whenever I mention a product on the air, they send me a box for free (to catch all those farm workers who can afford Super Bowl tickets)

A Trump adviser said Ice agents will attend the Super Bowl after Bad Bunny was announced as the halftime performer. You know, to catch all those farm workers who can afford Super Bowl tickets. —Michael Che

The FDA quietly approved the generic abortion pill just before the shutdown, and I don't have a joke. But whenever I mention a product on the air, they send me a box for free. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Not affected by this recall, Kid Rock (it'll reopen as soon as he's done)

67,000 cases of power stick deodorant are being recalled by order of the FDA. Not affected by this recall, Kid Rock. —Greg Gutfeld

A Seattle judge has closed a local beach for rampant nudity and public sex, and it'll reopen as soon as he's done. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a five-day marijuana festival that lasts 10 days (what 99.9 percent effective means)

On this day in 1960, the FDA approved the world’s first commercially produced birth control pill. And on this day in 1961, the first couple learned what 99.9 percent effective means. –Seth Meyers

A retreat called “Cannabliss” will take place next month in California. It’s a five-day marijuana festival that lasts 10 days. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well that makes one of us (to be continued...)

Secretary of Health and Human Services RFK Jr said the FDA will soon remove eight harmful dyes from the US food supply. They also plan to ban whatever the hell is in George Clooney’s hair. —Greg Gutfeld 

Morning Joe’s Joe Scarboro told Elon Musk quote "It's time to get back to your day job due to Tesla's stock dropping," adding "He's getting pounded." "Well that makes one of us," said Mika Brzezinski. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the judge will ask them to tell a story with only the relevant details (all she needs to do is wait a few weeks/Road Closed)

This week a biotech startup got FDA approval to develop a drug to make dogs live longer guaranteeing at least another season of The View. —Greg Gutfeld

The Olympic Track and Field Governing Body announced it will perform tests on female athletes to make sure that they are biological women. So what’s the test? Well the judge will ask them to tell a story with only the relevant details. —Greg Gutfeld

Italian model Victoria Seretti says it's annoying when people call her Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriend. Well fortunately at age 26 all she needs to do is wait a few weeks. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I had no idea we funded soccer (breakfast)

In other sports news, according to the Washington Times USAID gave 6.3 million to study men having sex with other men in South Africa. I know. I had no idea we funded soccer. —Greg Gutfeld 

And finally due to Listeria concerns, the FDA has recalled more than 2 million donuts, or as JB Pritzker calls it, breakfast. —Greg Gutfeld

 https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

which means there is still no legal way to enjoy a Cleveland Browns game (a cry for help)

In Ohio, people voted on a referendum which would have had to legalize marijuana in that state, but it did not pass. That's right, it remains illegal to get high in Ohio, which means there is still no legal way to enjoy a Cleveland Browns game. –James Corden

The FDA is currently debating whether the chocolate hazelnut topping Nutella should be classified as a dessert or a spread. Which is ridiculous. Nutella isn’t a dessert or a spread, it’s a cry for help. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I heard it’s going to be a real snausage fest (FDA Approved)

According to a new book, President Trump and First Lady Melania were seen at Mar-A-Lago on Thanksgiving holding hands and "kissing as if nobody else existed." Meyers as Trump, "That was Melania?" --Seth Meyers

Today was International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day. There’s a party later tonight, but I heard it’s going to be a real snausage fest. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'll close that bridge when I get to it (Does this smell bad to you?)

