God loves us and wants us to be happy (Don't play with Super Glue)

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

–Benjamin Franklin

"Whenever I see George W. Bush giving a speech, I always feel

that somewhere there is a comedy club with an empty stage."

--Jimmy Dore

“I want to make sure Ukraine has enough tanks before I get my colonoscopy.” –Kurt Metzger 1/26/2023

"What the government wants is control. What the corporate world wants is money. What both of them want is power. What neither of them care about is you." --Russell Brand

"I drink too much. I gave the doctor a urine sample and there was an olive in it."--Rodney Dangerfield

Why do dogs race to the door when you when the doorbell rings? It’s almost never for them. --Norm Macdonald

"My sister has multiple personalities. She called me the other day and my caller ID exploded."--Zach Galifianakis

A poet looks at the world the way a man looks at a woman. --Wallace Stevens

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

For scale, that’s four and a half Michael Bloombergs (Fairly simple thing that happens to work)

"My sister has multiple personalities. She called me the other day and my caller ID exploded."--Zach Galifianakis

"Never again will Brian Williams mislead this great nation about being shot at in a war we probably wouldn’t have ended up in if the media had applied this level of scrutiny to the actual f**king war." –Jon Stewart

“The pandemic is having a devastating impact on the economy – restaurants alone could lose $225 Billion in the next three months. For scale, that’s four and a half Michael Bloombergs.” —Samantha Bee

I'd like to talk about a few things that bring us together. Okay, things that emphasize our similarities instead of our differences, which is all you ever hear about in this country are differences. Politicians and the media are always pushing the things that separate us, things that make us different. That's the way the ruling class operates in any society. They divide the rest of the people, they keep the lower and the middle classes fighting with each other so that the rich can run off with all the fucking money. Fairly simple thing that happens to work. --George Carlin

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Do you need a skull? Because we can get you a skull. (Where do they come up with this stuff?)

March 2014

"President Obama today appeared on the Zach Galifianakis online comedy show 'Between Two Ferns.' The president was there to talk about HIS online comedy show – Obamacare." –Seth Meyers

"To celebrate Shakespeare's 450th birthday, the Globe Theatre has plans to perform Hamlet in every country in the world, including North Korea. Said one North Korean official, 'Do you need a skull? Because we can get you a skull.'" –Seth Meyers

"London's famous Globe Theatre announced plans to perform Shakespeare's play 'Hamlet' in North Korea. Of course, 'Hamlet' is about a man on a murderous revenge mission inspired by his late father. Then Kim Jong Un said, 'Where do they come up with this stuff?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"The Dalai Lama came out in favor of same-sex marriage. Then he introduced his husband, The Dave Lama." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”