Real Housewives of Beverly Hills just joined SEAL Team 6 (Torso Jones)

"Nine survivors of shark attacks recently went to Washington, D.C., to press the Senate to put new restrictions on shark fishing. The Senate met with the leader of the group, Torso Jones." --Conan O'Brien

 A new study just came out that found that breast implants can save your life if you’re shot in the chest. In a related story, the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” just joined SEAL Team 6. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

I'm working for Homeland Security (competition)

"Do you know why they're moving? Because some members of Congress have started investigating Halliburton for over-billing and for taking too much of American taxpayers' money for doing too little work. Or, as Congress calls it, 'competition.'" --Jay Leno

"There are reports that female terrorists are being fitted with exploding breast implants. How many guys are going to use this as an excuse? 'Honey, I'm not looking at her breasts. I'm working for Homeland Security.'" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Uh ... that was also rehab (Well, well, well, look who we have here!)

"On Saturday, Chris Christie tweeted that he had a colonoscopy just hours before he went to the White House Correspondents Dinner. Yeah, that's what you want to see at a dinner — Chris Christie after he wasn't able to eat for 24 hours." –Jimmy Fallon

"Yeah, Rob Ford said he likes rehab because it reminds him of the football camp he went to as a kid. Then his parents were like, 'Uh ... that was also rehab.'" –Jimmy Fallon

New research finds that people who are bullies are more likely to get plastic surgery. Unfortunately, the nerds they bullied are more likely to be plastic surgeons. “Well, well, well, look who we have here!” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

or what Nancy Pelosi’s plastic surgeon calls the Number Six (quiet quitting)

A majority of Democrats say their congressmen should oppose Trump no matter what. Even if it keeps them from getting the things they claim they want. I think that's called cutting off your nose despite your face, or what Nancy Pelosi’s plastic surgeon calls the Number Six. —Greg Gutfeld

CBS News is now complaining that those Venezuelan gang members were deported under the alien enemies act, even though it's quote ‘a centuries old law’. What's wrong with centuries old asked Nancy Pelosi. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the original name for Honey Smacks (the real tragedy of life)

Amazon Prime has launched a new tool that will use AI to dub movies into English, from foreign languages like Spanish, Korean, and Sylvester Stallone. —Michael Che

Plastic surgeons are saying that a growing number of women are having labia puff surgery on their vaginas. And fun fact Labia Puffs was also the original name for Honey Smacks. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He told him he'd bring him back a boomerang (Never travel with this guy)

 

"President Bush was in Austria yesterday. You know, I think he's confused. He's not good on geography. On his way to Austria, he told Dick Cheney he'd bring him back a boomerang." --Jay Leno

"The Federal Trade Commission said today they did not find any signs, no signs that the oil industry illegally manipulated gas prices. They also found no signs of steroid use in baseball, there was no gang activity in Los Angeles and Kenny Rogers had no plastic surgery whatsoever." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What is, ‘my hand’ for 800? (at least they get new breasts out of it)

In an interview, “Jeopardy” host Alex Trebek revealed that he once tripped hard on hash brownies. Apparently, Trebek spent hours saying “What is, ‘my hand’ for 800?” –Conan O’Brien

Last night’s Astros-Dodgers World Series game took over five hours, and then L.A. lost. Usually when people from Los Angeles endure something for five hours, at least they get new breasts out of it. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

She didn't bother showing the oven that Hansel and Gretel were pushed into (the doctors were able to successfully give him a third hand)

DiGiorno announced they are bringing back their frozen Thanksgiving pizza for the holidays. The pizzas are topped with turkey gravy, green beans, and the number for the National Suicide Hotline. —Michael Che

This week was National No Bra Day and it was a huge flop. —Michael Che

Researchers in Britain have discovered the first ever adult man with three penises, and after a long and complicated surgery, doctors were able to successfully give him a third hand. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Never forget what you're fighting for! (Well, well, well, look who we have here!)

"It's been a rough week for Anthony Weiner. His campaign manager in the race for mayor just quit because of Weiner's newest scandal. And it's tough finding a replacement because every time he emails someone, they're like, 'I'm not opening that.'" –Jimmy Fallon

New research finds that people who are bullies are more likely to get plastic surgery. Unfortunately, the nerds they bullied are more likely to be plastic surgeons. “Well, well, well, look who we have here!” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He dropped a bomb every 20 minutes for 8 years (long story short, he ended up just spelling bacon)

New research finds that people who are bullies are more likely to get plastic surgery. Unfortunately, the nerds they bullied are more likely to be plastic surgeons. “Well, well, well, look who we have here!” –Jimmy Fallon