"Tomorrow Chris Christie is expected to unveil his agenda for this year. When asked what he's planning for next year, Christie said, 'I'll close that bridge when I get to it.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie continues to push his agenda. Today he proposed a longer school day for children in his state. In fairness, kids in New Jersey probably need a longer day since their buses spend three hours stuck on a bridge." –Jimmy Fallon

But despite the shutdown, the FDA is trying to restart their inspections of risky foods, though so far it's just one guy going, "Does this smell bad to you? Try it. Drink it." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yes, selfies CAN get worse (I also felt a kick)

"The FDA has approved a new camera that can be swallowed so that doctors can look at the inside of their patients' bodies. So to answer your question: Yes, selfies CAN get worse." –Jimmy Fallon

“Rihanna did a Super Bowl halftime show while pregnant. Meanwhile, everyone at home on their 30th chicken wing was like, ‘I also felt a kick.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How did this not happen in Florida? (This is how high fuel prices are)

But despite the shutdown, the FDA is trying to restart their inspections of risky foods, though so far it's just one guy going, "Does this smell bad to you? Try it. Drink it." --Jimmy Fallon

Ben Affleck was patted down by TSA security at Los Angeles International Airport this week. Though when it was over, the woman whispered, “I’m not in the TSA.” –Jimmy Fallon

A woman in Texas was banned from Walmart this weekend. The woman spent several hours driving an electric shopping cart around the store's parking lot while drinking wine from a Pringles can. Texas police had a lot of questions, starting with, "How did this not happen in Florida?" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And on this day in 1961, the first couple learned what 99.9 percent effective means (I have no idea what I'm doing)

Donald Trump also dominated last night's West Virginia Republican primary with 76% of the vote. Trump told the press that he did really well with black voters, but it turned out they were just coal miners. –Seth Meyers

A 70-year-old woman in India recently gave birth to a baby boy. The baby and his mother are doing fine. The doctor, however, is still recovering. –Seth Meyers

On this day in 1960, the FDA approved the world’s first commercially produced birth control pill. And on this day in 1961, the first couple learned what 99.9 percent effective means. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I've heard of getting behind on your taxes, but never getting taxed on your behind (magically delicious)

 

"A Republican Illinois state senator wants to take away the state tax deduction from parents with an obese child. I've heard of getting behind on your taxes, but never getting taxed on your behind." –Jay Leno

"Oh, the FDA is now scolding General Mills for claiming that Cheerios can lower your cholesterol by 10%. They say that would be considered an unauthorized health claim. The FDA also said there is no evidence that Lucky Charms are magically delicious." –Jay Leno

"Police in Fort Wayne, Indiana, arrested a man for allegedly driving three blocks with four young children strapped to the hood of his car. Good to see Mitt Romney spending some time with the family, huh?" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I have personally donated thousands of dollars to people who slide down poles for a living (Uh ... that was also rehab)

"Yeah, Rob Ford said he likes rehab because it reminds him of the football camp he went to as a kid. Then his parents were like, 'Uh ... that was also rehab.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump was going crazy on Twitter because a big firefighters union decided to endorse Joe Biden instead of him. He's really upset with this union. He sent a tweet that said, "I've done more for firefighters than this dues-sucking union will ever do." Then he added, "I have personally donated thousands of dollars to people who slide down poles for a living." --Jimmy Fallon

"On Saturday, Chris Christie tweeted that he had a colonoscopy just hours before he went to the White House Correspondents Dinner. Yeah, that's what you want to see at a dinner — Chris Christie after he wasn't able to eat for 24 hours." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s kinda neat but it feels unnatural because you know one of them gonna get snacky (They are schedule 1 controlled delicious)

April 2023

“A Texas federal judge’s decided to suspend the FDA’s approval of a common abortion pill. Evidently, this judge thinks he knows more about medication than the FDA. The medication, mifepristone, has been on the market for more than 20 years. You can’t just randomly ban things that have been around for decades just because you don’t like them! You know how I know that? Mel Gibson.” —Stephen Colbert

“According to a new poll, 70% of Americans oppose the ban, including 53% of Republicans. Wait a second! Democrats and Republicans agree on something? That feels weird. It’s like one of those unlikely animal friendships, where you see a deer and a lion. It’s kinda neat but it feels unnatural because you know one of them gonna get snacky.” —Stephen Colbert

