna hear the end of this (No regrets)

"You guys hear about what's going on with Toyota? This is crazy.

It's like, their job is to make cars, right? Well, they had a problem

with gas pedals getting stuck — now, they're recalling the Prius

because the brakes don't work. And because of this, sales of

Ford cars and trucks rose 25 percent in the past month. But

Ford says it's because of its new ad slogan, 'Ford, because

Toyota is trying to kill you.'" –Jimmy Fallon (2010)

A woman in Australia just gave birth to a 12-pound baby without any pain meds. Her doctor said, "You were amazing," while the baby was like, "I am never gonna hear the end of this." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you wonder why he's waiting, it's because it takes him that long to gather a crowd (isn't that called New Jersey?)

"What's the difference between Lindsay Lohan and Rick Perry? It only takes Lindsay four and a half hours to finish a sentence." –Jay Leno

"More problems with the auto industry. General Motors announced a recall of 1.3 million cars because of a steering problem. Apparently, the cars are unable to steer out of the path of oncoming Toyotas." –Jay Leno

"Newt Gingrich is going to announce next week that he is dropping out of the presidential race. If you wonder why he's waiting, it's because it takes him that long to gather a crowd." –Jay Leno

"An oil slick the size of Rhode Island is making its way across the Gulf of Mexico. An oil slick the size of Rhode Island — isn't that called New Jersey?" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I believe it’s Easy Street, if I’m not mistaken (he and his gang controlled their hood's hedge fund)

“It was a bad night for Newt Gingrich. In terms that Newt can understand, I think the voters told him they want to start seeing other candidates.” –Jay Leno

“In fact, when Mitt Romney was young, he and his gang controlled their hood's hedge fund.” –Jay Leno

“But, Romney says he is not a creature of Washington. He has lived in the real streets of America. I believe it’s Easy Street, if I’m not mistaken.” –Jay Leno

“Gas prices are so high that Mitt Romney's wife can only afford to drive one Cadillac.” –Jay Leno

"Keanu Reeves will star in 'Speed 3.' The first 'Speed' was about a runaway bus, the second was about a boat, and the third one is going to be about a Toyota." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They just closed their eyes and listened to Morgan Freeman read the appetizers (Join the club)

Donald Trump's plane made an emergency landing in Nashville yesterday after reporting engine problems. When asked what the issue was, the pilot said, "Nothing, I just couldn't take it anymore.” –Jimmy Fallon

President Obama was spotted at a steak restaurant in D.C. This week with Morgan Freeman and Tom Hanks. They didn't even order anything. They just closed their eyes and listened to Morgan Freeman read the appetizers. –Jimmy Fallon

Over the weekend, a man in Kentucky caught a 20-pound goldfish. The hard part will be flushing it down the toilet when it dies. Get the plunger. --Jimmy Fallon

"The entire East Coast is covered with snow banks and snow drifts, or as Toyota drivers call them — 'cushions.'" –Jimmy Fallon

While Donald Trump was speaking at a rally in Atlanta, the lights suddenly went out and Trump said he actually liked it more in the dark. Then Melania Trump said, “Join the club.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know you’re doing something wrong when you’re getting cyber bullied by the Pope (Long story short...)

One of the big stories everyone’s talking about is the immigration debate. Pope Francis has actually been tweeting Bible references that oppose President Trump’s travel ban. You know you’re doing something wrong when you’re getting cyber bullied by the Pope. –Jimmy Fallon

"Michelle Obama said that childhood obesity impacts national security because obesity is a common disqualifier for military service. That's great info for moms. 'Honey, you have two choices. You can eat that doughnut and play video games or you can eat this salad and go to Iraq. So, it's up to you. You sure you want to have the doughnut?'" –Jimmy Fallon

You guys hear about what's going on with Toyota? They had a problem with gas pedals getting stuck — now, they're recalling the Prius because the brakes don't work. And because of this, sales of Ford cars and trucks rose 25 percent in the past month. But Ford says it's because of its new ad slogan, 'Ford, because Toyota is trying to kill you.' –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

President Obama picked up a nomination for best Democrat acting like a Republican (Epic Fetch!)

"More problems for Goldman Sachs. Did you know the tax rate it paid on its profits last year was 0.6 percent? And of course, the CEO of Goldman Sachs was furious when he heard this. He said: 'What? When did we start paying taxes? This is ridiculous.'" –Jay Leno

"Sen. John McCain told Sean Hannity that choosing Sarah Palin was still the best decision he ever made. Well, today the Arizona DMV took away his driver's license." –Jay Leno

"This week in his inaugural address, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie spoke of wanting to bring the people of New Jersey together. He wanted to bring them together by having them all try to merge into one lane." –Jay Leno

"Toyota is recalling 2.3 million cars because of two problems — unintended acceleration and possible brake problems. Things are not looking good for Toyota. In fact, today, two crash test dummies refused to get in the car." –Jay Leno

"The wife of Gov. Mark Sanford — you know the guy who snuck off to Argentina to see his mistress? You know this moron, this idiot? Well, now the wife says in the book, when they got married, Mark Sanford insisted on taking the part about being faithful out of the wedding vows. Now, I'm no marriage counselor, but ladies, isn't that a red flag?" –Jay Leno

"And the Golden Globe nominations came out yesterday. President Obama picked up a nomination for best Democrat acting like a Republican. So, congratulations." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just what Fox News needs – another blonde airhead (he's missing his watch and his lunch money)

"The rebel army in Libya is just like 1,000 guys in Toyota trucks. The world is asking the question; can 1000 anti-government guys in pick-up trucks with small arms, take over a country of millions? To which I say, ask the Teabaggers." –Bill Maher

"Donald Trump announced he got his own segment every Monday morning on Fox News. Just what Fox News needs – another blonde airhead." –Bill Maher

"They finally maybe struck a deal to avert a government shutdown. Of course, all on the Republican terms. You can always tell when Obama's negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he's missing his watch and his lunch money." –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He asked Biden to attend the party for him (and then ask China for $6 trillion)

"President Obama said GM's comeback would be the success story of this recession. GM said it wanted to thank those who made its recovery possible: Toyota’s brakes, Toyota’s steering and Toyota's accelerator." –Jimmy Fallon

"A group of economists unveiled a new plan to reduce the deficit by $6 trillion in the next 10 years. The first step of the plan is to look at all our spending over the past five years, determine what’s unnecessary . . . and then ask China for $6 trillion." –Jimmy Fallon

"The Capitol Hill Christmas tree is on its way, and once it gets to Washington it'll die in committee." –David Letterman

"On this day in 1863, President Abraham Lincoln delivered the Gettysburg Address. Following the address, the rebuttal was given by John McCain." –David Letterman 

"Vice President Joe Biden turned 68 years old. President Obama was so excited. He asked Biden to attend the party for him." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

it has some Republicans upset because it may remind voters of — President Bush (Blessed are the poor...)

"Scientists are saying that a giant asteroid could strike the earth in 2182, and that it could decimate the planet and destroy most forms of life. A spokesman for BP said, 'Been there, done that.'" –Craig Ferguson

"President Bush's memoir is set to come out just in time for the midterm elections and it has some Republicans upset because it may remind voters of — President Bush." –Jimmy Kimmel

"One conservative columnist called the timing of the book release 'selfish and stupid,' which, coincidentally, is also the title of the book." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Toyota is recalling more than 400,000 cars in the U.S. because of steering problems. Toyota's crisis management spokesman issued a statement saying, 'Good to be back.'" –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The last person to even notice Texas had schoolbooks was Lee Harvey Oswald (who doesn't love watching a politician kiss a baby?)

"New Rule: Stop worrying that crackpots are inserting their dogma into Texas schoolbooks. Sure, replacing Thomas Jefferson with Phyllis Schlafly is troubling, but it’s Texas. The only use Texans have for textbooks is to sit on them so they can get a better view of the football game. The last person to even notice Texas had schoolbooks was Lee Harvey Oswald." –Bill Maher

"Tomorrow is the first day of spring. This is the time of year when we're reminded that love is like a Toyota; it can't be stopped. If you don't believe me, consider that there is now a video of John Edwards performing oral sex on Rielle Hunter when she was six months pregnant. Because who doesn't love watching a politician kiss a baby?" –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

But in all fairness, a lot of those letters come from Dick Cheney (the only things slowing down the Toyotas)

"Well here's something interesting. And I guess this goes with the job. President Obama announced over the weekend that he gets 20,000 letters a day calling him an idiot. And I said, 'Hey, welcome to the club.' I said to myself, 'Well hey, maybe I am presidential material.' But in all fairness, a lot of those letters come from Dick Cheney." –David Letterman

"Sarah Palin, out in Arizona, is campaigning with John McCain. He's running for Senate re-election. They're campaigning together out there. I thought, yeah, I mean, there's an unbeatable combination." –David Letterman

"New York City has filled 2,000,000 potholes. The bad news is, they were the only things slowing down the Toyotas." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Dick Cheney went in for his annual autopsy (He's like Scott Brown, but with pants)

"Mitt Romney is a good-looking Republican from Massachusetts. You know, he's like that new senator from Massachusetts. He's like Scott Brown, but with pants." –David Letterman

"President Obama yesterday had his annual physical. Annual checkup. Apparently everything is all right. Earlier today, former Vice President Dick Cheney went in for his annual autopsy." –David Letterman

"But Obama's physical turned out great. The doctor said a couple of things. He said: 'Cut out the cigarettes. Also, try to stay out of Toyotas.'" –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Apparently, the cars are unable to steer out of the path of oncoming Toyotas (What Would Dick Cheney Do?)

"President Obama had his first physical exam as president over the weekend. The doctor said he was in much better shape than the country." –Jay Leno

"And over the weekend, President Bush said that he is writing a book about how he made decisions while he was president. We have an advanced copy of it here. It's called 'What Would Dick Cheney Do?'" –Jay Leno

"More problems with the auto industry. General Motors announced a recall of 1.3 million cars because of a steering problem. Apparently, the cars are unable to steer out of the path of oncoming Toyotas." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the terrible decision to let Toyota design the luge (The Angel of Duh himself)

"A couple of days ago, there was the annual race, people come from all over the world, and they race up the stairs of the Empire State Building. Wait a minute. You want to get your heart racing, you really want to get it pump pumping? Do what I do. Drive to work in a Toyota." –David Letterman

"You know about this big Toyota recall? And things are dangerous, and I'm coming to work in my car. Here's how scary it is. The navigation lady was actually praying." –David Letterman

"Balloons dropped because Dick Cheney had his millionth heart attack. And who came by yesterday to cheer him up? The Angel of Duh himself, George Bush. They sat together, and Bush said he had spent the last year working on his book. I swear. Hard to believe Bush has a book. But if you buy Cheney has a heart…" –Bill Maher

"The Olympic Games were fun, but there were some high-profile mistakes, come on. Admit it. Like the terrible decision to let Toyota design the luge." –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He's going to need a two-thirds vote before they pass him the Doritos (new ad slogan)

"President Obama won't be at the Super Bowl either. In fact, in a show of some sort of spirit of cooperation, I guess, he's invited a group of top Republicans to watch the game with him at the White House on Sunday. That should be a lot of fun. He's going to need a two-thirds vote before they pass him the Doritos." –Jimmy Kimmel

"You guys hear about what's going on with Toyota? This is crazy. It's like, their job is to make cars, right? Well, they had a problem with gas pedals getting stuck — now, they're recalling the Prius because the brakes don't work. And because of this, sales of Ford cars and trucks rose 25 percent in the past month. But Ford says it's because of its new ad slogan, 'Ford, because Toyota is trying to kill you.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Scientists in Australia announced that within five years they will be able to successfully carry out pig-to-human lung transplants. People could be part human, part pig. We have that already. I think it's called Dick Cheney." –John Hulse

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

So it's all very realistic (Republican Bedtime Story)

From February 2010...

"They're now coming out with the new, 75th edition of Monopoly, this time with a round board. No more square boards. And actually, they've updated the whole game. In the new version, the banker is a Wall Street CEO. He overextends mortgages, he loses the bank, and when things go under, he uses his get-out-of-jail-for-free card. So it's all very realistic." –Jay Leno

"Toyota recalling 2.3 million cars because of two problems — unintended acceleration and possible brake problems. Things are not looking good for Toyota. In fact, today, two crash test dummies refused to get in the car." –Jay Leno

"Have you heard the new slogan? 'Toyota, just try and stop us.'" –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Your protests are wasted cuz everything's mine! (General Tso's Motors)

"As part of their restructuring plan, General Motors is selling off an entire division to a Chinese company. The new division will be called General Tso's Motors." --Jimmy Fallon

"North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-Il, is in the process of deciding who is going to be his successor and the most likely person is his youngest son, Kim Jong-Un. Yeah. Kim Jong-Un says he's excited but realizes he's got some awfully big women's sunglasses to fill. They're like the windshield from a Toyota." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Detroit is still hard at work on an SUV that runs on rain forest trees and panda blood (Too obvious?)

"Earlier this week at the White House -- historic. Barack Obama met with all three living ex-presidents and one current brain-dead president." --Jay Leno

"The current national debt is estimated at over $10 trillion, which breaks down to about 35,000 dollars for every man, woman and child in the country. If you lay that much money end to end in $1 bills, most of it would be stolen by Bernie Madoff." --Seth Meyers

"Toyota's developing a miniature, environmentally-friendly car that is powered entirely by a rechargeable battery. Yeah. Meanwhile, Detroit is still hard at work on an SUV that runs on rain forest trees and panda blood." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And on this day in 1961, the first couple learned what 99.9 percent effective means (All I see is a cougar)

Queen Elizabeth was spotted driving herself home from church yesterday in a Jaguar. A Jaguar? [leers at photo of queen] All I see is a cougar. –Seth Meyers

A Toyota recently set a record for world’s fastest SUV after going 230 miles per hour. It was driven by a mom who forgot her kid at soccer practice. –Seth Meyers

On this day in 1960, the FDA approved the world’s first commercially produced birth control pill. And on this day in 1961, the first couple learned what 99.9 percent effective means. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats