Uh ... that was also rehab (Well, well, well, look who we have here!)

"On Saturday, Chris Christie tweeted that he had a colonoscopy just hours before he went to the White House Correspondents Dinner. Yeah, that's what you want to see at a dinner — Chris Christie after he wasn't able to eat for 24 hours." –Jimmy Fallon

"Yeah, Rob Ford said he likes rehab because it reminds him of the football camp he went to as a kid. Then his parents were like, 'Uh ... that was also rehab.'" –Jimmy Fallon

New research finds that people who are bullies are more likely to get plastic surgery. Unfortunately, the nerds they bullied are more likely to be plastic surgeons. “Well, well, well, look who we have here!” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

because kids know a raisin house when they see one (Marlboro Reds in Florida)

The Bidens hosted neighborhood families for trick-or-treating. They didn’t get that many visitors, though, because kids know a raisin house when they see one. —Seth Meyers

For the holiday, Candystore.com released a list of the most popular candy in the country, including Sour Patch Kids in New York, Butterfinger in Massachusetts and Marlboro Reds in Florida. —Seth Meyers

The rock bands Lynyrd Skynyrd and ZZ Top announced their upcoming tours on Monday, and if you’re excited about this news, you’re due for a colonoscopy. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

good little puppet, good little puppet (Iraq rememberer)

I'd like to talk about a few things that bring us together. Okay, things that emphasize our similarities instead of our differences, which is all you ever hear about in this country are differences. Politicians and the media are always pushing the things that separate us, things that make us different. That's the way the ruling class operates in any society. They divide the rest of the people, they keep the lower and the middle classes fighting with each other so that the rich can run off with all the fucking money. Fairly simple thing that happens to work. --George Carlin

If you are voting democrat or republican know this, those lawmakers will say, ‘good little puppet, good little puppet’, as they continue to screw you over. --Kit Cabello Hard Lens Media

“I want to make sure Ukraine has enough tanks before I get my colonoscopy.” –Kurt Metzger 1/26/2023

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I have personally donated thousands of dollars to people who slide down poles for a living (Uh ... that was also rehab)

"Yeah, Rob Ford said he likes rehab because it reminds him of the football camp he went to as a kid. Then his parents were like, 'Uh ... that was also rehab.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump was going crazy on Twitter because a big firefighters union decided to endorse Joe Biden instead of him. He's really upset with this union. He sent a tweet that said, "I've done more for firefighters than this dues-sucking union will ever do." Then he added, "I have personally donated thousands of dollars to people who slide down poles for a living." --Jimmy Fallon

"On Saturday, Chris Christie tweeted that he had a colonoscopy just hours before he went to the White House Correspondents Dinner. Yeah, that's what you want to see at a dinner — Chris Christie after he wasn't able to eat for 24 hours." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

God loves us and wants us to be happy (Don't play with Super Glue)

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

–Benjamin Franklin

"Whenever I see George W. Bush giving a speech, I always feel

that somewhere there is a comedy club with an empty stage."

--Jimmy Dore

“I want to make sure Ukraine has enough tanks before I get my colonoscopy.” –Kurt Metzger 1/26/2023

"What the government wants is control. What the corporate world wants is money. What both of them want is power. What neither of them care about is you." --Russell Brand

"I drink too much. I gave the doctor a urine sample and there was an olive in it."--Rodney Dangerfield

Why do dogs race to the door when you when the doorbell rings? It’s almost never for them. --Norm Macdonald

"My sister has multiple personalities. She called me the other day and my caller ID exploded."--Zach Galifianakis

A poet looks at the world the way a man looks at a woman. --Wallace Stevens

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

There's no easy way to tell you this, but we found more classified documents (Where my beaches at?)

January 2023

“Today, in a planned, consensual search with the Justice Department, they went through President Biden’s Rehoboth beach house, and no classified marked documents were found. They didn't find any documents at Biden's beach house, but even more embarrassing, they found a sign that said, ‘Where my beaches at?’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Speaking of Biden, today the White House announced that he will get his annual physical on February 16th. It's gonna be crazy after Biden's colonoscopy when the doctor says, ‘There's no easy way to tell you this, but we found more classified documents.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Today, Beyoncé announced the Renaissance World Tour. Beyoncé made the announcement around 9:00 a.m. Yep, she basically gave Tom Brady an hour to trend on Twitter, then, she was like, ‘This is mine now.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m gonna vote for him because I watched that video and we share a lot of the same positions (But the pleasures are undeniable)

October 2022

Pebbles, who was the world’s oldest living dog has died at the age of 22. But it’s Okay. His owners knew this was coming if they didn’t keep him off my yard. —Michael Che

In the January 6th video, Nancy Pelosi said that she wanted to punch out Donald Trump and knew if she did, she’d go to jail and be happy. I assume because she owns stock in private prisons. —Michael Che

A new study suggests that the benefits of preventive colonoscopies may be overestimated. But the pleasures are undeniable. —Michael Che