“More than 400 leaders of the pharmaceutical industry also condemned the decision with a letter, which pointed out that mifepristone is ‘safer than Tylenol, nearly all antibiotics and insulin’. So it seems like there wasn’t much about protecting public health in this ruling. We ingest way worse stuff than medication. Have you tried fried Oreos? They are schedule 1 controlled delicious.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

PLEASE give her some more hush money (his worst nightmare)

I saw that Rob Kardashian just got engaged to model Blac Chyna. Yeah, “Blac Chyna.” Or as Donald Trump calls that, “his worst nightmare.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Ted Cruz raised over a million dollars after announcing that he’s running for president. Which is why today RadioShack announced that it is also running for president.” —Jimmy Fallon

A lawyer for Stormy Daniels went on Megyn Kelly’s show today and said, “She can describe the president’s genitalia in great detail.” Then Americans were like, “PLEASE give her some more hush money.” --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It made the “manspreading” on the subway even worse than normal (it’s still attached to a hand)

The Russian presidential election was this weekend, and to get people to vote, Russian officials were offering prizes like Apple Watches. It sounds fun — until you open the box with your Apple Watch, and it’s still attached to a hand. --Jimmy Fallon

It just came out that Donald Trump’s secretary of state, Rex Tillerson, was on the toilet when he found out Trump fired him on Twitter. Then Trump said, “Wow, what a coincidence — I was on the toilet when I tweeted that.” That’s right, Tillerson was on the toilet when he was fired. Which explains why Jeff Sessions and Betsy DeVos haven’t used a bathroom in six months. --Jimmy Fallon

This weekend was St. Patrick’s Day! And of course, there was a big parade here in New York, and a lot of men were wearing kilts. It made the “manspreading” on the subway even worse than normal. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So to answer your question: Yes, selfies CAN get worse. (we’ll cross that gaping hole when we get to it)

A new report finds that over 55,000 bridges in the U.S. were found to have major structural problems last year. When asked how they’re going to fix them, the government was like, “Eh, we’ll cross that gaping hole when we get to it.” –Jimmy Fallon

"Michelle Obama said that childhood obesity impacts national security because obesity is a common disqualifier for military service. That's great info for moms. 'Honey, you have two choices. You can eat that doughnut and play video games or you can eat this salad and go to Iraq. So, it's up to you. You sure you want to have the doughnut?'" –Jimmy Fallon

During a recent rally in Louisiana, Donald Trump actually autographed someone’s baby. Even crazier, when he handed the baby back to the parents, Trump said, “Congratulations, your baby’s worth three times as much now." –Jimmy Fallon

"The FDA has approved a new camera that can be swallowed so that doctors can look at the inside of their patients' bodies. So to answer your question: Yes, selfies CAN get worse." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Don't worry. It's completely safe. Disgusting, but safe. (On the bright side...)

November 2022

“More than a week after the midterms, Republicans finally won control of the House. On the bright side, it's nice to see them seizing the House without zip ties and a Viking helmet.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Republicans are still fighting over why they couldn't get a few more seats. They don't know if they should blame Trump, McConnell, or Ticketmaster.” —Jimmy Fallon

“You guys see this? For the first time, the FDA has approved a lab-grown meat for human consumption. The FDA was like, "Don't worry. It's completely safe. Disgusting, but safe." —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

On the first day of Votemas your voting gave to me (it’s a cry for help)

The FDA is currently debating whether the chocolate hazelnut topping Nutella should be classified as a dessert or a spread. Which is ridiculous. Nutella isn’t a dessert or a spread, it’s a cry for help. –James Corden

The Cubs went 108 years without winning the World Series. The only drought more epic than that was the one I experienced during college. I’m joking — I didn’t go to college. –James Corden

The Dodgers lost in seven games, but in L.A. they talk about baseball a little differently. Here they say, they say that the Dodgers were canceled after seven episodes. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”