sometimes he loves himself but other times, he really loves himself (You'll melt your face off, kid!)

There’s a proposed bill in New York that would allow medical marijuana to be prescribed for menstrual cramps. Which is why millions of men in New York are now saying "it is my time of the month." –Conan O’Brien

In a new interview, Kanye West talks about being bipolar. Kanye said sometimes he loves himself but other times, he really loves himself. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think it's time to see other people (We've been expecting you)

"Former New York Governor George Pataki may enter the race for president. It's not definite, but he tweeted that he'll announce his 2016 plans on May 28 in New Hampshire. Well, what's he gonna do, go to New Hampshire to say he's NOT running? That's like getting down on one knee and saying, 'I think it's time to see other people.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"A house panel in Texas has approved full marijuana legalization for the state. Yeah, meaning Texas could go from having dude ranches to 'Dude, ranches.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Pope Francis will bring a rabbi and a Muslim leader with him when he travels to the Holy Land this week. Or as bartenders put it, 'We've been expecting you.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Don Lemon is going to have to up his game (Andrew Cuomo/Oh crap!)

In California a pan handler has gone viral for being very good-looking. Well looks like Don Lemon is going to have to up his game. —Greg Gutfeld

A 91 year-old woman broke the running record for the age group of 90 and above. When asked what inspired her to run so fast she responded “Andrew Cuomo.” —Greg Gutfeld

This week New York Governor Kathy Hochul made it easier to commit people with severe mental illnesses. Oh crap!, said The View. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s the aircraft carrier the U.S.S. Metaphor (Four out of five citizens love democracy!)

A new report says the U.S. border wall could cost three times as much as previously estimated. However, Trump says he’ll keep costs down with his secret business trick called “not paying for stuff.” –Conan O’Brien

"Hillary Clinton is now driving from New York to Iowa. It's been called the least-exciting spring break trip in history." –Conan O'Brien

Several days ago, President Trump said an American aircraft carrier was heading towards North Korea, but it turns out it was sailing in the opposite direction. It’s the aircraft carrier the U.S.S. Metaphor. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They're hoping to encourage workers to spend more time with their mistresses (Unfortunately, everyone in New York has learned to sleep through it)

"France has passed new legislation that makes it illegal to work after 6 p.m. They're hoping to encourage workers to spend more time with their mistresses." –Seth Meyers

A new alarm-clock app has launched that wakes users up with unconventional sounds like shattering glass, gunshots, and women screaming. Unfortunately, everyone in New York has learned to sleep through it. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

in either case, you rarely end up getting as many inches as you anticipated (No Relation)

According to a new poll, 55% of Americans are in favor of abolishing the electoral college, but unfortunately, because of the electoral college, 55% is less than half. --Seth Meyers

Due to this weekend's expected snowfall, experts are predicting a spike in usage of the dating app Tinder. But remember, in either case, you rarely end up getting as many inches as you anticipated. –Seth Meyers

Actress Cynthia Nixon today announced her bid to run for New York governor, and she debuted her campaign slogan, “Nixon 2018: No Relation.” --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The American Geological Society has demanded an apology (so consider it an upgrade)

President Trump said he will send 30,000 illegals to Guantanamo Bay. They'll be coming from Philadelphia, New York and San Francisco, so consider it an upgrade. —Greg Gutfeld 

In an interview Border Czar Tom Homan called Joy Reid dumber than a box of rocks. The American Geological Society has demanded an apology. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

America's fourth favorite Bush (New Yorkers are gonna be so excited to finally try marijuana)

“The first licences for recreational marijuana have also finally been produced in New York. New Yorkers are gonna be so excited to finally try marijuana.” —Stephen Colbert

Jeb is America's fourth favorite Bush — after George, the other George, and of course, the baked beans. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

and I have to say, it smells it (the ceremonial burning of the rule book)

A classic model Bentley owned by Keith Richards sold over the weekend for $1.2 million and features a secret compartment for storing drugs. The compartment is called Keith Richards. –Seth Meyers

New York City turned 352 years old yesterday, and I have to say, it smells it. –Seth Meyers

NFL training camp began today for many teams. As usual, the New England Patriots camp began with the ceremonial burning of the rule book. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the staffer who informed Hillary is expected to make a full recovery (Hey, give that back! I danced my butt off for that money)

A New York man was arrested this morning after allegedly stealing $600 from the bra of a 93-year-old woman. The woman was like, "Hey, give that back! I danced my butt off for that money." –Seth Meyers

The latest CNN poll has Donald Trump beating Hillary Clinton 45 percent to 43 percent. But the good news is, the staffer who informed Hillary is expected to make a full recovery. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We are not surprised. We expected this, you know, because of all the bribery (You don't have to put on the red light...)