Chris Christie says that he’d give Donald Trump a “B” on his first 100 days. Then said he’d give him an “A” on immigration, and a “C” on healthcare, and long story short, he ended up just spelling “bacon.” –Jimmy Fallon

A federal regulation is now requiring that airports serving over 10,000 passengers per year have an area in every terminal where pets can go to the bathroom. Or as it's called in LaGuardia, all of LaGuardia. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When he heard that Christie said, 'Mmmm, peach' (I do not want to be recognized)

January 2014

"A new poll found that the approval rating of French President Francois Hollande has actually gone up since he was accused of having an unfair. Or as Chris Christie's interns put, 'No Shit!'" –Jimmy Fallon

"New Jersey Chris Christie is still digging himself out of this scandal Bridgegate. In fact, some experts are now saying he could be impeached. When he heard that Christie said, 'Mmmm, peach'." –Jimmy Fallon

"In a new interview that just came out, First Lady Michelle Obama said she might consider getting plastic surgery. The First Lady said if Barack's popularity keeps dropping, I do not want to be recognized." –Conan O'Brien

"Legal experts say if Justin Bieber is convicted of a felony, he could be deported back to Canada. They also say if he is found to have cocaine in his system, he could be elected mayor of Toronto." –Conan O'Brien on the egging attack on Bieber's neighbor's house

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry 

 

There is no distinctly Native American criminal class except congress (made entirely of cocaine)

"And one of the hardest hit businesses in this failing economy is plastic surgery. Fewer and fewer people are getting plastic surgery. How ironic is that? The one time you really need a smile on your face, you can't even afford to get it." --Jay Leno

"I tell you, the economy's in bad shape. It is in such bad shape that today, three stock brokers tried to kill themselves by eating peanuts." --Jay Leno

"And police in Mexico found a pickup truck with side panels and bumpers that were made entirely of cocaine. Police got suspicious when the guy had a minor fender bender and claimed $2.5 million in damages." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Bush-Trump Axis of Evil (liking porn videos)

This morning, at its annual keynote event, Apple introduced their new ultra-high-end iPhone 10, which will cost $1,000. The new phone comes with a face-recognizing camera called Face ID, which is a great feature unless you live in Hollywood and you have to buy a new phone every time you buy a new face. –James Corden

The new iPhone is pretty incredible. Experts say it's going to revolutionize the way we ignore the person standing right next to us. It's called the iPhone 10. Even Donald Trump weighed in. He said it's too chunky. It makes it a seven at best. –James Corden

They say the new iPhone battery is good for up to eight hours of secretly liking porn videos on Twitter. –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

Only there wasn’t a wise man in sight (Right-hand man)

I’m going to say something I didn’t think was possible anymore: I am shocked by something Donald Trump said. I thought, by now, that my soul had calcified into a crouton. Not true, because today, the president of the United States tweeted, “How come low I.Q. Crazy Mika, along with Psycho Joe, came to Mar-a-Lago 3 nights in a row around New Year’s Eve, and insisted on joining me. She was bleeding badly from a face-lift. I said no!” 

First of all, someone bleeding badly at your door, and you say no? Sounds like your healthcare plan. I mean, turning them away from your hotel during the middle of winter is literally the story of Christmas. Only there wasn’t a wise man in sight. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

The call was all part of Putin’s annual employee review (Hotel manager's Pie Hole)

New research finds that people who are bullies are more likely to get plastic surgery. Unfortunately, the nerds they bullied are more likely to be plastic surgeons. “Well, well, well, look who we have here!” –Jimmy Fallon

House Republicans are again trying to repeal and replace Obamacare, even though they don’t have the votes. House Republicans defended themselves and said, “Please, it’s a soothing ritual that comforts us.” –Conan O’Brien

Today, there was a call between Russian President Vladimir Putin and President Trump. The call was all part of Putin’s annual employee review. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

“I am shocked,” said one woman’s face but not her mouth (Hangover movies)

President Trump today met with the president of China at his Mar-a-Lago resort. And things got off to an awkward start when Trump said, “I thought you were really funny in the ‘Hangover’ movies.” –Seth Meyers

A New Jersey man recently admitted to stealing $20,000 worth of ginger ale from a grocery store. He said he wasn’t planning on stealing so much, he just got Schwepped up in it. –Seth Meyers

A new study found that plastic surgeons make an average of $354,000 per year. “I am shocked,” said one woman’s face but not her mouth. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JusticeDemocrats #Bernie2020

Screwing people for money is a long family tradition

It's come out that Donald Trump's grandfather owned a brothel. When reached for comment Trump said, screwing people for money is a long family tradition. –Conan O’Brien

It is rumored that the new iPhones are going to use facial recognition technology to unlock your phone. Of course, if you live in Los Angeles the iPhone will store up to six of your previous faces. –Conan O’Brien