Manhattan congressional candidate Mike Ipkus starred in his own sex tape in an effort to publicize his campaign. You know what, I’m gonna vote for him because I watched that video and we share a lot of the same positions. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, that's what you want to see at a dinner (Earlier today Joe Biden pardoned a burrito)

May 2014

"This weekend was the White House Correspondents Dinner. President Obama made fun of his low poll numbers, the botched Obamacare rollout, and Governor Chris Christie – while I was on the phone with Putin, negotiating a cease-fire in Ukraine." –Jimmy Fallon

"On Saturday, Chris Christie tweeted that he had a colonoscopy just hours before he went to the White House Correspondents Dinner. Yeah, that's what you want to see at a dinner — Chris Christie after he wasn't able to eat for 24 hours." –Jimmy Fallon

"It's Cinco de Mayo. A lot of people mistakenly think this is Mexico's Independence Day. So remember to correct people if you want to be the most annoying guy at happy hour." –Jimmy Fallon

"Happy Cinco de Mayo. Earlier today Joe Biden pardoned a burrito." –David Letterman

"That is what's great about this country. We will celebrate the beauty of any culture as long as it allows us to drink in the daytime." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or, as Rudy Giuliani calls it, Casual Friday (although Cheney said it was just an accident)

"While Bush is under for his colonoscopy, they will temporarily

transfer power to Dick Cheney. Well, good luck getting that

power back. By noon tomorrow, he will have invaded Iran,

Syria and Malibu." --Jay Leno

"There was yet another closeted gay Republican in the news.

A state representative from the state of Washington got

caught paying for sex at an adult book store while he was

on a legislative retreat. Is that what they're calling it now?

He was dressed as a woman in red stockings and a black

sequin lingerie top. Or, as Rudy Giuliani calls it,

Casual Friday." --Bill Maher

 

"The Chinese president, President Hu, visited the White

House. He received a 21-gun salute although Cheney said

it was just an accident." --Jay Leno

"India, on Saturday, elected their very first female president.

And today, President Bush called India -- not to congratulate

her, he had some questions about his computer." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Turns out, this whole time, the glass ceiling was up Joe Biden’s butt (we need them to run the country, not impregnate our women)

November 2021

“President Biden kicked off his birthday weekend with a colonoscopy. Doctors said there were no traces of malarkey. Everything looked good, or everything looked as good as the inside of an elderly man’s butt can look.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“White House physician Dr. Kevin O’Connor says Joe Biden is a ‘healthy and vigorous male.’ ‘Vigorous.’ Why does every presidential checkup sound like a Cialis ad? I mean we need them to run the country, not impregnate our women.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Glad he’s healthy, of course. Kind of hoping they’d find that he has that Benjamin Button disease — he’s actually getting younger every day.” —Stephen Colbert

“Personally, I’m grateful that on Friday, history was made because Joe Biden temporarily transferred power to Vice President Kamala Harris while undergoing a routine colonoscopy, making Harris the first woman to assume presidential power. Yes, 100 years after women got the right to vote, we finally got the first female president on a technicality. Turns out, this whole time, the glass ceiling was up Joe Biden’s butt.” —Stephen Colbert

“The Wisconsin jury found Kyle Rittenhouse, now 18, not guilty, but only a complete moron would celebrate this clear tragedy by making this guy a hero. Enter: Florida congressman Matt Gaetz, who tweeted NOT GUILTY!!!!!!! when the verdict was released. Of course, Gaetz has a vested interest in juries finding people not guilty, especially when it involved a 17-year-old crossing state lines.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

After all, streaming is basically what got him in trouble in the first place (Mr. Goofy’s Wild Colonoscopy)

October 2021

Barack Obama is being criticized by Chicago residents who claim that his new presidential library will lead to gentrification. For me, it’s another painful reminder that Obama is half white. —Michael Che

This year marked the 50th anniversary of Disney World. To celebrate turning 50, Disney has opened a new ride. It’s called Mr. Goofy’s Wild Colonoscopy. —Michael Che

Singer R. Kelly was found guilty of racketeering and sex trafficking this week but won’t be sentenced until next May, after R. Kelly’s lawyers successfully negotiated one more school year. —Michael Che

In the wake of the R. Kelly verdict there is a growing movement online to force online streaming services to remove his music. After all, streaming is basically what got him in trouble in the first place. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey doc, how are the ratings? (they only found three polyps and Rudy Giuliani)

September 2021

“A new book by the former White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham, ‘I’ll Take Your Questions Now,’ revealed some fun facts about Donald J. Trump on Tuesday. One of the biggest bombshells was about the former president’s mysterious visit to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in 2019, which Grisham said was for a colonoscopy that Trump stayed conscious for, in part to keep late night television hosts from finding out and making fun of him. I have to say, it gives me a lot of satisfaction, as a late night talk show host, to know that he opted to stay awake while they augered his innards with a sewer snake specifically because he didn’t want us making fun of him.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The president’s doctor decided to schedule this procedure after the White House toilet killed itself.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“It took a while because the doctor kept accidentally sticking the camera in his mouth.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“As soon as they switched the camera on, Trump turned around and said ‘Hey doc, how are the ratings?’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Afterward, the whole medical team kept saying, ‘Wow, what an unbelievable [expletive].” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The doctors said the hardest thing about giving Trump a colonoscopy was getting the camera around Mike Pence’s nose.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Yeah, colonoscopy was no big deal — they only found three polyps and Rudy Giuliani.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Well, sure, with this president, they had to film it in Imax.” —Stephen Colbert