On Friday, New York mayor Eric Adams surrendered to federal authorities and was arraigned on corruption and bribery charges, where he pleaded, “Don't hate the player, hate the game.” After he was charged, he said, “We are not surprised. We expected this, you know, because of all the bribery.” —Michael Che

Former New York Governor Andrew Cuomo is reportedly already interested in running for mayor. Damn, he moves faster than Covid through a nursing home. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know what’s a cool nickname? (69+420)

A new alarm-clock app has launched that wakes users up with unconventional sounds like shattering glass, gunshots, and women screaming. Unfortunately, everyone in New York has learned to sleep through it. --Seth Meyers

President Trump this morning on Twitter nicknamed former President Obama for the first time, and called him “Cheatin’ Obama.” Cheatin’ Obama? That’s a pretty lame nickname. You know what’s a cool nickname? Stormy. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

historically, people who take on the Teamsters end up with season tickets to Giants Stadium … underneath the end zone (I will eat their delicious face)

Senator Markwayne Mullin, Republican of Oklahoma, challenged Sean M. O’Brien, the president of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters, to a physical fight during a Senate committee hearing on Tuesday. If there’s going to be a fight, I’d like to warn that senator: You look pretty big, but, historically, people who take on the Teamsters end up with season tickets to Giants Stadium … underneath the end zone. — Stephen Colbert

Donald Trump has long toyed with the language of fascism, but is now openly cribbing from Hitler and Mussolini. In response to such comparisons, Trump’s team released a statement: “Those who try to make that ridiculous assertion are clearly snowflakes grasping for anything … and their entire existence will be crushed when President Trump returns to the White House.” To that I offer an addendum: ‘Furthermore, anyone who says I’m a cannibal is a liar, and if they say it again, I will eat their delicious face.’ — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

because kids know a raisin house when they see one (Marlboro Reds in Florida)

The Bidens hosted neighborhood families for trick-or-treating. They didn’t get that many visitors, though, because kids know a raisin house when they see one. —Seth Meyers

For the holiday, Candystore.com released a list of the most popular candy in the country, including Sour Patch Kids in New York, Butterfinger in Massachusetts and Marlboro Reds in Florida. —Seth Meyers

The rock bands Lynyrd Skynyrd and ZZ Top announced their upcoming tours on Monday, and if you’re excited about this news, you’re due for a colonoscopy. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I just got tired and ran out of terrible things to say (swing voters)

Donald Trump has announced that as president, he’ll take a salary of $1 a year. And he promises he’ll earn every penny. –Conan O’Brien

President-elect Trump tweeted that he would have won the popular vote if he had campaigned more in New York, Florida, and California. Trump explained, “I just got tired and ran out of terrible things to say.” –Conan O’Brien

"Arizona has elected the first openly bisexual congresswoman. Apparently she did very well with swing voters." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s a perfect plan – as long as no one from New York ever goes to Florida (Were you aware of that, detective?)

August 2020

“More dismal coronavirus news: it is still, in August, taking more than two weeks to receive testing results in some states, which is insane. The whole point of testing is to find cases, isolate them, then trace their contacts. If it takes two weeks, it’s pointless. 

We could’ve avoided this with a coordinated testing strategy from the beginning, and the US almost had one until Jared Kushner slithered out of his Westworld milk bath and fucked it up. According to a damning report by Vanity Fair last week, Kushner secretly spearheaded a plan for an aggressive national testing strategy in March and April that went poof into thin air after it met with a ‘changing sentiment’ by the administration. 

Senior advisers reportedly believed the virus was subsiding and primarily affecting ‘blue states’, and thus sought to push the blame for testing failures on Democratic governors. I guess it’s not surprising to learn that Jared Kushner is a sociopath. 

I mean, look at him. He looks like Hannibal Lecter in a CW reboot of Silence of the Lambs. ‘Did you hear about the new kid? I heard he ate someone’s liver with fava beans and a Capri Sun.’ 

Kushner is the guy who takes his gloves off before dousing you with kerosene. Imagine the president’s son-in-law in action: ‘Gasoline is such a tricky smell to get out of leather. Were you aware of that, detective?’ 

So they had a national testing plan then scrapped it so they could blame the whole thing on Democratic governors. Given that it’s the Trump administration, he joked that it was likely their testing plan was simply: 1. Have one. But not only is that evil, it’s stupid. 

This is an infectious disease. This virus has traveled all over the world. Did they not realize it could travel to red states too? Imagine the mindset of a Trump official: ‘It’s a perfect plan – as long as no one from New York ever goes to Florida.’” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Yes, there’s a time and a place: pandemic and face (We're Being Robbed!)

July2020

“It seems they are planning to reopen schools without federal guidance on how to handle coronavirus outbreaks, which was fronted by Betsy DeVos on TV this weekend. DeVos’s plan basically amounts to, ’it’s up to you to figure out how you’re going to keep your kid safe, and if you don’t, they’re going to unilaterally strip funding from your school’, which they don’t even have the power to do anyway. Everyone wants schools to reopen, but coronavirus demands contingency plans. No one knows how this ends. The best most of us can do is mitigate risk for the benefit of ourselves and others around us and take steps to make sure we’re ready for all contingencies. You can’t only have a plan A, especially when the guy in charge thinks ‘Plana’ is how you spell ‘plane.’” —Seth Meyers

“New York’s overwhelming wave of coronavirus cases in March and April, killed over 22,000 people. I don’t know what’s worse, honestly – the fact that so many states opened too early, or the fact that they are now facing problems that should have been solved months ago. Surging cases, PPE shortages, testing backlogs – these are all the same problems America was dealing with back in March. The situation in states such as Arizona, where testing lines stretched for hours, or Florida, which set a single-day state case record over the weekend with over 15,000 new cases, reminded me of the moment in a horror movie when the teenagers run upstairs away from the killer instead of running outside. This is like if they didn’t even run. They just stayed on the couch watching TV.” —Trevor Noah

“So coronavirus cases are skyrocketing, but don’t worry, because the White House is working hard on an aggressive new plan: discredit Dr Anthony Fauci. The nation’s top public health expert has been under fire from the administration after openly criticizing America’s numerous botched responses in handling the pandemic. Dr. Fauci said, ’As a country, when you compare us to other countries, I don’t think you can say we’re doing great.” (Colbert as Trump) ‘How dare you, Fauci! What kind of person would say America’s not doing great and needs to be made great again?’ But Trump did finally wear a mask, and I just want to say: Ha-ha! Fell for it, sucker. This was all the long con. We’ve been wearing ’em just to get you to look stupid. You’ve been health’d. Trump maintains that he’s been a mask-man all along, but the president told reporters that he just thinks there’s ‘a time and a place to wear them’. Yes, there’s a time and a place: pandemic and face.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Damn, now we can’t travel to New York and Connecticut (Wow, that must be some wall)

“Things are so bad in the rest of the country that New York, New Jersey and Connecticut will now require certain out-of-state travelers to quarantine upon arrival. So if you’re from out of state and want to visit the Big Apple, fuhgeddaboutit! Seriously, they don’t want you there.” —Stephen Colbert

“Yeah, New York, Connecticut and New Jersey. Tourists were like, ‘Damn, now we can’t travel to New York and Connecticut.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yeah, the European leaders disapprove of Trump’s handling of the virus. Right now, the only ones who approve of Trump’s handling of the virus is the virus.” —Jimmy Fallon

“When Europe said they’d block Americans from entering, Trump was like, ‘Wow, that must be some wall.’” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

but they do allow a man to marry a woman with a slight mustache (what about his brother Wyo Ming)

July 2011

"Mitt Romney is so boring, he introduced his own fragrance called 'Unscented.'" –David Letterman

"It's Bastille Day, which is the day that Paul Revere rode through Paris warning the French." –David Letterman

"It looks like we'll begin to pay our debt to China. Last week, we returned Yao Ming. And what about his brother Wyo Ming." –David Letterman

"New York has legalized gay marriage, and if you brought a gift for Paul and myself, just leave it in the lobby. Utah will never approve gay marriage, but they do allow a man to marry a woman with a slight mustache." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

gotcha questions like, Where are you going? and, Why are you doing this? (I don't think you were really born in New York)

"Based on how you eat pizza Donald, I want to see your long-form birth certificate. I don't think you were really born in New York." –Jon Stewart, on Donald Trump taking Sarah Palin out to eat chain restaurant pizza in New York, using knives and forks

"Why don't you take a sh*t in Fiorello LaGuardia's hat and feed it to Joe DiMaggio's crying ghost on Liberty Island, you son of a bitch?" –Jon Stewart on Donald Trump eating his pizza with a fork 

"Of course, the point of her 'One Nation Tour' is to highlight America’s historic landmarks. So far she stopped at the National Archives, Gettysburg, Independence Hall, and yesterday she joined Donald Trump at one of New York’s historic monuments, the Times Square Applebee’s, a landmark as steeped in history as it is steeped in chipotle mayonnaise. Just like Gettysburg, it’s a site where many, many lives were cut short." –Stephen Colbert on Sarah Palin’s bus tour

"Of course, the 'lame stream media' ambushed Palin with gotcha questions like, 'Where are you going?' and, 'Why are you doing this?'" –Stephen Colbert on Sarah Palin's bus tour

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”