“Oh, my God, that had to be terrible — for the doctor who had to give a colonoscopy while the guy on the table kept screaming about how he won Michigan.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess the doctors are going into the president's colon because... (accomplishments, pt. 8)

"The spokesman for the White House, Tony Snow, told the press corps today that Dick Cheney is going to president for two hours tomorrow. President Bush will be unconscious because he's having a colonoscopy. I guess the doctors are going into the president's colon because they suspect that's where his head has been all of this time." --Jimmy Kimmel

"As you know, the Democrats want to pull the troops out of Iraq in 120 days, 'cause the Iraqi government has only met eight of the 18 benchmarks we have set. They've had eight accomplishments. You know something? That's more than our Congress has had." --Jay Leno

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

on the day that millions will be reading the new Harry Potter book, Voldemort will be running the country (New York City cabs)

"Tomorrow, President Bush is undergoing a colonoscopy, so he's going to temporarily transfer his presidential power to Vice President Dick Cheney. That's right, on the day that millions will be reading the new Harry Potter book, Voldemort will be running the country." --Conan O'Brien

"In a speech about foreign policy yesterday, Rudy Giuliani said that America needs to focus more on Pakistan. Giuliani says he knows more about Pakistan than the other candidates because he spent so much time in New York City cabs." --Conan O'Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

You know what they found the last time Bush had a colonoscopy? (His Head)

"Tomorrow, President Bush will undergo a routine colonoscopy. You know what they found the last time Bush had a colonoscopy? His head." --Jay Leno

"While he is under, they will temporarily transfer power to Dick Cheney. Well, good luck getting that power back. By noon tomorrow, he will have invaded Iran, Syria and Malibu." --Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

That alone should disqualify a person from any higher office (in the same sentence)

"The comedy Gods are smiling on me tonight. I have been saying for the longest time that President Bush must set a timetable for removing his head from his ass. And by God, today they went in and looked for it. At least for once in our lifetimes, we saw the words 'Bush,' 'operation,' and 'success' in the same sentence." --Bill Maher, on Bush's colonoscopy

"Rudy Giuliani ... actually brags on the campaign trail that on 9/11, as the towers are going down, he turns to his super corrupt chief of police and said, 'Thank God George Bush is president.' That alone should disqualify a person from any higher office." --Bill Maher

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

the polyps who were removed began asking questions (where the Cheney administration ranks)

"The president had five polyps removed from his lower intestines. And here's the interesting part: they were removed for political reasons. Apparently, these polyps were not loyal Bushies and had to be replaced by more appropriate, die hard Republican polyps. Apparently, the polyps who were removed began asking questions as to why they were removed, but it was too late." --Jon Stewart

"Well, certainly this was a vast improvement over Cheney's first term during President Bush's 2002 colonoscopy. As you know, the president only has medical procedures at times the vice president is not having them. And, as it happens, Cheney was being operated on continually for the last five years." --Daily Show correspondent Samantha Bee, asked where the Cheney administration ranks

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

with Dick Cheney as president, he had the power to turn good thoughts bad (failed everyone who'd ever loved you)

     

"For a couple of hours on Saturday morning Dick Cheney was the president. President Bush underwent a colonoscopy and while he was under anesthesia, his powers were officially transferred to the vice president. Did you feel it? Did you know he was the president? 

It might've not been obvious. There might've not been a thunder clap. You might not have seen, let's say, your neighbor's eyes bleeding. But you might've, I don't know, had a vague feeling as you were making your coffee on Saturday morning that you'd failed everyone who'd ever loved you. And you didn't know why you were feeling that. 

It was, perhaps, because with Dick Cheney as president, he had the power to turn good thoughts bad." --Jon Stewart

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

After the operation on his colon, the doctors put his head back up his a** (five polyps)

"President Bush had that colonoscopy over the weekend. The doctors found five polyps. And I was thinking, 'Hell, maybe we should send these guys out to look for bin Laden.'" --David Letterman

"But everything's fine. The procedure went well. After the operation on Bush's colon, the doctors put his head back up his ass." --David Letterman

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

So, how is that different from any other day? (five polyps and two reporters from Fox News)

"On Saturday, President Bush underwent a colonoscopy. It was performed by Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. White House spokesman Scott Stanzel said that during the procedure, President Bush was 'asleep, but responsive.' So, how is that different from any other day?" --Jay Leno

"Doctors said that during the colonoscopy on President Bush, they did find something -- five polyps and two reporters from Fox News." --Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans